Single for the first time in my life, and it's working for me! · 3:30pm Jan 4th, 2017
I've been gone for over a year now. 2014 was heart breaking when my 12 year marriage ended, 2015 I lost everything I had left and became homeless. 2016 I dedicated everything I had to a 2 year relationship that sadly failed a week before christmas just before ending it's 3rd year and I lost my home again, and now I kinda dread 2017.
I'm trying to pull my life together, but it's really hard. It's almost like society is designed to keep the homeless and jobless... homeless and jobless. Really, the resources available to the homeless and jobless don't amount to much when there isn't any jobs or apartments available and droves of people clamoring over the resources available. I've been depressed for so long anhedonia has muted the pleasure in life. From one disappointment to the next, and back again I've lost the overall desire to be alive. Most of me just wants to fade into the shadows and disappear. A part of me wants there to be light at the end of the tunnel, but it's really hard to keep faith that at some point there will be happiness in my life.
I know I'm not the only one. Most of my friends are also beaten down and slowly fading away. My kids and my friends are the reasons I keep going. However, even as bleak as everything has been I can almost feel excitement for the new year. I have a home... surprise! And a job so I can finally survive. I got both in the last few weeks. It's been almost two years since I could say I have a home without sugar coating the fact I was living in a drafty garage, in the corner of my gf's room, or a couch. I'm also single for the first time in my life! Seriously, I was married right out of high school.
So, it's a new year. A crazy new year with so much potential. I've experienced a lot in life. But, I've never experienced it as a single guy with my own place and a lot of free time. It's uncharted territory, and for once in my life, I really really want nothing to do with dating EVER again. I said that three years ago about marriage, and I still meant it right up until the breakup a couple weeks ago. I mean it's just not worth the pain.
It's been quiet and I've had nothing but time to relax and think about writing or doing projects. I've put together a good group for designing mobile game apps. We have a 2D artist, 3D artist, a musician/folley, and a business manager. I'll be writing, coordinating, and programming. All I need is an animator and preferably another programmer. I've chosen the Godot engine for our projects. All within the past week!
So, yeah... when you aren't worried about relationships and just focus on what makes you happy, life gets pretty good really fast. I've been single for a little under three weeks, and I found a solid place to live, assembled an experienced design team, eaten way healthier than I ever have, lost a little weight, and gotten good restful amounts of sleep. I even had the flu for the past week, and I feel great! Dang, life really isn't that bad is it? If I can accomplish that in three weeks as a single guy, what can I do with a year?
Maybe start writing again?
I'm sorry you had to go through all that
but I'm really glad that things are working out for you now!
And good things often come out of bad, so while it all was pretty terrible from the sounds of it, I'm sure many good things have happened with you as a person, because what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!
4368958 Lol, stronger? I wonder if I rage scream for two hours if my hair will stand up, glow golden yellow, and maybe, just maybe, I'll grow massive muscles and turn into a hot guy! Naaahhh... but I can definitely relate to peoples hardships and I use that empathy like a knife to cut off as much of the depression weighing them down as I can. ;)
...
I'll I can say is that I'm glad things are looking up for you!
Hope things keep on getting better.
4368977
i think you need to do it for either five minutes or twenty hours. that or fuse with someone... but maybe the opposite, like majin buu. dont freak out and turn me into chocolate and eat me forcing me to live life in some kind of crazy trance, powering a super strong evil force of death and destruction.
still, that is crazy... its like all of the fears i have about women, right there. they freak me the fuck out.
KEEP GOING! KEEP WRITING!!!!!
4369001 Thanks, for the first time in forever I can say "I got this!"