Random Ramblings CVII · 5:47am Dec 14th, 2016
IN WHICH I CANNOT CELEBRATE
I'll try to keep this one short (I know, rare for me – EDIT: and I failed). First off I've created the pagespace for Reconciliations, although the story itself is still not ready yet. I got stuck for a few hours on Sunset's conversation with Fluttershy, constantly going back to tweak and retweak the dialogue because it just wasn't working. I finally found a decent way to say what I wanted to, so now I've moved on to a second section of the chapter that I didn't expect to exist.
It's weird. I wrote down a few sentences as guidelines just after I started the chapter, but the actual flow of the conversation went in a completely different direction. 'Shy came out of it looking a lot better than I expected.
Anyway, I guess another reason for my slow work is that I've just been down in the dumps today. My ex(?)'s brother and his girlfriend have gotten engaged. I've known this was coming for awhile, since I tried to help them find a house a few months ago. I want to be happy for them… but I can't. Thinking about their happiness only reminds me of how lonely I've been for the past two months. In addition, last night I read an exposé from the Houston Chronicle about how Texas has been illegally cutting disabled kids from special ed programs to save money. I don't (and won't) live in Texas, but reading the stories of some of these kids gave me flashbacks to periods in my own life where I probably should have gotten help but didn't — in my case it's because I'm old enough to have come of age before people outside the big cities and science labs knew certain types of mental illness were things. But that's as may be.
After I dropped my ex(?) off at work, I took a short walk through the park (cold), then went back home and crawled into bed, which I haven't left since, aside from warming up some soup (and watching anime while eating said soup) and basic human functions. I wanted to finish Fluttershy before midnight (CST) but it's just not going to happen.
Sometimes people reread their older work and are disgusted at how bad it is. While I do feel that way about anything I wrote pre-2008, when I look at my older MLP fics I'm disgusted for the opposite reason – aside from H&L, that shit's good, and I feel like my writing ability is deteriorating.
Anywho, I hope to finish Fluttershy overnight or tomorrow. If I'm lucky, I'll get the epilogue done too. Or not. Bye for now!
