I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown or something · 3:19am Jul 10th, 2016

So I've gone all week on a backpacking trip. That is way out of my comfort zone for me, and when I came home today, all I wanted to do was just kick back and unwind after a week of being uncomfortable. But I come home and my mom is crying, my dad is trying to comfort her, my baby sister is screaming her head off and my three brothers have barricaded themselves in their rooms. I have no clue what I missed, but it must've been pretty big, because my family can usually just suck up their problems and keep it together. My dad begins to hand out jobs, but I make the mistake of mouthing off.

So after being yelled at for a good ten minutes, I'm a bit shaken. Don't get me wrong, I can take getting yelled at unless what the yeller is saying is untrue, then I start yelling back. I go up to my room and find out that my mom had decided to redecorate her bedroom (AGAIN), and is storing her junk in my room. It's everywhere, and adding to my own mess, my room is a complete wreck.

The thing is, I need a clean space to live. When there's a bunch of crap piled around, I can't think straight and I get stressed out. Adding that onto getting kicked out of my comfort zone for a week, which was emotionally exhausting, and my family going crazy, I felt like punching something and screaming, but at the same time I just wanted to cry.

I never cry. Ever.

I felt like all my emotions were swirling around inside me and I'm about to explode, but at the same time I feel like shriveling up in a little ball and disappearing. I don't want to feel like this.

I need order. I need cleanliness. I need space. I need to think. I need to draw. I need to write. I need to do something with my hands. I need to calm down. I need some time alone. I need to talk to someone I love. I need them to tell me to suck it up, buttercup, because crying never helped anyone.