I think I need help...

At least I think so.

My life seems perfect to everyone: I get the top grades, I get along with most people, and I love to laugh.

But it's all a ruse.

I have my vulnerbilities too.

My parents have an awful relationship. They fight, they shout, and they cry. There's no such thing as peaceful in my household. If you can lock yourself in a room without being disturbed for a hour, congratulations, you're lucky. I don't have privacy, and I don't have freedom either. Every little thing in my life is being controlled by my dad, and my mom's powerless.

If you ask me, I'd like to become an animator or artist, as long as I get to draw. A writer might be my second choice, but I do not want to work in law, economics or anything like that. The reason for this is because I'm terribly lazy. But if I like something, I'd get up in the middle of the night and work for an entire 24 hours just to acheive what I want. I don't like law, I don't like dealing with problems, and most certainly, I hate maths. All those numbers make me spin and I have no idea what they are, or what they do. I don't like maths.

And then I still have a sister to deal with. She's annoying, but sweet. She's just a kid, and she deserves much more than what my parents are giving her. I'm only a puppet now, and I feel like there's nothing left for me here.

I'm being perfectly honest here, when I say that I don't want to live anymore sometimes. I've done plenty of crazy things, cutting, jumping out the second story window, and drinking myself 'till I was dead drunk. At least I have a few people who always have my back.

One of those is GallopHorse1001.

She's an amazing artist, and an even more amazing friend. She's the one I always count on when I'm down, depressed, or suicidal. I don't know how to describe how close we were, but as long as we could be together, we would find all sorts of ways to make sure our mothers chatted or did something that got us some time.

The other is my coltfriend. Yes, coltfriend.

I won't reveal his name here, but he has an OC, Blaze, that frequently appears with me.

He's one of the sweetest people I've ever met. He's nice to me, and stands up for his friends when they can't do it themselves. Although he's a nerd, a bookworm or whatever, he always has time for me. Yeah, I know, he can be a bit weird sometimes, but he has such a amazing personality that I had come to view his quirks as complimenting his character. It's strange, how long our relationship had survived, with me going half insane, but if I needed, all I had to do was to dial his number. He lives on the other side of the world, so often this ends up with either of us staying up late, but he always hears me out.

Those two are the reason that I'm here today.

I'm lonely. And I'm scared of betrayal. So I often make a bunch of friends, and if anyone betrays me, I'll never be alone. However, I've come along to never trust anyone with anything, and I'm extremely sensitive. I cry at the slightest provoking, and I get angry or offended easily face to face.

My mom isn't able to do anything, because ever since I was born she had stayed home and quit her job for me. She was an teacher, and she was taking an advance course, but in my favor, she quit and started raising the two of us - me and my sister - instead of taking a job. Financially, unless we get an alimony, we wouldn't be able to live at the standard we live at now. My mom had been unemployed for more than a dozen years, and finding a job now would be difficult. Sometimes I blame myself for my mother unable to financially support herself.

Which is why she has no say in anything. Money means power, and she doesn't have a lot of power. My dad is a control freak.

He always says that he is right, and anything else other than what he says is dead wrong.

He always says that he's thinking the best, but my mental health has been declining ever since he became the sole supporter of the family. He makes me do sports against my will, and frequently tells me I'm an idiot because I challenged what he thought. He is the idiot here. Just because you talk fancy or have a good income does not mean you're a smart person.

I don't like my life. My mother always says that millions would give their lives to be me, and I agree. But when you're used to expressing opinions freely and living the type of life you wanted, suddenly having a control freak will turn it upside down.

What do you guys think?