MommAdagio - Mid-Story Analysis · 1:31am Jul 11th, 2016
Hello everyone! While I was writing the other day, I curiously thought of the fair share of the story's likes and dislikes, and I think the best way to approach this is to personally ask a detailed criticism from each of my readers. If I could take a little bit of everyone's time to provide their own detailed criticism, that'd be be much appreciated.
I know some don't like to see or hear any criticism about their work, but I'm one of those who don't mind at all. I see it as a way to help us improve our writing experience and enhance the entertainment of our readers. This should help give me a better insight to everyone's opinions.
Please provide your detailed opinions using the following:
1. Have you and do you like/dislike the story? Why?
2. What do think are the strengths of the story?
3. What do you think are the weaknesses of the story?
4. What do you think could be done to improve it?
5. How would you rate it so far?
6. Would your current views and opinion of the story change positively/negatively with or without improvements to the story? Why?
7. Would you recommend and share the story to others?
8. What is your favorite chapter by far? Why?
9. Least favorite chapter by far? Why?
I'll look forward to it and get back to you all. Thank you everyone and hope you've enjoyed it as far as I have. 
I'll help you out my friend...
- Do you like/dislike the story? Why? - I love your story! I especially like how you detailed the romance into a growing up into parents story. I also like that you write a good Flash Sentry where he isn't a punching bag or evil jerk.
- What do think are the strengths of the story? - Definitely Clavier's perspective and how he interacts with the other characters. Adagio is great too.
- What do you think are the weaknesses of the story? - Well...I hate to say but your biggest strength is also your greatest weakness. Clavier really isn't flawed and you don't give any flaws to Adagio. Also, every chapter has the Human 7 constantly interacting with them. They're always there. The main duo of this story are always in a good situation and everything goes right for them. I'm not saying there should be some tragedy that happens but...life should still happen. The little things that go wrong that is.
- What do you think could be done to improve it? - Mainly...see my previous entry over weaknesses. Clavier should definitely have some problems even if you don't write Adagio with any. (You have written her with hesitation/paranoia problems when she found out she was pregnant which was great.)
- How would you rate it so far? - 5 out of 5. I love how you make the story so seamless with the interactions with Clavier and Adagio.
- Would your views and opinion of the story change? How so? - Depends on what you do. Especially when the daughters come into the picture. (I'm not sure if this questions applies to earlier questions or not)
Also, you called this post 'Mid-Story'...does that mean the story is half over?!
I hope not...
I'll come back to this tomorrow, when I am not half asleep.
4083129 Thank you for your analysis. It's quite detailed and gives me a better insight to my reader's opinions.
I can see what you mean with Clavier being flawless, but he isn't. I just planned him to do the best he can with as little flaws as possible. For example, he's already been scolded by his and Adagio's parents after they admitted to them that Adagio was pregnant.. Some parents frown upon sex before marriage. Would that not count as a flaw for the two? However,, most of his flaws are going to be at the start of parenthood which is close.
I'll try to portray some of their flaws, e.g. Adagio's uncontrollable hormones, etc. but as of the moment, most of the flaws for the two will be during the first day they officially become parents. Maybe a little earlier soon but I'll save that for the future chapters.
I'll try writing to portray their interaction with other characters such as Adagio's or Clavier's other relatives and parents. Currently, the Main 7 are the main interactions since they're the closest friends to the two but do expect to so more in the near future.
I'll try to change the perspective as best as I can in the near future.
P.S. The story is very far from over. By the title, a mid-story analysis is a request by the writer for their reader's opinions when the story's not finished. It doesn't specifically mean it's halfway through, just in the middle/in progress.
4083339 Why is this all in spoilers? Hmm...also, will you ever stop having Flash just keep being a troll over Twilight?
Overall, Your story is awesome! I love this story so much!!!!!
4083378 Well, thank you and I highly appreciate that. I'd like to be cautious with what I type sometimes since some of the material information in my reply relate to a few chapters.
Hmm, not sure what you meant by stopping Flash keep being a troll over Twilight? Is it a bad thing? You'll have to elaborate a little. Sorry.
4083391 You know...the whole him denying that he doesn't like Twilight even though we all know he does and she likes him back...which she's a troll too...Sorry. It just happens a bunch, I would like to see different interactions with Flash. (Sorry, you don't have to if you don't want to.)
4083404 Probably sometime. I have it all planned out for the right time.
4083453 Cool. Love your story and can't wait for more!!!
4083339 Also, when you mean the flaws when the daughter comes...is it because you're gonna have Aria have her usual 'mean girl' attitude that all dads hate? I hope it is!
4083515 Maybe. Most of the flaws will be their first experiences and progress as parents. Caring for a pregnant woman is easier than caring for your children who're born into the world. It's more of a challenge where parents are prone to flaws that are more common than pregnancy is.
4083520 True...hmmm...I can't wait!!!
1. I like the story because it is sweet and charming.
2. The love and support and development of going through pregnancy.
3. Little bits of info on their slice of life, like shopping, though that's just me.
4. I don't know. Again, not too weak or anything new, I just ignore those little bits, or simply skim.
5. 8/10. But I'm sure it'll be 9 soon.
6. I'll find it good anyway. Whatever you need to improve, I'm down with that.
7. If someone is to beg for Adagio, yeah!
8. Honestly, too many, but the one where he plays for Adagio, first one, I love. I just found it charming and nice.
9. The crib one. It was shopping-ish. Again, just me, it was still fine.
4084240 Thank you for your review. I'll take it into account.
Do I like the story? Yes, very much so.
Story strengths? Characters are written consistently in-character, even allowing for changes in the setting (no magic and such), and it feels like it's going at a good pace.
Weaknesses? None really spring to mind.
No comments upon improving it, as I think it's fine as-is. I'll refrain from final judgment until it's done, however, but I'd happily recommend it to others.
1-Liked so much!
2-Strengths:Pretty much everything.Especially the cute interaction between Adagio and Clavier.
3-Weaknesses:None I can think of
5-I would rate 5 of 5.
6-I don't know,it really depends on the mood I am.
7-Of course,It's a amazing story!
8-Chapter 20,it's cool to see the interaction between Adagio and the Girls.
9-None,I really loved all the chapters.
1.love the story i have nothing i dislike about it...
2.The cast of characters and how they carry the story perfectly without messing.
3.Not enough Slice-Of-Life... and not knowing who Sunset and the Girls are getting and not knowing more about the lives they are living.
4Have 1-2 Slice-Of-Life chapters in-Between Major chapters... During said Slice of life chapters show us or tell what the Girls are thinking like example like what are Sunset's thoughts reguarding the child and does this want her to find a woman for herself or does she have a special girl in mind.. (sorry i kinda think the genric male X female couple is old and done to death..)
5. 9.5/10... i would give you a 10 but that means there's no room for improvement and there's always room for improvement...
6.im gonna go Applejack honset here.... My views would indeed change but depending on how i see said Improvement... example of this is seeing another genric male X female couple, to me this is a negative improvement.. but exceptions to this is the Sci-Twi X Flash (not sure if it's Sci-Twi or not or if she even wants him) i can see her going either way and im fine with this... a every other improvement is a positive one for me.. because the thing i just talked about is the only thing i think of as Negative...
7.Would reccomend this to any one despite my nit-picky negative...
8.The one where we learn the baby's gender.... i loved this chaper... and yes im quite the weird girl..
9.There is no bad chapter...
i loved it and im still enjoying it!... also the reason why i said what i said at Number 4 is because Im sick of people randomly pairing Sunset with some random guy/OC... im very sorry i've seen it sooo much it's kinda started to make me Angry like how Dagi was in the newest chapter due to Trixie...
Anyways can't too see what you do with the story as long as there is no Non-sense im happy..
4085116 Thank you for your feedback. I'll be sure to take it into account if I can.
Kamusta!
1. I like the story because I very rarely encounter slice of life stories that are focused around the journey of pregnancy quite like this. It's a breath of fresh air.
2. Some strengths of the story include the consistency of the characters and their interactions in the world. The transitions are smooth too.
3. Unfortunately, the strengths are also the weaknesses. The story isn't that dynamic, as in it really does almost solely focus on the characters. While this is good and many authors sorely lack the attention needed to be given to characters, there's really not much else going on in the story. Granted, there are a few things like the shopping and the concert, but we're almost always at their house. There's no action elswhere. I think you need more tension and conflict to help keep things intetesting. Also, while the transitions are good, they are again, too common in how they are. They're similar to each other. Just work a bit in these areas and you're golden boi!
4. Try some short writing excercises target towards the areas I described above. 10k words or shorter. One shots might help you and you can publish them lol.
5. On a scale of 1 to Spaghetti, I'd rate it a solid and hardy Mac n cheese.
6. Trick question is tricky. My opinion doesn't matter m101. It only matters if you choose it to be. This is your creation.
Of course my opinion of it would be affected positivity if it was improved :P
7. Yes, I would recommend that this become the guide every hormonal teenager should take :P Maybe learn some things.
8. My favorite chapter is the one I don't have to edit and instead play moar video games and write about my over powered Spartan.
9. My least favorite chapter is the one that isn't published because I want to see what happens next and it probably means it's waiting on me to be edited 0_0
So, how'd I do teach? Passing marks?
4086214 Lol. Thanks for the constructive criticism bro. I'll keep that in mind and try to implement it. You and me keep getting stuck on Steam playing games when we should both be writing sometimes. I'm solely stuck playing Wargame: Red Dragon whilst you're addicted to Stellaris. [Games = digital drugs]
4086241 Must. Take. Over. GALAXY!!!
4086248 I know you're on a galactic conquest to find your fetish. Space A------!
4086255 Space Anchors? Oh right, you're right, I remember! I love space anchors! They are incredibly important when traveling through the time fluxes.
4086262 Lol. Trying to avoid your hidden secret I see. You sir are an absolute troll haha!
I've enjoyed the first half and some of the later quarter. Still need to read the latest two chapters though. Felt the story was far too placid for something realistically speaking towards the pregnancy part and onward, too heavenly feel between two people who are about to become parents. Not to say it doesn't occur, in the sense of I'd have expected more of a roller coaster ride for the two especially with their parents. I will give pluses for the detail and environments you paint for readers. Good touch.
I can't say anything on strengths since this is a different take on the Dazzlings, Adagio specifically for now. What led up to the pregnancy and when the father learns he's a parent has been a strength for the story. Good core foundation to support continuation and keeping the reading enraptured.
Weakness, again young parents will vary in their reactions and handling of such a drastic change. But typically there are a lot of adjustments I would have figured they'd of dealt with, misunderstandings, bullheadedness and the likes. Differing visions of the future for the new family and create conflict.
Improve, not to say it needs drama, but tension would be good. Not to say go watch some teen pregnancy tv slag and use that as reference, but a little more natural human tendencies would help. A good relationship is one that often fights and doesn't see eye to eye but both desire to make things work and help the other out of love and respect.
Rate 4/5 stars
I believe this question is something the writer needs to answer, there are far too many variables for change. Whatever the writer intended, so long as it captures the viewers in the get go I feel our alternative options only make us read more to see how we wanted it to pan out.
Submit to groups for the Dazzlings so its shared even further.
Favorite chapter, when the girls stumble upon the residue of their copulation and trying to hid from him from peeping eyes. Tense, had me on edge and found it funny at the nosiness of her friends.
When he had that dream fearing if the child would love him or not or was it the other way around? I feel it was a little too toned down, character and the interaction between the two during Adagio's cravings were too straight and not well rounded in what could have occurred.
4092614 Thank you for your detailed review. I'll take it into account and I'll try my best to improve along the way.
Only thing I have to say is that this story is great! I would rate it 5/5. Keep it up!