• Member Since 30th Mar, 2013
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Dawn Flower


Have you ever heard about the theory about how subatomic particles can pop into existence at random? Well, replace subatomic particles with updates and you have my writing style in a nutshell.

More Blog Posts44

  • 211 weeks
    Fic Cancellation #4 - Pre War Events

    Sunset Shimmer is the original creator of the Impelled Metamorphosis Potion, since she has been studying ever since she was young on how to become an alicorn. In the early days of the war, when it was just starting out, she presented her first batch to Twilight, as a way of creating super alicorn soldiers. However, because the war was only just starting, Twilight thought that it was too extreme

    Read More

    0 comments · 307 views
  • 211 weeks
    Fic Cancellation #4 - Locations

    The story takes place in the Trottingham Wasteland, which is an island nation, on the east coast of the Equestrian mainland.

    Read More

    0 comments · 227 views
  • 211 weeks
    Fic Cancellation #4 - Characters

    Party Members

    Read More

    0 comments · 230 views
  • 211 weeks
    Fic Cancellation #4 - Continued

    After Mareland is attacked, most of the captured ponies are brought back to Paradise Hills. This is the first stop that Lightning’s group takes to free the captured ponies. When they finish their attack on Paradise Hills, they manage to rescue most of the captured ponies from Mareland; however, several of them are still missing, including Lightning’s mother, having been taken to the Fort, which

    Read More

    0 comments · 235 views
  • 211 weeks
    Fic Cancellation #4

    A while ago, I came up with plans for a Fallout Equestria story, but I never got around to writing it and probably never will, so I'll just post what I came up with here.

    Prologue

    Home is now behind you, the world is ahead.

    Grey.

    Read More

    0 comments · 193 views
Feb
24th
2017

Everything Wrong With: A Day in the Life of a Backround Pony · 6:05pm Feb 24th, 2017

Disclaimer:

The following is a parody of CinemaSins "Everything Wrong With" series.

If you're unfamiliar with their humor, I suggest you go watch their content first.

The intent of this is for comedy and entertainment purposes only.

With this in mind, you should know that my feelings, towards the fic in question, will not be accurately reflected here.

Without further ado, thank you for watching, and I hope you enjoy.

________________________________________

Everything Wrong

With...

A Day in the Life of a Backround Pony By Dawn Flower

Spoilers!

(Duh...)

________________________________________

It was another beautiful day in Ponyville.

Weather opening.

*Ding*

1

A pink pegasus pony was just standing around in the market square, checking out the different stalls and what each stall had for sale.
She had a long, lime green mane, tied back in a ponytail. Her cutie mark was of a dark storm cloud with three thunderbolts on it.

Obvious OC is obvious.

*Ding*

2

As she surveyed the market place, she set her eyes on a stall selling cherries. Her eyes lit up and her stomach rumbled in anticipation. She proceeded to dash over there before anypony else got to them first, however, just as she took her first step forward, she suddenly heard a splash of water from just behind her. She turned around to investigate and saw that she had just avoided a water balloon. She looked up into the sky just above her, and she saw a cyan pegasus quickly duck behind a cloud cover to avoid being seen. However, there was also a pink earth pony tied to a set of balloons right next to her that gave her away. The pink pegasus then gave them both a smirk grin and continued walking towards the cherry stall.

OC is introduced right off the bat, making us think that she's important to the story, only to immediately disappear and never appear again.

*Ding*

3

Rainbow Dash slowly emerged from behind the cloud to make sure that the pink pegasus was gone. She then got an annoyed look on her face and pounded her hoof against the cloud. “Darn it, I missed.”

Pinkie Pie grabbed another water balloon from aside. It didn’t seem to come from anywhere; it just sort of appeared. Another impossible feat that could only be described as ‘Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie’. She dropped the water balloon and then turned to face Rainbow Dash.

“Don’t worry about it, Dashie. You win some, you lose some.”

In response to this, Rainbow Dash just crossed her hooves and bent down on the clouds. “I hate losing.” She then simply pushed another one of her water balloons off the cloud, which the stack was somehow sitting on.

Rainbow Dash would never give up this easily. If anything, she’d just grab another ten water balloons at once and throw them all at her.

*Ding*

4

Pinkie Pie grabbed another water balloon from aside. It didn’t seem to come from anywhere; it just sort of appeared. Another impossible feat that could only be described as ‘Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie’.

It’s Pinkie Pie; you don’t have to say it.

*Ding*

5

Pinkie Pie frowned a little. She could tell that Rainbow Dash was feeling sad. She then looked down from her strange perch above the clouds and gazed down at Ponyville below. From here, she could see the whole town. “Hey Dashie, do you ever think about all of those ponies down there?”

Pinkie Pie of all ponies is talking about how much she doesn’t know about all the other ponies living in Ponyville.

*Ding*

6

Pinkie Pie returned to her usual demeanour, with a smile bigger than her face. “Well, just think about it. Ponyville is filled with all sorts
of interesting ponies; and yet, it’s as if we never really pay any attention to them. I bet everypony down there has an interesting story to tell.” She then grabbed another water balloon from aside and dropped it. “If only we had the time to hear them.”

I can’t decide whether this is foreshadowing or Pinkie Pie very subtly breaking the fourth, knowing that while she won't know about the other ponies, we will. Oh, f*ck it. I’m gonna to go ahead and sin it anyway.

*Ding*

7

Pinkie’s last water balloon fell straight down from where she had dropped it. After a long fall, it finally made contact with a pony with a blue and white striped mane. It splashed everywhere and made her mane soaked. Colgate grunted in frustration and gritted her teeth.

Colgate has a wet mane, but we don’t get to see it.

*Ding*

8

She then spoke her thoughts out loud, to nopony in particular. “Oh Pinkie Pie. I know that it’s just one of your famous pranks, but not everypony finds them to be in good fun.”

I’m pretty sure that this is the opposite of how Ponyville reacts to Pinkie Pie’s pranks.

*Ding*

9

She then shook her mane to dry it off and stopped after about five seconds. “I suppose that that will have to do for now. I really have to get going.”

If you are completely soaked, then just shaking your head for five seconds will in no way get you dry.

*Ding

10

Also, if what you have planned is so important, I’m pretty sure that you can be a little late if it means you don’t show up completely soaked.

*Ding*

11

She then wheeled her giant hourglass away and proceeded in the direction of the Ponyville hospital.

Colgate has to lug around a giant hourglass just to know the time.

*Ding*

12

When she arrived at the hospital, she met up with the doctor in the waiting room. The doctor was a male unicorn, with a yellow coat and a long, brown mane. He was wearing a white lab coat and a thin pair of glasses. His cutie mark was of a heart monitor. Standing next to him was Nurse Redheart.

The doctor gets a full description of what he looks like, but the nurse just gets her name and that’s it.

*Ding*

13

The doctor then addressed Colgate. “Oh good, you’re here. We’re ready to operate. The operation lasts for one hour, and we need somepony to measure the time for us.”

Really? You need to hire somepony just to know how long you’re doing something for?

*Ding*

14

There was a blue earth pony with a dark blue mane, lying unconscious on the table. His cutie mark was of two, blue musical notes.

But we’re not going to name him now so that it will be a surprise later.

*Ding*

15

The doctor walked over to the patient, and was joined by several nurses. He then turned to face Colgate and said, “We’re ready to begin now.”

I’m fairly certain that Nurses aren't in the operating room during surgery.

*Ding*

16

As the operation was going on, Colgate looked down at her cutie mark. It was an hourglass. Her special talent was to record time. When she was a little filly, she was overcome with joy when she first got her cutie mark. However, as she got older, she noticed that there were dozens of other ponies who all had the exact same cutie mark and talent. This seemed to bother her greatly. A pony’s cutie mark represents their special talent and what makes them unique. After seeing that there were so many ponies that had the same cutie marks and talents, it made her feel like she wasn’t special.

Doesn’t multiple ponies having the same cutie marks and talents undermine the theme of individual talents? Cutie Marks, how do they work?

*Ding*

17

Ponies like this doctor were the only ponies in town with their talents, and everypony came to them when they needed help;

What? Ponyville only has one Doctor? Man, with the disaster rate in Ponyville, they should have at least sixty.

*Ding*

18

but if they needed somepony to measure time, then they just picked somepony with an hourglass cutie mark at random. This made Colgate very sad.

You can’t just have your characters announce how they feel. That makes me feel angry.

*Ding*

19

It had to be her destiny because it’s what her cutie mark was telling her.

Reused dialogue from Magical Mystery Cure.

*Ding*

20

Also, another sin for reminding me of Magical Mystery Cure. That’s not something I ever needed to be reminded of. Ever.

*Ding*

21

Colgate perked up and a smile started to form on her face. “Everything is going to be just fine.”

Damn it. What did I just say about reminding me of Magical Mystery Cure?

*Ding*

22

Just above Colgate, in the audience area, Lyra and Bon Bon were sitting together. Lyra was sitting in her usual style; slanted down, with her two back hooves dangling out in front of her.

Lyra likes sitting like a human, just in case you need reminding.

*Ding*

23

Bon Bon rolled her eyes at Lyra, an irritated expression on her face. She then responded to her, while also continuing to look straight ahead and not looking at her. “I told you; Noteworthy is a dear friend of mine, and I thought that it would be encouraging if we came down here to his operation for moral support.”

"Oh, look. The blue pony mentioned before is Noteworthy. What a surprise." Said no one who read this story.

*Ding*

24

Lyra then responded, “Yeah, but why do I have to be here? I don’t even know him; and it’s not like moral support will actually affect how this operation turns out. It’s all up to the doctor. We won’t have any effect on what happens.”

Lyra would be great at ReadingSins

*Ding*

25

Bon Bon became more aggravated, but she still responded in a calm tone. “You obviously have a lot to learn about friendship. This is what friends do for each other. They take time out of their own schedules to be there for their friends when they need them. The Magic of Friendship can go a long way in this world. In case you’ve forgotten, it’s what has saved us all from catastrophe time and time again.

Yes, but how many times has it caused it?

*Ding*

26

And besides, it’s not like I can leave you all alone.”

Was Bon Bon always such a stuck up bitch? I’m going to assume no and sin it anyway.

*Ding*

27

When it was over, Bon Bon went to the patient’s room to visit Noteworthy, to see how he was feeling, while Lyra went outside and sat on the hospital steps.

Bon Bon says she can’t leave Lyra alone and then immediately leaves her alone.

*Ding*

28

She was sitting on her flank, with her two back hooves resting on the steps in front of her, and her two front hooves supporting her head, as she was deep in thought

Look, Lyra’s sitting like a human again. Who’da thunk it?

*Ding*

29

Lyra contemplated what she just thought about; then suddenly, she thought back to what Bon Bon said earlier: “This is what friends do for each other. They take time out of their own schedules to be there for their friends when they need them. The Magic of Friendship can go a long way in this world. In case you’ve forgotten, it’s what has saved us all from catastrophe time and time again.”

Story reuses dialogue that you just read thirty seconds ago just in case you forgot.

*Ding*

30

Her face then began to change to an expression of realization. “Maybe Bon Bon isn’t always calling me a child and putting me down because I’m immature. Maybe she’s being a true friend and being honest with me, and helping me to achieve my true potential.”

Lyra then began to smile. “Maybe I should change; be a better pony and a better friend to Bon Bon. After all, she is my best friend.”

Lyra just sat there on the hospital steps for a few seconds after she stopped her internal monologue, but then, her smile dropped and she starting thinking again. “No. I shouldn’t change at all.

Well, that’s got to be the shortest epiphany ever.

*Ding*

31

At that moment, the hospital door opened and Bon Bon walked out. She walked down the steps and passed Lyra. She then turned around and asked, “You coming?”

From what I’ve read so far, I don’t think that Lyra is the bad friend here.

*Ding*

32

When Lyra saw this, she thought back to what she was thinking about earlier. She then activated her horn and she levitated the trash off the floor and proceeded to tidy the place. Bon Bon was legitimately surprised to see this, and she turned to face Lyra, with a surprised look on her face.

As she was tidying, Lyra looked over to Bon Bon and simply said, “This may be who I am, but there is no reason why you should have to suffer for it. After all, we’re friends.” After hearing this, Bon Bon simply smiled back at her. Lyra then took all of her rubbish and went off into her room.

Lyra continued to clean her room, thinking that while she is not going to change who she is, this was the least she could do for Bon Bon after everything she has done for her. She then smiled and continued cleaning.

Wow, Lyra’s epiphanies are all over the place.

*Ding*

33

As Lyra continued to clean up the mess in her room, she went over to the window to let in some fresh air. However, just before she opened the window, something collided with it, and the sudden crash made her jump and fall to the floor.

She picked herself up and went over to the window to investigate. She opened the window and looked outside, and there she saw Derpy, hovering in place, while rubbing her head with her hooves.

Lyra then said, “Derpy? What are you doing here?”

Derpy’s convenient timing is convenient.

*Ding*

34

The mailmare responded, “I’m sorry. I just don’t know what went wrong.”

(Sighs)

*Ding*

35

Lyra took a quick gander at the map she was holding in her mouth, with an ‘X’ marked on it.

How would Derpy be able to read the map if it was in her mouth.

*Ding*

36

When Lyra said this, Derpy suddenly freaked out. “My muffins!”

Ha ha. Derpy likes muffins.

*Ding*

37

When she said this, her map fell from her mouth; however, she quickly grabbed it again and flew off.

With reflexes like this, how would she ever crash?

*Ding*

38

Seeing this, Lyra then quietly said to herself, “There is something wrong with that pony.” She then went back to cleaning.

Derpy was now flying over Ponyville at incredible speeds. Her two front hooves were stretched out in front of her, and her two back hooves were stretched out behind her, in a pose similar to Supermane. However, she had a very sad expression on her face. She had heard what Lyra had said after she had left. Her cross-eyed vision had given her very good hearing. She was able to hear what ponies everywhere said when she was nearby; and when she was nearby, they all said the same thing: “There is something wrong with that pony.”

With the speed that she took off at and the time gap until Lyra started talking, even a completely blind pony wouldn’t have hearing that good. Maybe she really is Supermane.

*Ding*

39

Also, Supermane.

*Ding*

40

She was able to hear what ponies everywhere said when she was nearby; and when she was nearby, they all said the same thing: “There is something wrong with that pony.”

Ponyville is full of assholes who make fun of the mentally handicapped.

*Ding*

41

“It’s not like I do all of these silly things on purpose. I always try my very best to deliver the mail on time, to the right place. Everypony makes mistakes, but whenever I do, everypony takes extra notice of it. They all say things like, ‘Derpy screwed up again. What else is new?’ or ‘Derpy? I thought her name was Ditzy Doo. I guess she can’t even remember her own name’. Whenever somepony looks at me, all they see is my eyes. They think that I can’t do anything right, and that I need help with the simplest task. Everypony at work treats me like I’m a little filly; even though I have two little fillies at home: Sparkler and Little Muffin. Maybe they’re the only reason that ponies are so nice to me. ‘They’re innocent little ponies. They shouldn’t have to suffer just because their Mommy is helpless’. Best friend, Carrot Top is the only one who understands me. She can look past my eyes and see the pony I am inside. That’s why we’re best friends. The other ponies don’t think so. They think that I’m just a klutz who can’t do even the simplest task without screwing up; but that’s okay. I think that way about myself too sometimes. I am a klutz; there’s no denying that. But I am trying to do better. I’ll just keeping doing what I’ve been doing and try not to fail so many times. Sooner or later, everypony is bound to think differently about me; and even if they don’t, that’s okay too. The only thing that matters is what I think of me; and I think that I am a good pony, who works hard for her friends and family, who is a bit of a klutz, but is trying her very best to do better…” Derpy suddenly stopped talking for a moment and crossed her eyes more than usual. “… who also likes to talk to herself out loud to make alone time not so alone.” She then giggled a little.

F*cking wall of text.

*Ding*

42

They all say things like, ‘Derpy screwed up again. What else is new?’ or ‘Derpy? I thought her name was Ditzy Doo. I guess she can’t even remember her own name’.

I actually really like this point. Technically there is nothing canon connecting the pony believed to be Derpy Hooves with the name Ditzy Doo, and this is an interesting way to explain it. Remove one sin.

*Gnid*

41

Derpy suddenly stopped talking for a moment and crossed her eyes more than usual. “… who also likes to talk to herself out loud to make alone time not so alone.” She then giggled a little.

Oh, f*ck it. Remove another sin. I’m not made of stone.

*Gnid*

40

Derpy was coming up on her destination and she started to drift towards the ground. She was coming in very fast. She concentrated very hard and she managed to land on the ground perfectly, without crashing.

If it’s this easy not to crash, then how would she ever crash?

*Ding*

41

She then walked over to the house marked on her map. She knocked on
the door with her hoof, and she was answered by a little colt. He was an earth pony, with a short, brown mane. He still didn’t have his cutie mark. He also had brown spots all over his body, which made him look more like a dog than a pony.

Ha ha, Pipsqueak looks like a dog

*Ding*

42

Derpy didn’t take notice of this at all and simply said, “Here’s your package.”

About 80% of porn videos start out like this. Did I suddenly stumble into a clopfic?

*Ding*

43

“Thank you, miss,” he said with a British accent. “You got here really
quickly. You must be the best mailmare in Ponyville.”

Pipsqueak is a Derpy fanboy.

*Ding*

44

She checked her map to see where she was headed next. She then turned around again and flew the other way, seeing that her next destination was in the opposite direction.

That’s what happens when you put the map in your mouth when you want to read it.

45

Also, if that’s where she’s been keeping her map this whole time, then how did she not drop it at some point. Remember, all that stuff she said was out loud, not in her head.

*Ding*

46

After Derpy had left, Pip went back inside the house. Once he was inside, he took a closer look at the package that had just arrived, and he saw that it was addressed to his sister.

He then walked down the hallway of his home and he came to his sister’s bedroom. He opened the door slowly and stepped inside. Although it was bright and sunny outside, inside, all of the curtains were closed and the room was dark.

Pip then said quietly, “Hey sis, a package arrived for you.”

Is this story actually a clopfic? Because it’s starting to sound like a clopfic?

*Ding*

47

His sister began to rustle underneath the covers. She then woke up and pulled the blanket off of her. She was a white unicorn, with a light and dark blue striped mane. Her cutie mark was a black musical note.

I’m actually not sure how many people have the headcanon that Pipsqueak and Vinyl Scratch are brother and sister, and honestly, I’ve seen stranger headcanons, but this wouldn’t be ReadingSins if I didn’t sin it.

*Ding*

48

She opened her eyes slowly. Her eyes were red and obviously still tired.

Vinyl Scratch’s eyes are not red. I swear to God, I will fight you on this.

*Ding*

49

She rubbed her eyes and took a good look at her brother. Then she said, “Hey, I’m trying to sleep. Couldn’t you wait until I’m awake?”

Pip responded immediately, “No. By the time you wake up, I have to go to bed; and there’s nopony else here to let you know that it arrived.”

Wait, so do they live alone? Where are their parents? And while I’m at it, who are their parents?

*Ding*

50

She started to wake up a bit more and scratched the back of her mane with her hoof. “If you had just left it somewhere, I would have found it. I’m not
an idiot,” Vinyl snarled back at him.

Pip suddenly puffed up his face in an angry expression. “Well if you didn’t spend all day sleeping, then I wouldn’t have to.”

Vinyl responded immediately. “I have to. My job has me working at night, so I have to sleep during the day.”

I don’t know. I’ve seen Vinyl walking around during the day before.

*Ding*

51

Pip looked away from her a bit, his angry expression dropping, being replaced by one of general concern. “Well then, maybe you should get a new job.

Pipsqueak suggests his sister should change careers because of a slight inconvenience.

*Ding*

52

Pip lowered his head. “I like the night as much as the day. The Moon always looks so beautiful because, unlike the Sun, you can stare at it for as long as you like, and it always looks so beautiful among the stars on a clear night sky; but without also living in the sunlight of day, then it’s just not the same.

We get it. Pipsqueak thinks Luna is best Princess.

And he’s not wrong.

(LOL. Shameless plug.)

*Ding*

53

And if I want to go out during the day when I’m tired, to spend time with my friends; then I’ll just sacrifice some of my resting time and go.

Oh, well, I guess that clears up an earlier point I made. Uhhmm… sin retracted?

*Gnid*

52

Pip smiled back at her too. His mind then drifted back to the package he was still holding. “Oh right. Here’s your package,” he said as he handed her the package.

Vinyl reached out and grabbed it. “Thanks, bro.”

Aaaaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhh!!!! Seriously, they should just take the word ‘package’ out of all non-clop fics.

*Ding*

53

Vinyl then turned her attention to the package. She opened it up and found a new pair of shades inside. Despite the fact that the room was already almost pitch black, and there wasn’t anypony else in the room with her, she still put them on. She couldn’t see anything now. She then struck a pose, making herself look cool.

“Character wearing sunglasses indoors, even though this would make it harder to see” cliché.

*Ding*

54

Suddenly, his stomach started rumbling. “I guess I’m pretty hungry.”

What? Does Pipsqueak have a Pinkie Sense too?

*Ding*

55

When they were both gone, Pip stepped forward. There was a very large, red earth pony stallion attending the stall today. He had a short, orange mane, and a green apple half for a cutie mark. Pip stood in front of him for about ten seconds, waiting for him to say something. When he didn’t say anything, Pip decided to speak first.

With that description, we know it’s Big Macintosh, so just say it’s Big Macintosh.

*Ding*

56

Big Mac then scooped up three red apples from the stall and put them in a small, plastic bag. “That’ll be five bits.”

Wait, if three apples cost five bits, then that means that an apple costs between one and two bits, so how does that work? Is a bit like dollar? Is there another unit of currency smaller than a bit? And what about when ponies use gems to buy things? How does Equestrian currency work?

*Ding*

57

Pip grabbed the bag of apples with his teeth. “Thank you,” he said through the bag in his teeth. He then looked behind him slightly and then turned back. “Uhhmm, if you don’t mind me saying, sir… it’s just… you don’t seem to talk much, do you?”

Big Mac looked down at him and responded, “Nnope.”

“Well, it’s just… don’t you find it hard to talk to other ponies?”

Pipsqueak is trying to give psychological advice to a pony he literally just met.

*Ding*

58

“You’re right; like the Sun and the Moon. They’re completely different, but they balance each other out.”

We get it, Pipsqueak; you like making Moon analogies.

*Ding*

59

“Sorry if I butted into your personal life. I guess I need to work on not doing that.”

Yes you do.

*Ding*

60

Pip continued walking along the streets of Ponyville, now munching on an apple.

Here the author decided, let’s have Pipsqueak eating an apple so he looks like more of an asshole.

*Ding*

61

Suddenly, many of the other ponies in the streets began talking amongst themselves. Berry couldn’t hear them all clearly as she walked passed them, but she knew exactly what they were all talking about.

Unlike Derpy, Berry Punch has realistic hearing.

*Ding*

62

They were all talking about how she had a serious drinking problem, or about how she’s an over protective parent.

How exactly these rumours about her first sprung up is a mystery. She was spotted drinking in public on several occasions, so everypony started calling her the town drunk.

Wait, is this story saying that Berry Punch isn’t actually the town drunk. Well that contradicts my head canon, and therefore deserves a sin.

*Ding*

63

From that point onwards, every time she went out, other ponies would openly mock her about it, use thinly veiled insults about it as conversation; try to talk to her about the terrible example that she was setting for her little filly, and what they could do to help her. She never responded to any of these ponies, which of course, only made their opinions of her even worse.

So the townponies are trolls? Even more proof that the ponies of Ponyville are assholes.

*Ding*

64

As she was walking along, her little filly, Berry Pinch, walked up to her. She looked a lot like her Mommy, except she was smaller, her mane and coat were both a lighter shade of pink, her mane was striped, and she didn’t have her cutie mark yet.

Wait, so Berry Pinch isn’t her sister then? Well then, that makes the whole Berry Punch/Berry Pinch/Pina Colada relationship a bit complicated then, what with Berry Punch and Pina Colada as confirmed sisters, which would make Pina Colada Berry Pinch's aunt, while being the same age as her. This presents quite an interesting situation in a show meant for little girls. And I love it.

*Ding*

65

“Mommy, my friends are all going to watch the Cutie Mark Crusaders try for their sky diving cutie marks. Can I go too?”

Sky diving cutie marks? Let’s see: extremely dangerous, and logically makes no sense. Yep, that sounds like something the CMC would do, but I’m gonna go ahead and sin it anyway because it’s so stupid.

*Ding*

66

Berry Punch then continued walking along; ponies whispering behind her, about her, and she just walked ahead, not caring at all.

Obviously she’s never been to Tumblr.

*Ding*

67

Berry Pinch continued skipping along the foot path, with a big smile on her face. As she turned the corner, she passed Diamond Tiara, who was on her own, without Silver Spoon. As she passed her, Diamond Tiara suddenly shouted out, “Hey there, blank flank!” for no reason at all.

When Berry Pinch heard this, she suddenly stopped skipping, and her head fell down, with a frown on her face. She then continued walking along slowly.

As she was walking along, she passed by an old unicorn pony, with a brown coat, mane and beard, and no cutie mark.

When Diamond Tiara saw this, she then called out, “Well would you look at that: a fully grown blank flank!”

One of the most basic rules for child bullies is to never do it when there’s a grown up around to see it. Doing this is just stupid.

*Ding*

68

When the unicorn heard this, he suddenly stopped and turned around to look at Diamond Tiara. Diamond Tiara’s face shrank. “Uh-oh.” She then turned around and tried to run away, but the old unicorn quickly grabbed onto her with his unicorn magic.

Young earth pony tries to run away, but old unicorn catches her easily with most basic of spells. Unicorn master race confirmed.

*Ding*

69

The old unicorn then walked over to her and raised her up so that they were both at eye level. “Do you find something funny about the fact that I don’t have my cutie mark?”

“Uhhmm, yes,” Diamond Tiara responded nervously, with a forced smile on her face.

“Some ponies never find their special talent and that makes them feel very upset; and you think that that’s something to laugh at them about?”

Diamond Tiara nervously rolled her eyes away. “I guess so.”

“W-w-what?” The old unicorn was flabbergasted at her answer. “Would you like it if I laughed at your misfortune? Hmmm. Well, there’s only one way to find out.” He then levitated Diamond Tiara into the middle of the street and let go of her. “Now march.”

Diamond Tiara began marching nervously down the street. The old unicorn walked behind her, and then called out at the top of his voice, “Hey everypony, look; it’s that filly whose special talent is wearing jewellery!” he said sarcastically. “That makes her completely not special! Let’s laugh at her for it!”

Recycled dialogue from Simpsons episode, in case you didn’t already know that this story was based on a Simpsons episode.

*Ding*

70

Dozens of ponies from all over town were there laughing at her. There was Caramel, Time Turner, Octavia, Carrot Top, Thunderlane, Daisy, Rose, Lily, Aloe, Lotus, Linky, Candy Mane, Sparkler, Snowflake, Mayor Mare, Raindrops, Flitter, Cloud Chaser, Blossomforth, Dinky, Sunny Days, Peachy Pie, Snips, Snails, Rumble, Dawn Flower, Lightning Flicker, Strong Steed, Diamond Flash, Dusk Shine, Cherry Blossom and more.

Author hides OC’s in a group of background ponies, thinking we wouldn’t notice. But we did.

*Ding*

71

Diamond Tiara cringed her face in embarrassment, as she continued marching forward. It doesn’t feel too good being on the other side of it.
Suddenly, she was hit in the face by a water balloon from above.

Okay, that was pretty cool. I’ll take off one sin.

*Gnid*

70

Rainbow Dash dropped another water balloon and fell back on the cloud laughing. She then turned to Pinkie Pie. “You were right, Pinkie Pie. This town is full of interesting ponies.”

Pinkie Pie responded, “Yep. Everypony in town has their own story to tell. We just don’t have enough time to hear them all.” She then reached over for another water balloon and dropped it down.

“Story ends back where it began” cliché.

*Ding*

71

Sin Count: 71

Sentence:

Bonus Round!!!!

Semi-Colons(;)

All of the residents were going about their daily lives; happy and content, with smiles on their faces, just like always.

+1

“Well, just think about it. Ponyville is filled with all sorts of interesting ponies; and yet, it’s as if we never really pay any attention to them.

+1

Inside the dome, the floor was covered in white tiles; there were several strange machines in the corners and a table in the centre.

+1

Ponies like this doctor were the only ponies in town with their talents, and everypony came to them when they needed help; but if they needed somepony to measure time, then they just picked somepony with an hourglass cutie mark at random.

+1

Everypony has more than just one thing that they’re good at; so why should they have to do the thing that their cutie mark says that they should do?

+1

She had decided then; after this operation, she is going to quit her job and study dentistry to become a dentist.

+1

There were dozens of other ponies who could take her place; and she would finally feel happy with what she was doing with her life.

+1

Lyra was sitting in her usual style; slanted down, with her two back hooves dangling out in front of her.

+1

“I told you; Noteworthy is a dear friend of mine, and I thought that it would be encouraging if we came down here to his operation for moral support.”

+1

I don’t even know him; and it’s not like moral support will actually affect how this operation turns out.

+1

I don’t care what she thinks of me; I’m very mature.

+1

I’m never late with my share of the rent, and I put up with all of her quirks without saying anything; something she doesn’t do for me.

+1

Just because I like to spend my days off lounging around the apartment, not doing anything, or that I’m not the tidiest pony in the world like she is; or because I like to spend my free time researching humans, which definitely do exist somewhere in the world, doesn’t mean that I’m not mature.”

+1

Lyra contemplated what she just thought about; then suddenly, she thought back to what Bon Bon said earlier:

+1

“Maybe I should change; be a better pony and a better friend to Bon Bon.

+1

Bon Bon was right; true friends are always there for you to make you feel better, but true friends like you for who you are, not for who you could be.

+1

Bon Bon didn’t make any comment; she just struggled to find a path through to the kitchen.

+1

When she said this, her map fell from her mouth; however, she quickly grabbed it again and flew off.

+1

She was able to hear what ponies everywhere said when she was nearby; and when she was nearby, they all said the same thing:

+1

Everypony at work treats me like I’m a little filly; even though I have two little fillies at home:

+1

They think that I’m just a klutz who can’t do even the simplest task without screwing up; but that’s okay.

+1

I am a klutz; there’s no denying that.

+1

Sooner or later, everypony is bound to think differently about me; and even if they don’t, that’s okay too.

+1

The only thing that matters is what I think of me; and I think that I am a good pony, who works hard for her friends and family, who is a bit of a klutz, but is trying her very best to do better…”

+1

By the time you wake up, I have to go to bed; and there’s nopony else here to let you know that it arrived.”

+1

The Moon always looks so beautiful because, unlike the Sun, you can stare at it for as long as you like, and it always looks so beautiful among the stars on a clear night sky; but without also living in the sunlight of day, then it’s just not the same.

+1

Think about it; this is the life that I chose, so of course I would have taken these things into consideration before I signed on for it.

+1

I have made a great life for myself. I have a great job doing what I love to do best, I’ve made tons of friends that are into the same things that I am, I get to spend a lot of time with them, and I still get plenty of rest; it’s just not the same way that most other ponies do.

+1

And if I want to go out during the day when I’m tired, to spend time with my friends; then I’ll just sacrifice some of my resting time and go.

+1

She then fell right back onto her pillow and drifted off to sleep; even though she was still wearing her new shades.

+1

They both bought their apples very quickly; just handed over the bits and took what they paid for.

+1

“Well it’s not exactly like Ah can’t speak; Ah just choose not to.

+1

If Ah need to say something, Ah say it; if Ah don’t have to say something, then Ah don’t.

+1

“Wow; I never thought of it like that.

+1

Other ponies like to talk a lot, and Ah like to listen a lot; so it all works out.

+1

“You’re right; like the Sun and the Moon.

+1

“Oh, I almost forgot; what’s your name?”

+1

Big Mac then returned to quietly attending the stall; a smile on his face, his mind full of thoughts and his mouth empty of words.

+1

From that point onwards, every time she went out, other ponies would openly mock her about it, use thinly veiled insults about it as conversation; try to talk to her about the terrible example that she was setting for her little filly, and what they could do to help her.

+1

There were also other ponies who had come up with the idea that she was an over protective mother; never letting her little filly, Berry Pinch, out of her sight; or even that she named her that so that they would always be close.

+1

It didn’t matter what she said, did or what others thought about her; it just didn’t bother her.

+1

“Some ponies never find their special talent and that makes them feel very upset; and you think that that’s something to laugh at them about?”

+1

“Hey everypony, look; it’s that filly whose special talent is wearing jewellery!”

+1

Sin Count: 114

Sentence: There is something wrong with that author. (I just don’t know what went wrong.)

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