Zaid Rants: Steel Resolve's 'You Make My Whole Life Worthwhile' · 4:14pm Feb 14th, 2017
[This story deals with mature themes, namely sex. While this review won’t mention anything explicit, it will make allusions to it while making the analysis. So if two characters expressing their love through the act of sex is something that bothers you, feel free to skip this blog.]
I like romance.
I’m serious, it’s my favourite genre, and I absolutely love (heh) a good story about the developing relationship between characters. And with love in the air, as it were, I went through some of the stories in my Read Later bookshelf, and picked "I Love To See You Smile" by Steel Resolve because the story had a decent rating. And all things being said, I really liked it.
However, that story is not what this rant is about, but it is our starting point to start unraveling the madness that dwells within this little series, so let’s get started.
I’ve been in this site since early 2012, and in all these years I've noticed a trend with erotica that, while not necessarily bad, must be indicative of some underlying issue.
There are dozens of thousands of stories that deal with love—many of which do so remarkably well—and yet there are very few that take the time to explore sex as a way of expressing that love. Conversely, there are probably other thousands upon thousands of clopfics that use romance as nothing more than a starting point to justify the characters getting down to business rather than another layer to the act of sex.
As a result, the number of stories that take the time to blend both the emotional and physical aspects of love is dishearteningly low. What's more, within these stories there are still troubles (or at least, there are if you're a nitpicking wart like me). Because a lot are done in a way that the sex itself is still separate from the romance. If you take the sex away and the story still stands on its own, then I have to wonder if the sex isn't just gratuitous. Much the same way, if you take the romantic aspects from them and you still get a satisfying erotic tale, then is the romance just there to make the sex not seem as shallow as it would otherwise be?
I hope you understand that I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with having stories that are clop written purely for its own sake. Sex exists by itself just as it does within the context of a relationship, but my point is that when compared to the amount of clopfics in the site there’s a disproportionately low amount of stories that successfully manage to pull off an enthralling love/lust tale that blends all aspects of what I've already mentioned while also delivering a satisfying story.
“I Love To See You Smile” is one of them.
To make a not-so-long story short—seriously, it’s barely 40k words long, go read it—Rarity is having a rough time dealing with work-related stress, and goes to SugarCube Corner to distract herself. While there, she tells Pinkie about her problems, and Pinkie in turn suggests she should let off some steam by giving the ol’ honey pot a stir.
My Goodness! What is this she suggests? Be still, my young heart, surely she does not mean what I think she does!
But yeah, Pinkie tells Rarity to try and masturbate to relax and get her mind off of work for a while. Rarity argues that “A lady should not do such things”, while Pinkie tries to explain that it's a completely normal thing to do. Somewhat reluctantly at first, Rarity agrees to try while Pinkie lends a helping hoof. One steamy masturbation session later, they open up to one another and talk about their past experiences with self-pleasure and how that affected them in their lives.
This ties to what I said earlier about being able to mix the plot and the clop evenly, so it doesn’t seem as though one is superfluous. Both Pinkie Pie and Rarity have deep-seated issues that add layers to their characters, and they work towards solving those issues throughout the story, not only through sex but also by talking things out and spending time together, igniting feelings for each other in the process.
Eventually, Pinkie confesses to having been attracted to Rarity for quite some time. Meanwhile, Rarity starts to develop feelings for Pinkie when she learns more about her, and it’s all so, so well-written.
This is probably going to make me lose the respect of some people, but I’m writing a review about a story of two little pastel horses engaging in a sexual journey of self-discovery, I have no dignity to withhold.
I absolutely gushed in delight while I read this. As their tale progresses, you really come to care for them, and that investment in their motivations and aspirations, their desire to overcome their own flaws and get together make their intimate moments carry all that more impact. That's something I've so rarely come across in romance, and it is immensely gratifying. I made little happy noises whenever they overcome a hurdle and grew closer to one another, and squealed like a schoolgirl when they got engaged by the end of the story.
Zaid, I thought these blogs were about you throwing a tantrum because a story about little horses didn’t live up to your arbitrary standards, what’s going on?
I’m allowed to like stories. And “I Love To See You Smile” is one of my all-time favourites. It's a slow-cooking romance story with a good dose of sex, a healthy dash of compelling character exploration, and a happy resolution. What’s not to love?
I’ll tell you what’s not to love. When the next story comes and takes a steaming dump all over the first one.
Now let’s talk about the topic of this rant, “You Make My Whole Life Worthwhile”, the sequel to ‘Smile’ that came six months after the original and just about wrecked all that was good about it.
Through out ‘Smile’, Rarity confided in Fluttershy about all of what was happening with Pinkie, first how insecure she felt about wanting to give a relationship a try, and then just how much she loved Pinkie, how amazing she was, and how much they enjoyed sex.
What Rarity didn’t notice was how this was affecting Fluttershy. Our little shy pegasus has been cooking her own stew of emotions throughout the first story, but it always played in the background. By the end of ‘Smile’ we know that she used to be in a serious relationship with Rainbow Dash, but they broke up, and now that Dash is dating Applejack and Rarity is going on about how great Pinkie is all the time, those feelings of loneliness and longing of having a partner intensify.
Parting from this set-up, most stories would deal with Fluttershy trying to find love and all the ups and downs she’d face in the unpredictable journey towards finding somepony with whom she can share her life.
Well, I don’t write rants about “most stories”.
See, it just so happens that the pony for whom Fluttershy falls is Pinkie Pie. You know, the pony who spent the last story developing a deep emotional connection with Rarity and vice versa.
The premise by itself, is not bad. There is nothing wrong with injecting a bit of drama to liven things up and rise the stakes, as long as it’s well executed and most importantly, has a good resolution. Is that what happens here?
You should know better by now.
Storywise, it feels odd to have this conflict introduced just to kick off the plot. After all, nothing in ‘Smile’ hinted that Fluttershy was developing feelings for Pinkie Pie. Sure, she felt lonely, and part of her was still hung up about her past with Rainbow Dash, situation that wasn’t helped by Rarity’s constant talks of how great a relationship—and Pinkie herself—was.
While it was somewhat expected that the sequel would deal with Fluttershy, nothing suggested that she would fall for Pinkie Pie. I just imagined Rarity would help her meet new people, gain confidence, maybe talk things out with Dash so she can solve any remaining issues she has, all while the RariPie plot continued to develop in the background.
You know, the relationship we spent an entire story witnessing bloom into love.
But hey, emotional investment is for schmucks, let’s go for some more drama!
One day, Fluttershy catches Rarity and Pinkie Pie having sex at Carousel Boutique and is unable to look away. This coupled with all the aforementioned events in her life, finally push her over the edge and makes her fall for Pinkie, and even if it had absolutely zero build-up, I must admit it feels like a logical step for her character to take.
So, regardless of how it came to be, we circle back to the original question: Is this development well executed?
The answer is surprisingly more complicated than simply saying “No”.
Let’s do a quick recap of the events of "I Love To See You Smile" leading up to the beginning of “You Make My Whole Life Worthwhile”, shall we?
Pinkie Pie started to nurse a crush for Rarity ever since they got stuck in the desert, but never felt she really had a shot with her. Once Rarity reveals she’s never partaken in self-pleasure, Pinkie offers to help, afterwards they start talking about deep personal issues that stem from their own explorations of intimacy. Rarity starts to feel infatuated herself and after a series of endearing and wacky shenanigans, then have a heart to heart and start dating. As their feelings for each other deepen, they eventually make the decision to get married.
So, this is the situation. Rarity and Pinkie Pie are deeply in love with each other and care wholeheartedly for the happiness of the other. The story has gone to great lengths to show us that. Now let’s introduce the disruptive Fluttershy Element.
After a series of misunderstandings and some well-intentioned meddling from Pinkie’s part regarding her recent attitude, Fluttershy kisses her and confesses her love.
Remember that by this point Pinkie Pie and Rarity are engaged, they announced their plans for marriage in front of all of their friends and have gone on record saying how much they mean to each other.
In her defense, Fluttershy has been a mess of emotions lately and even though she definitely should have known better or at least should have tried to explain things earlier, it was a purely emotional outburst that while not necessarily forgivable, is understandable. So, how will Pinkie Pie and Rarity react to this enormous betrayal of their trust?
Why have a crisis for half a chapter and then immediately decide to court Fluttershy for a polyamorous relationship, of course!
Yeah, you read right.
Nevermind all the bonding they did throughout the first story, all the tears and heartache, the healing of emotional wounds, the exploration of each other's bodies, their heartfelt confession, and the fact that they're gonna get married. Fluttershy is sad, so they have to make her happy!
I find it incredibly hard to wrap my mind around this. ‘Smile’ did a splendid job at selling us the RarityxPinkie relationship, to the point that I genuinely want them to be happy and get married and I simply do not buy that they would act the way they do in the sequel.
Is Steel Resolve seriously trying to tell us that the same Pinkie Pie who bared her heart to Rarity and considers the day she told her she loved her back the happiest day of her life is going to think it’s a good idea to bring Fluttershy into their relationship just because she has a crush on her?
And the same Rarity who vowed to share her life with Pinkie Pie, and who has devoted herself in body and mind will be so eager to share her partner in an open relationship?
I’m sorry, but nothing of what I’ve read so far points towards that conclusion.
Chapter three of “You Make My Whole Life Worthwhile” has Rarity confront Fluttershy after she confessed and kissed Pinkie Pie. Early on in the story, Rarity realised something was bothering Fluttershy, and when she finds out is a love-related issue, she more or less pushes Fluttershy into confessing to whomever the subject of her crush is. What’s more, once Pinkie Pie runs into her, she notices something is bothering her, and tries to get her to open up, which in turn leads to the aforementioned kiss and confession.
Therefore, we can’t in good conscience place the full blame on Fluttershy for blurting out her feelings to Pinkie Pie. She was being pressured by the two other involved parties, even if unbeknownst to them, so it is understandable that her nerves got the better of her.
What can’t be so easily excused, as Rarity eloquently puts it, is the kiss.
“You kissed her, yet I had to keep a tight reign on myself to avoid getting angry at her,” Rarity told the floorboards, shaking her head in disgust. ”I can’t even begin to express how wrong that is...”
Let’s make one thing clear: Rarity is completely justified in her anger. This has nothing to do with being in favour of polyamorous relationships or not, Fluttershy can’t be faulted for having those feelings, and can’t be entirely blamed for her confession, but nothing—nothing—justifies acting on those feelings with such disregard for the feelings of her soon-to-be-married friends.
I’m sure some will say that the problem lies within me and not with the story. Maybe “You Make My Whole Life Worthwhile” just wanted to tell the story of a polyamorous relationship, and make a stance about how there are many ways to love. Well, you’ll have to forgive me for not buying it.
Execution is everything. The plot is important, of course, but it’s ultimately up to the author to make the story feel believable.
So, what does the execution of these stories tell us?
In short, that its entire premise is flawed from its inception. And that is the most egregious crime of this series, because it’s trying to sell us a three way relationship but while Pinkie Pie and Rarity love each other, Fluttershy just has the hots for Pinkie.
Don’t take that as me playing down Fluttershy’s feelings, it’s a straightforward observation that I can back up with examples from the story.
It’s true that Rarity and Pinkie Pie’s relationship started from a sexual encounter, but it was founded on the existing infatuation between them that didn’t stem from mere physical attraction but an admiration and respect that ran deep and had been forged through years of knowing each other.
Meanwhile,the entire basis for Fluttershy’s feelings is that she felt lonely and was constantly aroused by Rarity’s tirades of how great Pinkie was in bed.
Oh, but that’s so reductive! Fluttershy also found endearing all the other qualities Rarity mentioned about Pinkie!
Yeah, no. All Rarity told Fluttershy was how aspects of Pinkie personality complemented hers, not once throughout ‘Smile’ or the first chapters of the sequel ar we shown if Fluttershy feels attracted to Pinkie’s personality.
We spent the entirety of ‘Smile’ seeing how Rarity and Pinkie figured out the feelings inside them, how it affected them, how they wanted to act, how those sensations bloomed into love until Rarity proposes to Pinkie Pie and they decide to get married and that moment felt so earned.
With Fluttershy, we are told she likes Pinkie Pie, gets flustered a few times, and then kisses her and blurts out a botched declaration of “love”.
That’s it, that’s all we’re given. Where are the chapters that deal with how Fluttershy liked Pinkie Pie’s personality before she started a relationship with Rarity? Where are the little anecdotes of the times those two spent together, which planted the seeds of love?
With the way the story is told, I’m more inclined to believe Fluttershy just felt in love with the image of Pinkie being relied through Rarity’s anecdotes, which found fertile ground on her heart, but the plot would have you believe Fluttershy’s feelings are as strong as Rarity’s.
We’re supposed to accept the undermining of the entire first story just because. If it had been made clear from the beginning that both Pinkie and Rarity were okay with an open relationship, it'd be one thing, but ‘Smile’ made such an excellent job at convincing us that these two had found in each other something special, something they longed for and that complemented them.
To add insult to injury, the way the narrative of chapter three is constructed, it almost seems as though the story is trying to make Rarity the antagonist. Because apparently not wanting to share your significant other is a bad thing. She raises all these valid objections as to why she doesn’t want to share Pinkie Pie with anyone else, and how what Fluttershy did is a betrayal of their trust and feels so hurt because of it, and why a three way relationship can’t work, and what is the damned point of all of this if just a scene later every single one of the points Rarity brought up are is just going to be ignored and she’ll make a hundred and eighty degree turn on her position and agree to the idea of courting Fluttershy?
And the most insulting thing is how Pinkie reacts to this.
Remember that she’s the one who fell for Rarity first, the one who didn’t think herself worthy, the one who put aside her emotional turmoil to help the object of her affections.
The same Pinkie who said this about Rarity:
“Okay, imagine you are a Pinkie Pie. You have a friend that you like, actually you have lots of friends you like. But one you really, really, really like. But you’re just a Pinkie Pie, and she’s a Rarity. She likes stallions, that's all she ever talks about. So you keep that to yourself. But then, one day, she comes to you. She’s unhappy, and when you tell her how she might be able to feel better, she tells you she never does that. Not only that, she tells you she feels ashamed to even try. When she tells you why it makes you so sad, because you... well you had something like that happen too.”
“Now you have a problem, because you’re still just a Pinkie Pie, and she’s still Rarity! So you take a risk, a big risk, like that-first-time-you-threw-a-party big: you offer to help her. You know this is going to be hard, because it means being close to the pony that you are trying not to upset with your little Pinkie Pie feelings. And you’re worried, because you like her, but you don’t want to bother her with that, you just want to help. But she agrees!“
“That's like... like seeing all your friends laughing at the same time! She seems happy to do things with you, and then she wants to do more with you... Then she says words a Pinkie Pie only ever dreamed of hearing...no, not ‘Want to get some more muffins’, but something way, way, waaay more important than that... those words you'd never-ever in a million years thought she'd say... What should that Pinkie Pie do? I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m just dreaming but even my dreams didn’t act like this.”
Is going to feel the same way for Fluttershy?
A relationship requires balance, the reciprocation of feelings. Do you think Pinkie’s feelings for Fluttershy will be even comparable to the ones she has for Rarity? Oh, but the story sure would love to make you believe that’s the case.
This leads to what I deem the second worst aspect of “You Make My Whole Life Worthwhile”. The complete assassination of Pinkie’s character.
The Pinkie Pie from the first story had depth, an arc, compelling motivations, and relatable issues that made her a full fledged character who didn’t stray far away from her core personality from the show. The sequel, however, decided to hit the reset button on her for the sake of getting the plot moving. Gone is the deep and well-rounded Pinkie, and in comes Standard-Fanfiction-Characterization-Pinkie to take her place.
“Fluttershy feels sad because she has a crush on me? Can’t have a pony being sad, let’s include her in our relationship even though that shows a complete disregard of Rarity’s feelings from my part!”
"I Love To See You Smile" showed us the depth a romantic relationship could have. “You Make My Whole Life Worthwhile”—as far as I can tell—wanted to showcase a functional polyamorous relationship, but in trying to mix those two approaches to love, it undermines both ideas.
I honestly don’t understand what is the point anymore. If you want to write a story about a polyamorous relationship then plan it that way from the beginning, and if you’re going to use an existing story as a starting point, then take the time to justify the change in the minds of the characters.
As it stands right now, I can’t say “You Make My Whole Life Worthwhile” is one of the worst stories I’ve ever read, far from the truth, but it is probably the most ungrateful sequel I’ve ever had the disappointment of reading. It completely ignores and overrides all the positive aspects of its predecessor just to push a rushed, under-developed polyamorous relationship.
I just can’t help but wonder why this story was done the way it was done. It came out half a year after the original, so I don’t think it’s fair to say it was written just to capitalise on the popularity of the first story. Perhaps it meant to tell a polyamorous tale and used the unsuspecting fans of the first story as a guaranteed audience.
I don’t know… Perhaps I’m just being too cynical.
I know reality is different, harsher, that people fall in and out of love, and that maintaining an emotional connection takes lots of effort and sacrifice but deep down… Deep down I want to believe that true love exists.
…
That all the love stories I’ve written are tragic tales about loss and unrequited feelings mean nothing, you hear me? Nothing!
I almost wanna dare you to post this on his story, if for no other reason than I'd be immensely curious to see if/how he responds.
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You know, it never crossed my mind to actually share these rants with the authors. These were mostly just for me to vent about how I got mad because some stories didn't live up to my imaginary standards. Besides, I always felt these were a bit mean spirited.
I'unno, I suppose there's some underlying trace of actual criticism in these things beneath the layers of entitled rage...
Eh, I'll share 'em. What's the worse that could happen?
Heh. Well, that is certainly a strong reaction. First of all. I want to thank you for posting that link in the sequel, and not the first story, seeing as you basically summarize the plot for both.
I should probably give you some context as to what lead to the steaming dump. But first, it might help to understand where the original came from.
Smile was a labor of love inspired by the way the characters of Pinkie and Rarity played off of each other. I found some fun examples of this in the show, but the story itself was inspired by their interaction in a little story I've been writing for five years now.
That story is Green, and the primary ship is Flarity.
I wanted to explore Raripie, and how it might come about based on a shared history. During that story I built up a romantic couple with a strong bond, but the relationship was a little volatile at times. Strong love, but being that you had two free thinkers, they tended to clash a bit here and there. They lacked an element of grounding.
So, we have our Raripie, We have our Flarity. Two very different ships, both with a marshmallow center. I feel very strongly about both, you would think that would clash.
Not to me.
I've always seen these three as having a complicated relationship. They often try to help each other, to varying degrees of success. Sometimes, intentionally or not, they hurt each other. But the intent is always to prop each other up.
Like three sides of a stool, you could say.
And now you're making a stool joke.
I always love strong reactions, it tells me I managed to invest someone. That's wonderful. Apparently, I invested you so much in the Raripie that the Flaripie came off as shallow to you. While I don't agree, the reaction is fair.
You say that there is nothing to show you Fluttershy's feelings in any meaningful way in Smile. That's true. For the bulk of that story I placed Raripie in a bubble world, and didn't let them out until they'd resolved their feelings somewhat. So let me give you a little insight there; Fluttershy loves both of them.
You'll call that a copout, but it's true. When she found out that two of her best friends, arguably the two closest friends to her in the group, had found love in each other, she was over-joyed. She loved hearing Rarity gush about Pinkie. She loved how happy Rarity was, and how happy Pinkie was. These three have a wealth of history in the show, and in the end, it's about supporting one another, even if sometimes it becomes sharing harsh truths.
If Fluttershy simply had the hots for Pinkie, she had a moment she could have broken them up in Smile. Rarity had a moment of doubt towards the end. She loved Pinkie, truly and deeply, but could it work long-term? Fluttershy simply said to not overthink things.
She loved them as a couple, and the last thing she ever wanted was to hurt them.
But, sometimes intentions aren't enough. She was being involved in their relationship whether she wanted that or not, as a friend and emotional support for Rarity, who was sometimes overwhelmed by Pinkie being Pinkie. The stories made her envious. She loved them as a couple, but she wished she could have that for herself. The old feelings she had for Dash found very fertile ground in the spontaneous Pinkie. It was a case of love at second sight, as she remembered that rush of emotions she'd had back then. She knew it wasn't love in the most honest sense, but it was hard to separate from the love she felt for them both as her friends.
But until she saw them in flagrante, it was fine. Hearing stories, while embarrassing, wasn't the same as seeing with her own eyes. It became very, very difficult to keep her emotions in check. It also became exceedingly difficult to see Pinkie and not see her as a sexual being. She was trapped.
Rarity, well meaning as she was, really flubbed. She wanted Fluttershy to confront her crush, to help her either deal with it, or find somepony for herself. Forcing that of course forced a confrontation with herself in the end. One she never wanted to make.
Then we have Pinkie, who was guilty only of being adorable. You brought up one of my favorite lines in Smile. She'd been crushing on Rarity for a long, long time, and having something develop from that was entirely unrealistic to her.
You said compared to that, just accepting Fluttershy was shallow, and you're right. It's not the same.
But it doesn't have to be.
What Pinkie saw in Fluttershy at that moment of the kiss and confession was a pony hurting. A pony who had been carrying a burden in her heart, and had finally let it go.
She saw herself in that moment she'd finally confessed to Rarity.
When Pinkie sees a friend in need, she doesn't look away. She helps. Even if that friend just made her and Rarity cry. It's what she does.
To her, it was a simple equation from the start. She didn't love Rarity any less, she was simply presented with this new thing, and it fit right alongside the other thing. Easy peasy.
Like as not, none of this really swayed you. That's okay. I'm just glad you reacted. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and I'm sorry for all of this rambling.
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It's funny, I didn't actually expect you to reply. Or at least not so soon...
And, hey, just to be sure we're both clear, if I came off as a bit mean-spirited at moments, I apologise, I honestly meant no disrespect. I just get really invested in stories and I only complain because I care, and boy did I care about these two stories. I mean, these blogs are called Zaid Rants, not Zaid takes an objective view of the circumstances surrounding the creation of a story as well as the inherent hardships that come when bringing said stories to life. You’ll notice the latter is not as catchy.
I’m going to tell you a little secret, I downloaded the epub files for both stories to read on my phone and actually spent the whole night, right up until sunrise, in my bed reading, I was just so enthralled as the story went on. So yeah, if I got this emotional in my analysis was because you really pulled me in with these stories.
Anyway, moving on to address your points, believe it or not Flarity is actually one of my favourite ships since way back in 2012 when I first got into this whole equine madness. Funnily enough, I’ve had Green in my tracking folder since about the same time, so that added another layer of conflict for me while reading the sequel.
I like the way these three play off of each other, and under other circumstances, I would give a three-way relationship a go without a second thought. Just as you said, there are negative and positive shades that comprise the whole of their relationship but that ultimately still is one cemented on friendship and genuine affection, “Like three sides of a stool”.
No, you’re robbing me of the chance of making that joke first. How rude.
Nevertheless, while I do understand the logic behind wanting to make a story featuring this trio involved in a romantic relationship and I see how such a story could stem from the groundwork laid in ‘Smile’, the origin of my emotional outburst comes from the way said relationship was introduced in the story.
I’m not going to lie, I did not see the RariFlutterPie relationship coming, I talked about how I thought the story would develop in the analysis, so that really took me off-guard. However, I pressed on, because I liked the first story so much, and part of what made me like that story was how you dwelled on the mind of the characters, how they worked through these blossoming thoughts and feelings within them and I was waiting to see the same with Fluttershy.
Also, I don’t doubt Fluttershy genuinely loves them but, be that as it may, I found I was repeatedly telling this to myself because I couldn’t make that assertion with the information I was presented up until that moment.
It’s true that part of me didn’t want the three-way relationship to happen, but I pressed on to see how it would play out. I mentioned this in the rant, but I was really waiting for those introspective moments where Fluttershy tries to make sense of the feelings growing in her interspersed with how guilty she felt for causing this disruption in her friends relationship.
Likewise, I wanted to see Pinkie Pie dwell on these new feelings presented by the kiss and confession, contrast them with how she felt about her fiancée. I mean, the closest we get to something like that is Rarity’s thoughts about how she felt betrayed by Fluttershy’s actions.
I understand that it probably wasn’t feasible to spend a chapter with each character and have them sit down and have a deep and extensive monologue about the nature of love, but ‘Smile’ pulled these moments off beautifully, and I found them sorely missing in the opening chapters of the sequel.
You gave status quo a shock with the introduction of Fluttershy’s feelings, but I waited for you to get me invested in the polyamorous relationship the same way you got me to root for Rarity and Pinkie’s relationship in the first story. I wanted you to sell me that love, just like you had done the first time and I would have rooted for their relationship to work, but with the way the situation was presented, I just couldn’t find it in myself to believe in them the same way I did before.
In chapter three, when Rarity starts rising all these objections about why she doesn’t feel a relationship between the three of them could work, I ended up agreeing with her, and that would have been the perfect moment address all the same questions and objections that were popping in my mind, but to have them summarily brushed aside like that… Honestly, it stung a little bit.
I know I may come off as entitled for demanding that you should cater to my way of thinking, but know that despite all of what I said and the strong opinions I hold, I genuinely appreciate these stories, and I commend your ability for reeling me into your narrative the way I wished more stories would.
Or perhaps I’m just being too sensitive because that was the fourth Valentine’s Day in a row I spent alone, but who keeps count of that?
No, thank you for the stories. And if you sat through all of my argumentative whining and cared to answer some of my points, the least I could do was reply.
I wish you the best, and may you keep writing engaging stories.
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I think it could have gone worse, all things considered.
To be honest, I too thought some of these thoughts when I went through the first three chapters. In fact, I had concluded it had to blow up sometime down the line, because Fluttershy wasn't in love with Pinkie, she was in love with the idea of Pinkie... That's what, to me, carried across. I mean, it's sometimes just too easy to latch onto something you desire in its immediate presentation, even if the presentation itself isn't exactly what you had in mind...
So I do agree that the second story could use some work, perhaps through a side-story that covers the backdrop of the events of the first one and a little bit of the sequel... Sort of... Fluttershy's take on "I'm so sad, but my friends are happy... And what is this feeling that's welling up inside me?" as a narration. Hell, how about just taking the explanation from Steel Resolve's post and turning it into a story bridging the two?
With the way Steel Resolve writes them, and the amazingly delicious potential the first realized in the 'introspection' departament, I feel it would be an overally sad - but rewarding - read, with "You Make my Whole Life Worthwhile" coming in hot on its heels (chronologically), turning the entire experience upside-down and sideways. A little bit of "we realized what we were missing and learned a lot... and now that we're mentally equipped to understand recognize these problems, what do I see sitting in the corner there that I hadn't noticed before?"
I mean, they both would, one after the other, come off as deliciously jarring. I eat that stuff up, let me tell you.
Just my two bits.