Dec
13th
2016
Feedback · 2:32pm Dec 13th, 2016
Well, I just got feedback that makes my motion forward suddenly feel awkward.
Let me share!
These chapters are right on the tipping point between not enough and too much.
If you're building a stable of pseudo-background victims, this is too much. As in too much of a shell around the information. I would personally recommend putting together all the victims you intend and push them all into one or two chapters.
If these characters are going to be individually important, then there really needs to be more to each one. There's simply not enough story here for me to connect at all with cases 2 and 3.
What do you, other readers, think? Am I doing it wrong? Am I doing it right? Tell me, because I'm officially dazed right now.
Sometimes you just have to ignore the morons and do what you feel is right. A lot of "critics" on this site that spew a lot of views but then don't write themselves.
I somewhat agree with the idea that the unimportant ones that crossover should be all together in a one and done chapter wile those who will be important should get their own chapters. It would help us know who is important and who is filler. However you should do what you want to do as a story teller.
Collab chapters are one shots, and this should be obvious. No one is going to be investigating the local librarians eccentric colt-friend, or question the good fortune of their bereft Lunar neighbors in finally getting that little bundle of joy that they've been wanting for so long. That doesn't make these characters "unimportant" however. These are important steps in Doctor Fetlocks research, and each is oe more yellow brick in her road to damnation. The "important" resurections of course will be the ones who were already characters before Fetlock brought them back. I would imagine that after her mixed results with Big Mac, she's going to want to hone her process before she tries to bring back the dead again. But she almost inevitably will try again.
Nothing says you can't have many individual characters at the start that build into a mountainous pile that you can't create story down the line. Bringing them together and letting you delve more deeply into each individually or as a group that brings depth that might seem lacking early on ect.
I think what Aburi means is:
Your chapters are too meaty for these to all be throwaway events. That if the plot, moving forward, is going to be "Dr. Fetlock creates more brainwashed ponies, then more plot happens" then this is too much to just be a stepping stone. You're spending a lot of time on these short events that don't actually have much relevance to the "overarching" plot.
But your chapters aren't meaty enough for us to really "get to know" and get compelled by each pony if they are each their own story that should be satisfying on their own, like with Big MaChristopher. There wasn't much conflict beyond "they are changed, things are good now."
I... am ambivalent. I agree and disagree.
I think the last two stories were interesting scenarios, but I didn't get drawn into them too much. Lengthening them could make them more interesting, more description of the character pre and post change, more conflict introduced, etc.
But I also know that the format (cowriting with others) could make it harder to build out long multichapter scenarios (especially if, as you've indicated, you want these to be patreon rewards and you might eventually have a queue of people who want your writing attention) and the fact that not every scenario needs to be a big deal and that can add to the overall background of the universe if you ever do decide to have a more story focused part later.
And even then a series of shorts isn't even a bad idea!
I'm willing to trust that you know what you're doing and see where this goes. I haven't been disappointed yet.
If it's any help, currently I'm feeling that something is happening centered around Dr. Fetlock and that morally what she is doing ranges from morally questionable to outright wrong. Her hint of a redeeming feature is that it's been hinted that money is not her only motivation. I want to keep reading and learn more.
It would be nice to learn a little more about the targets of her magic either before or after to get a sense of investment in them, but there are two caveats:
1.) I don't know what your long-term plan, if any, is for them. It could be like the collab chapters in the Silververse where it was just a little fun interaction with some of the readers that were eager to participate, and that spawned some splinter stories that allowed some enrichment of your universe without directly involving your core characters and events.
2.) That would involve a much longer chapter than your current format allows or multiple collab chapters. The risk being that it could slow the pace of the story to a crawl.
You've written in the ballpark of two million words in your time on FIMFiction and have attracted a fair-sized herd of readers. That inspires a good deal of trust that you know how to spin a tale. I'll keep reading until I have a reason not to.
It's still on my RiL so I can't voice an opinion.
4338064 Not knowing of the initial human is a purposeful, and worrying, thing. So far only Christopher has even given a name, or resisted just arriving as the pony that was requested.
4338045
Hmm.. as the moron in question, I would like to inform you that I do write. I also proofread and edit. Feel free to check my user page.
You're not wrong, a lot of people do just as you say. But I suggest taking a look at the person in question before making these comments.
4338063
This is exactly what I was trying to convey.