What I've learned after over a year of job searching... · 4:41pm Aug 30th, 2016
QuickBooks is obviously such a complex and user-unfriendly system that anyone who does not use it regularly has no chance of ever grasping it. The same can be said for any external payroll processing system, the catch-22 being that you must be an expert at using the system before you can learn how to use it, since a company won't hire you if you don't have the experience with their specific system, and you cannot be trained on a system without a corporation backing you.
It's perfectly OK for an interviewer to ask you how much you make. If you follow up by asking how much the interviewer makes, they get insulted and state that it isn't any of your business. They will use your salary as a tool to determine how much to offer you or to pigeonhole you if you make too much. How do I make so much using that other payroll system and general ledger software that no other legitimate company uses anyway? I'm obviously overpaid for being a glorified data entry operator.
The Titles "Billing Coordinator" and "Accounts Payable" in my job history obviously mean that I'm looking for my next job to be in sales or collections for Seattle minimum wage. Heck, just that fact that I'm looking for a change means that I want to be in sales, right? I can earn commissions as large as the fortune that Nairobian prince offered me in exchange for my PIN number...
Abuse of my lucky neon green socks' luckiness results in a penalty of one rejection letter.
Why do I want to leave? Well, hypothetically, if I were to tell you that I wanted to leave because although I've tolerated my incompetent supervisor's behavior for the past six years as she's coasting down the track toward retirement (side note... while three executives recently took a furlough to save the company money during a tight stretch, she used the budget crunch to barter for flex time: a benefit to her that saves the company nothing), I'd be shown the door. Thus instead, all of the best job searching web sites suggest that I creatively lie by omission and blow smoke about how I much I want to be an asset to the new perspective company.
Did I mention that I didn't want to work in sales? So then why the heck am I trying to "sell myself" to every perspective employer? If I wanted to sell things, I'd be a used car salesman... and that's no lie.
I really loathe Thank You notes. If they seem cloying and insincere when I'm writing them (and I'm a terrible writer), how much worse must they be for the interviewer on the other end. Plus the job websites suggest that they be handwritten, and arrive no more than two days after the interview. Because I've gained the ability to control how fast the Post Office will deliver my cloying schlock of a thank you note to someone. Not saying it's impossible, just improbable.
I still believe that ties are the primary cause of male pattern baldness, cutting off the blood supply to my follicles. But punzil504, you have a full head of hair. Give it time...
Another hypothetical... how much respect is it showing if one wears clothing to an interview that one only wears to interviews? I have a suit that I bought for the express purpose of impressing potential new bosses, as well as matching uncomfortable shoes. No one in my family or circle of friends is getting married in the near future, so the only time I wear this monkey suit is when prostrating myself before the Powers That Be.
What is my greatest weakness? Interviews. Oh, I'm not allowed to use that as my answer?
Hi, we're from Happy Fun Ball Staffing Service, and we have the perfect opportunity for you at this place that you've already applied to without our help... If you're a recruiter working for an out of state staffing company who "just happened to come across my resume on Monster," I have a few choice words for you. A lot of them are four letters long and happen to be the same word. You don't know where I live, you don't know how far the commute is from the job you think I'd be just perfect for, and even if I go through the motions with you like I've done countless times for the millions (cue Dwayne Johnson fans: and millions!) of other recruiters who have promised the same thing... I'm likely to never hear from you again, so lately I've just been telling you all that I'm not interested. I have caller ID, so I can see what area code you're calling from. So leave a message, I'll call you... maybe.
Lunch break and rant over... back to work.
