Not the Normal Blarg · 10:01am Jan 11th, 2017
Been getting a few negative comments of late, on Saving Equestria, and it has been biting me.
I know I have trouble with action, which was my primary motivation in tagging the story as "Drama" instead. I never intended the action to be... where the action was.
So I want to hear from my fans on this, what do you think, really? I know a lot of readers tend to stay silent right up until a story ends and is marked complete, but right now I am concerned that I should be marking it canceled, and move on to other things.
I have, right now, about a dozen stories waiting to happen. I have at least two that are almost completed, that really need to be. And I have at least three patrons begging me for more time in the day to write.
Tell me you love it, tell me you hate it, but don't wait until after I decide.
IDK I guess the Luna thing is starting to drag on a bit maybe is the only sore point I might have. Even with being stuck in the moon for a millennia, surely she has enough life experience prior to read the situation better than she is, it feels like she's artificially thick or something. Then it might be able to progress onto the real villains, I guess?
4378428
(or as the dumb super model said "It's pronounced Chee-whoer-whoer..cause I know Mexican.")
4378442 edit: I should really read the current chapter before commenting, Ay Chihuahua!!
It is a great story, it's simply your whole 'Twilight ate the royal jelly' concept was entirely unneeded for the story. The plot and focus was on Chrysalis being good, and the invasion being a way to show Celestia she was serious. That concept of yours runs counter to the whole Changeling and Ponies in harmony working together to keep Equestria safe and make it stronger. The rest of the story is great, seriously. Just that you made a decision, and it ended up bringing out quite a few vocal people, myself included. Even if you Dues Ex it away with Twilight's ascension down the road to an alicorn, it just runs counter to the entire premise and concept.
The more someone is enjoying a story, the more they're going to speak up when an unneeded idea is interjected. And loudly, too. It's a shame that you feel like it's dragging you down, but there you have it. I don't think you should cancel it, but I'm still of the firm belief it's a poor idea because of how counter it runs to your premise that was presented. A pretty unique one, too, given that I don't think many people have done an invasion for good reasons.
EDIT - Note that I have yet to read the latest chapter or two. The concept was a massive turnoff, so looked to other stories for the time being for reading.
Im really liking the fic, would be a shame if you were to cancel it.
I'm enjoying it.
Not good at vocalising reasons for things, so this might get a bit unfocused/rambling but my current thoughts are: I do agree with Boulder (the story is getting bogged down a bit with Luna) and Spacecowboy (the Twilight/royal jelly arc doesn't fit right), but I still look forwards to the story updates. The personal interactions are still the best bits, and it'll be interesting seeing them under stress when the next threat does come along, and I'm enjoying the explorations of Changeling biology but that's because I get way more into worldbuilding than I should.
Okay, will round out this "chapter" then, and see how things go. What is coming up? (note: these are extreme spoilers)
Sombra sits on the throne of the Crystal Empire
Shining's army and tactics are put to the test
Twilight searches for a solution to her problem, before she has to leave to help her brother.
Equestria is affected by the death of their love. The Crystal Heart doesn't radiate kindness and hope, Sombra guides it.
Luna, without the new-found kindness Twilight Sparkle brought to her, fights another battle, this time against herself.
Scootaloo visits her family, all of them.
the story is really nice,the premise is really different and unique in a positive way but, i also agree that the royal jelly thing was unneeded . the luna thing is almost over i think so i don't think that's a problem. also its a little strange there's no signs of resistance from the change of management from the common ponies anywhere.there's always someone that isn't happy with change and we don't see much of that here. as for the lack of action i think we are still getting there sombra is about to show up and that will shake things a bit.
you cant please everyone dude, but most people are enjoying what you have written so far
i know i am
it's a good story, no real complaints from me.
Please don't cancel it, I'm really interested to see where this is all going, regardless of action or lack there of.
I find it a good story and it shouldn't matter if some people can't accept, that you can't write action. We are all different in what can be written from you or others. Nights favoured child has almost no action (no battles as of now) but look at other stories like soldier of magic it is almost purely twilight fighting and I like both. You shouldn't let such people drag you down or ruin a good story for you or others. If they don't like it they shouldn't read your story. Yes everyone has an opinion but if they don't like a story they shouldn't be so negative about it others like the story. But it is your decision if you cancel this story or just put it on hiatus or continue it.
Don't cancel it, it's a great story. A fantastic piece of writing.
I think it's a great story!
Ilike it as it is and hopefull goes on.
Was every turn in the story necessary? Maybe not.
I can only say Waht I am thinking and that is you should continue the story because personly I like it.
I'm enjoying the story. I never expected explicit action, and I like how any overt action is played 'off-screen'. Just from the previous chapters, I expected the Luna scene to play out with words rather than force, but what actually happened was a pleasant surprise.
I do want to repeat others' concerns about the Twilight Jelly plot line. I also feel that it's out of place in this story, but I have yet to read any story that I didn't find some minor fault with.
Please, don't cancel the story. Either continue, or, if you are truly tired of writing this piece, wrap things up properly. No need to sully your reputation with a cancelled 'epic'. That could lead a future possible reader to the conclusion that you tend to bite off more than you can chew. Personally, I tend to check out authors' track records before investing my time into a multi-month story.
--Spade
I should make it clear I did not mean conflict in terms of action but rather conflict in terms of opposing goals. The resolution of the luna and remane 5 group went far too smoothly. Even if they never come to actual blows, the purpose of their situation is not all that impactful since it was resolved so quickly, and twilight being a changeling is something I personally like but it is not used to sew any mistrust between celestia and chrysalis, or twilight and the luna-remane5 group. The chapters of Re:Changeling before the last two to three are a great example of how you can induce tension and drama without resorting to long drawn out combat scenes. Please read them if you are having difficulty.
Again your story has a great premise but too little is going wrong for the hero's goals. and while Twilight experiances the "misfortune" of being a changeling there is no actual political and social rammifications for her which are the driving force of the cliche in the first place.
The purpose of defending equestria is pretty simple, Celestia is doing it wrong and Chrysalis is taking over, This makes the whole vehicle of the narrative to focus around weather or not Chrysalis is right. To create dramatic tension her new regime must be challenged _Meaningfully_, and luna and the remane 5 are an excellent power group that can sway resistance that will put pressure on Chrysalis to perform better than Celestia. Twilight's situation is another convenient source of conflict that seems to be getting buried.
I dont doubt there will be people who turn their noses up at what is happening on the surface, but these are the real deep problems with the story. Chrysalis's opposition is drying up far too fast on her side of the field.
I can't speak for other readers, but I personally would be very sad to see the story be cancelled, especially if - as it sounds - you already have an idea of where to take and where to end it.
It's not just a good story, it's one of the absolute best stories around Queen Chrysalis I've ever read. Most of the others I've seen were either just mediocre, or focused so much on (sometimes ridiculous) comedy that it overshadows any dramatic plots they might have.
As such, yes, I would very much like to see the story continue further. If it helps I will take note to leave more positive comments on the future chapters, instead of just reading them and moving on.
And of course there's the fact that it's one of very few personal favorites that are updating somewhat regularly.
I would love to see it continue, it's quirky, has a sense of comedy without ruining the serious nature of it's contents, and to be frank is one of the few stories where Celestia's nature is openly decreed by some one inside the story, something I thoroughly enjoy.
well I just read story and got to say I like it a lot, it a different take on everything which I enjoy. not every story need action, some action is good for some people, me I am in middle some story I want action other I don't care. this one here I don't think it need much if any action..... it a good story and you should keep it up, and ignore the nay say and write what you want and how you feel the story should go.
Please don't cancel it.
I love Saving Equestria. 
No cancelling it! ;~; It is a good story. I have literally no complaints about it, and that's rather rare for me. :3
The only thing I would have done is not having events lead to Twilight becoming a changeling. Or have a way for her to get out of it.
Seriously, don't cancel this. No story is going to be every persons cup of tea but for those that enjoy the story it means a lot to see it completed.
I'd prefer you didn't cancel it. I concur that the whole royal jelly thing felt unnecessary, but I'm curious where you're going to go with it.
Hard spoiler again, but for all of you fearing the worst for Twilight: While she will start to show signs of becoming a changeling, staying that way (or becoming worse) is not her destiny. The Princess of the hive is and will always be, Scootaloo.
Having just read the latest chapter, the real problem is that you tried to use action as a substitute for drama, not a lack of action. You had a wonderful setup with a tangle of interpersonal problems tying things together while implicitly reflecting the nationwide situation, and then you sank it with a lazy dose of defeat means friendship. Make no mistake, I still like what you are doing with the story overall and especially like what you are doing with Chrysalis so I definitely don't want to see it canceled, but since you asked I felt it was appropriate to point out what the problem was.
4379647 While I don't really have a strong opinion on this subject either way unlike others here, this comment does make me wonder why you decided to include it. It doesn't seem like you are using it to generate conflict in an interesting way (and didn't need that anyways since you already had plenty of conflict with Luna) and this comment makes it sound like it isn't relevant to the overall plot, so I'm not seeing any reason for you to include it in the story at all. You make it sound like you just tacked it on with no real reason or plan, and that rarely works out well with a major story element like this. It would have been different if all the jelly did was cause Twilight's mane to fall out or something similarly embarrassing because then it would have been a silly little tidbit and a fun way to acknowledge Twilight's total lack of survival instincts when conducting research, but major plot points need reasons to exist and even the possibility of changing her species definitely qualifies as a major plot point.
Sorry, this is getting me wound up for no good reason. Truth is, people ask me this kind of stuff all the time about my longer stories, they expect every chapter to be the last and don't accept that there is reason for the things I show.
Basically, this whole mess has nearly cost me two days of writing now, dealing with it, and my motivations. The only reason I got a chapter out today was it was a buffered one.
I think I need to just stop reading comments and write.
4379887 Fair enough. I wasn't going to say anything at all, but since you asked for detailed feedback I figured I should provide it even if it is mostly things others have already brought up and I don't care about all that much. I don't think there is any need to make changes to what you have written, but pointing out the structural problems will help you avoid them in the future so I went ahead and wrote that up.
4379903 The problem is—from experience in other long, episodic stories—that people read what I have published, and judge that, without expecting there to be a reason to what I have written, and why it is there.
It happened in Given Shape, a lot. People saw a chapter of what seemed to be a clopfic, and wondered why things were happening in particular ways.
That's the problem with this "Post chapter by chapter" format. If the story evolves, the tags become incorrect and need to be updated, which makes many readers angry that a story didn't turn out the way it looked to.
We are having fun. I feel there's a reason for all the "accidents" that happened (and will happen) and how the characters handle it is what makes the drama fulfilling.
With the Twilight jelly thing, that was her mistake, one she will deal with, but just because this isn't Utopia doesn't mean it's bad. It would be boring if there was no conflict.
I mean, we didn't give up on Silver when his stories started reading bat guano insane, why should this be different?
I'm here for the ride and I really want to see the actual conclusion
Write on, Friend!
4379905 I understand where you are coming from and that is why I usually adopt a wait and see attitude unless things go really wrong, but you do have to bear in mind the fact that readers don't know what you have planned and have to make judgements based on what they can see.
Honestly, this sounds like it is more a lack of foreshadowing than anything else to me because proper foreshadowing major plot elements is critical to keep them from feeling like they are coming out of nowhere. Using Twilight's transformation as an example, the right way to do that would be to have first made it clear that Chrysalis was giving Scootaloo honey to transform her rather than doing something else in conjunction with it, and then later giving Twilight more time with the honey before she started eating it herself.
Also, you may want to consider either tightening up your narrative by stripping away all the unnecessary plot threads or opening it out into a full epic to give yourself the space to have the various elements wander around and interweave in their own time. You have already gotten plenty of advice on stripping things down so I won't go into that, and if you want advice on epic storytelling I recommend reading this comment and ideally the story as well (assuming you have time for an 800,000+ word story) to get a feel for how to do that right.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/163706/bad-mondays#comment/7153088
I really like the story so I would be sad to see it go but on the other hoof it just reached a point at which it could've wrapped up pretty neatly needing just an epilogue (the successful takeover and Luna's final acceptance.
4381353 Nah, I need to clean up the major chapter. Sombra needs to be dealt with.
I agree with APony, except I would also like to see the Sombra part and How twi fairs as a changeling
This is one of my favorite stories, though! A true gem that I've been recommending to a few friends. It would be sad to see it go, but I'd understand.
I love it.
I feel bad for not commenting and typo checking as much as I have in the past, but I'm spread pretty thin of late.
I'll try to devote some solid time to you this weekend.