Satire · 11:57pm Nov 18th, 2016
Dear Library,
I would like to bring to attention a rather precarious problem that has occurred frequently in your library. Specifically the hyenas situated at the front desk, who I'm fairly certain shouldn't be in a school setting. The constant cackling coming from said hyenas have time and time again distracted me from my studies. I'm sure they have been allowed for reasons I can not understand, but I feel that the silence that permeates the library is broken by these animals, therefore impeding my studies and causing bad grades to occur and eventually the stock market to crash.
Personally, it seemed that the sloths, though quite, well, slow, had been optimal in the endeavors of the library. The first time I had checked out a book, it only took six days! Plus, one time, I was even able to finish all my homework before they even got to the book I asked for. Comparing the pros and cons to these hyenas and the previous sloths, it looks like the choice would be obvious as to who should be working at the prestigious position. Though, that's not for me to say, it's the zookeeper’s, obviously. Who, by the way, should definitely keep an eye on the hyenas.
I've been thinking constantly about what the problem could be, about how the hyenas are constantly cackling. After years of meditation I think I've finally found out why, and I have to say that my hypothesis would be they are starving, or at least very hungry. See, my personal experience that would possibly back up this claim was when a hyena stole a pack of gummies from me. I suppose having a scrumptious pack of gummies wouldn't necessarily be that soul crushing, but I digress, they were the best pack I had. If I had to choose between a seven course meal and a pack of gummies imported from Djibouti, I would choose the latter every time and I'm sure that you would understand had you been deprived of the goodness that those gummies provide. Nonetheless I must move on from the gummies that could most likely alleviate the problem of starvation in Africa, no, I must press the imperative problem of how my gummies were practically wrenched from my delicate hands.
I was minding my own business at the line of computers, snacking on my gummies (I was on my second pack as I had given the other one to researchers to cure cancer) and even before I heard the hyena creep up on me, I could smell the rancid breath that seemed especially unbearable at the time, my intuition tells me that it had been from a fresh kill, literally. I'm quite surprised that the general freshmen populace have survived this long, to be honest.
Anyway, this particular hyena took it upon themselves to ask specifically if I was eating, and while I get that it would be a worry that someone is disobeying the rules I feel a few things should be addressed. But I suppose I should explain as to why I was technically disobeying said rules. I was going off the basis that my mother had previously said “gummies aren't food” when I tried having them for dinner, and while I disagree, I think it would be nice to note that the sign says ‘no food in library’ which means I was within the rules.
The more pressing matter would be that the hyena could talk. I'm baffled as to why this hyena is able to talk, along with why no one has done anything about it. I think this is the real matter that should be addressed, as well as their cackling, though it would seem that the problem could be solved by feeding them packages of gummies. Hopefully, my input was considered and I think this is a big step into making world peace.
Sincerely,
Bob "A Student Who is Very Worried About the Hyenas in the Library" Boberson
I take it this is part of a new story that you are currently working on. Although I don't see how the stock market will crash due to hyenas laughing in a library.
4308024
No, actually, it's just a satire I wrote for English.
4308027 Cool. It still would have made for a good letter within a story of some sort not sure what type but I am sure it would have made for a wonderful letter within a story of some sort.
sounds like something vinyl would do.. and say to excuse breaking the rules.
4308783
Don't worry, these ramblings are just a satire for English.