The Quickening: Selfies or: We need an Orwellian Society · 4:10pm Feb 9th, 2017
Author's note: The following text was made for the subject of opinion; the goal was to build a humorous article, grounded in personal experiences. To take it seriously would be more absurd than what the lines they are about to read propose.
Either because it's turning into idiotic behavior, because it sucks the art of photography wildly, or because my cell phone is so backward that it does not even have a front camera: I HATE SELFIES.
The selfy (plural, selfies) is the act of taking a picture of yourself using a mobile telecommunication device or a webcam, and share it through social networks. The 35 thousand filters that alter the color of the photo are optional. Law of thirds? White balance? Scale and angulation? These self-images flatly say NO to the most basic conditions of photography.
Exception #1: Nick can take selfies... he's fantastic by nature.
My disregard for this practice reached its zenith a few weeks ago in the accomplishment of a group work for college. We were all focused on the execution of any exercise, except a classmate who found greater fun in the grimaces that she gave to the camera of her cell phone, and that reflected through the screen. As if it were an automaton, she repeated the same photo with the same pose without rest. Contemplating this perennial activity conveyed a sense of discomfort and discomfort. It's ridiculous that the smartphone that people carry today is smarter than them.
My problem really is not against the self, but against THE selfies and the attitude that manifests itself at the moment of its conception. Taking one is okay, two may be necessary, three is gluttony, four is a problem... fifty?! ... a hundred?! I think they are a serious case of stupidity, and honestly, I think in the long run it just proves that taking selfies is ego masturbation.
Exception #2: Star and Pony Head can do it as well... they're majesties from another dimension.
I propose a way to solve this problem! Let us establish an Orwellian society, but a real one, not an insipid and devoid of personality like the one from Veronica Roth (author of the Divergent tetralogy). Let's settle for one where surveillance is total and tolerance is zero, one where I am "The Big Brother."
The first thing would be to dust and sharpen the old guillotines from the French Revolution, to periodically use them in anyone who dares to take more than 3 selfies a day. And nothing of removing the rust accumulated over the centuries, if they are going to lose their heads I doubt very much that they end up worrying about the tetanus.
The condemned, just before being beheaded, would be forced to take a series of selfies and upload them to their social networks with the slogan: "Losing my head xD", and with their respective hashtags like: #VintageStyle; #FeelLikeRobespierre; among others similar. In addition, in case of being stuck using a selfie stick, this would be introduced in its rectum moments before the heading... it can't be denied that it would work as a good adornment, like a pretty halberd.
I second that motion, with a vengeance!
Bearing in mind the imperative need that people have to communicate through social media how much shit makes up; the detection of non-compliance with the rule would be an act of voluntary self-infliction. Even the Capitol of Panem was not as effective at detecting regime dissidents.
In the long run this policy would end up reducing one third to the human inhabitants of the earth, which would radically solve the problems of overpopulation. Also, the hundred smartphones that are orphaned after this holy social purge, would be given to people of lower resources, increasing their level of stratum.
Exception #3: Emma and Kitty can take them too... they're adorable.
Three complicated problems of the current generation (global overpopulation, social inequality and community or collective stupidity), solved from a simple law. That would be fantastic!
But all this will be nothing more than a twisted and hilarious mockery. Dystopias today are only accepted by the public if they have a teenage love triangle (usually badly written) in between. I guess opinion will have to conform with this:
As a professional photographer I approve of this.