Author's Notes for Lows & Highs · 8:45pm Aug 11th, 2016
Hi there. As always, thank you so much for reading my work and clicking on the redirect to this blogpost. I hope you enjoyed the story. As to this post, I do this because I hate clogging up the afterword box with text. If you'd like, please follow me past the jump for more thoughts, ruminations, and ramblings on this story.
Before I begin, just like with last time, I want to sincerely apologize to anyone who is actually going through the psychological wringer. Please understand I am not trying to make light of anyone's condition or circumstances.
As many who follow me (all two of you) know, this is a story that has been kicking around in my head for several months, but it didn't start to come together until recently, when I decided to pour my own feelings of anxiety and despondence over IRL events into Sunset. However, she is not merely parroting my thoughts – I certainly never tried to ruin anyone's life to give validation to my own, nor do I consider myself a pariah. It's been some 17 months since I wrote Highs & Lows (nine months since publishing it). I'm very sorry for taking so long to write its antecedent.
The primary feeling running through Sunset is guilt. Not only for what she's done as a humanoid, but for her crimes in the Ponyverse as well. It doesn't matter if others forgive her; she won't forgive herself. Since she won't forgive herself, she feels others saying they forgive her is either disingenuous or myopic.
There are two reasons this is only a two-character story. First is that the original was as well. I like my coin-side stories to have parallels like that (see my Sunset and Sonata "Burrito" stories). Second is that AJ, Dashie, and Ponk are very in-your-face characters; they're good people and would obviously care about their friend, but their personalities, IMHO, make them bad choices for talking a depressed friend down. Being proactive is not always the best course of action. Dashie in particular would make the situation worse. AJ might help, but I imagine she'd be a bit too "tough love" for this, which could make Sunset resist. Pinkie would just throw a party, which would fail, and its failure could drive her to despair. Why not Fluttershy? Simple. She would agree with all of Sunset's self-criticisms, then probably apply them to herself as well. Twilight? Please. She's not there. If she were, she'd just lecture with that vague air of superiority she always has. Sunset is one of the only characters smart enough to see through Twi's bullshit. That leaves Rarity, who can do subtlety and tact.
Sometimes a story will go in a direction you don't expect. When I started writing this, I wanted Sunset to be dead inside for no discernible reason – she's blah just because – just like there was no reason for her to be on a high. However, as she and Rarity talked and Sunset (reluctantly) opened up, it kept going back to regret and guilt, feelings of worthlessness and thoughts of suicide. So, I just ran with it. On the plus side, that allowed me to put more focus on Sunset and give Rarity more of an incentive to want to help.
One of the reasons this story took so long to write is because there were several points where I agonized over specific wording. Even after finishing this a week ago, I still went back and altered passages to flow better and be less repetitive. I also had to constantly check myself to avoid either character talking too much. No one who is suicidally depressed wants a lecture, and they've probably heard all of the standard phrases before. Basically, I tried to be as effective as I could with as few words as I reasonably could. I probably failed.
Were Rarity's words too corny? Maybe. Still, I tried over a dozen different lines before settling on that one. I wondered what I would want to hear – the answer was, "I care." But, since Sunset is having trust issues in this story, that won't work, so I had to tweak it.
Highs & Lows was criticized by writers far better than me for Sunset being "out-of-character". Leaving aside the fact that that was the POINT of the story (and this one), I couldn't disagree with the rest of the critique. I slapped that "AU" tag on just to be safe. More critically, I've tried since then to do a better job of finding a character's voice. I don't know if I succeeded with Sunset or Rarity here, but I did my best.
Perhaps the ending came too quickly. I can't disagree with that sentiment. However, I would rather things actually move forward in the story as opposed to bringing the narrative to a halt with half an hour of Sunset laying there in silence or Rarity hugging Sunset. I needed to sacrifice those moments on the altar of flow.
WOW, that was quite a rant. I'm sorry. Still, thanks for reading to the end.
sir you succeeded and now have my attention
4430297 - Well, I'm happy to have your attention. I hope you enjoy my other works, past and future.
4430379 you are currently binge read 129, if the excel spread sheet is accurate
you are some where in the 1000 or more stories I've read
lost count a long time ago
but back to reading
You have created a good work of art and your taking your time not only to try and apply real world logic and help here but also creating character growth which is really not seen outside of people creating there own characters