MLP Episode Reviews: Just for Sidekicks and Games Ponies Play · 9:16pm Apr 27th, 2016
Okay, two linked episodes that... basically exist to screw Spike over. First off...
Just for Sidekicks
We start with... a pan over some pics of Spike and Peewee. And we learn what happened to the little phoenix. He gets give back to his parents. I... kinda like it, but don't. If they had no intention of having Peewee around, why have that big scene with him at the end of Dragon Quest? This just feels mean to Spike. Anyway, he's making a jewel cake. However, as he makes it, he begins eating the jewels, showing none of the self-control we've seen him have. You have got to be kidding me. Owly flies over with a spoon, shows Spike his reflection and he realizes he did it. Good fucking lord...
After the credits, Spike is serenading himself his sorrow at his OOC scene before. Fluttershy comes in with Angel, and we learn that she's going to the Crystal Empire to help welcome the head of the Equestria games... and Spike wasn't invited along. He's upset about it, and I am right there with him. It's rote bullshit he wasn't going along. There's no real excuse other than, "Dump on Spike and make him the butt monkey." Oh, and Fluttershy rubs salt in the wound as she's about to ask him to pet-sit Angel. In exchange for a large jewel. She guilt-trips him, and I'm seeing red. Fluttershy, you asshole! Why not invite him to the Crystal Empire with you?!
Spike gets an idea to pet-sit for everyone else. Dash says Tank can take care of himself... as he knocks into an awning and into a wall. Tank, like owner, like pet. Rarity has a long list of comical specializations for Opal. Opel nuzzles Tank, showing she's a jerk with heart of gold. Rarity gives him a tiny jewel that's probably worth half of Canterlot. That night, he gets Pinkie in on it. Well, after some 'comical' misunderstandings. "Spike time is the best!" Then take him with you.
The next morning, all the pets are brought in. Spike is... not taking this as seriously as he should. We get some good goodbyes, including memetic Dash/Tank nuzzling. Angels's being a little asshole, and Spike manages to get Twilight to have him watch Owly. she's doubtful about this, natch. Spike turns... and chaos erupts.
After commercials, he's down for the count, but wakes up. The pets have gone nuts. Spike calls them front-and-center, but Angel runs off. We cut to him with all the pets on a search for Angel. Winona tracks him to the clubhouse, where he's got the Crusaders under his paw. Spike tries to pawn him off the Crusaders, but they're getting their 'skydiving' cutie marks... and suddenly they've got parachutes and goggles on. Okay.
Spike smooth-talks them into it using their cutie marks weakness. Spike then pawns off all the pets onto them. Okay, Spike, not cool. The Crusaders realize they'll need toys and treats for the pets, and they take a jewel from Spike. The smallest one, which is probably the most valuable.
We fade to Spike with supplies for his new jewel cake. But as he walks by the clubhouse, "Has anyone seen Tank's head? Where's his head?" Oh, shit! He races off, but Scootaloo forgot he could pull it in. The clubhouse is a disaster area, so Spike takes them back. He asks for the jewel back, but nope. They used it to buy an industrial-sized hair-drier. We see outside and Winona as a doggy pancake under the damned thing. We fade to Spike bringing them through town again, but he gets wrapped around a tree by their leashes. Zecora shows up and says she can help him out, but she'll need some of his booty.
...
There's that, "Start of a smutfic" setup again. Anyway, she takes a jewel... and takes it to a Filly Scout, because of his 'dragon greed'. Zecora, it's not greedy to expect to get PAID FOR SERVICES RENDERED! Okay, he wasn't doing his best, but come on! This is just cruel bullshit. The pets get into a ball of crazy, and Spike pushes them along... right by Granny Smith, who has to be bribed to not say anything. Owly turns Spike's head around... and he sees Angel on the Friendship Express. He needs chaperones to get onto the train. Spike hears laughter, and we see the Crusaders about to skydive off a bridge that I could touch by standing in the water! They and another jewel get him on.
Spike grabs Angel, but it's too late. They're off to the Crystal Empire. We cut to them in the Arctic. Suddenly the pets get loose... and Spike's gotta bribe another pony as they make a mess. The Crusaders wanna sight-see, and use tickle-torture to get past Spike. Angel also skedaddles. Outside, the Mane Six are spotted. Angel makes a beeline for Fluttershy, and Spike gives chase. He tosses his last jewel at a buckle holding baggage together on a cart, and it forms a barrier for the bunny. They get onto the train, but the Mane Six head right for their car, of course. Applejack comments her dogs are baking... just as Winona yelps. Okay, clever. Angel is about to kick the bottom of a seat... and Spike apologizes for his own behavior. Angel decides to give him some pity, and even retrieves Spike's green jewel so his rumbly tummy doesn't give them away. Okay, that was good on both parts.
Back at Ponyville, Spike and the others manage to get out before the Mane Six do and Spike BSes they were gonna meet them at the train station. Sweetie Belle asks about the snow globes at the train station... oi. All the pets reunite with their owners. We go back to Golden Oaks, where Spike... eats the last fucking jewel.
Thoughts
This was mean. No two ways about it. Spike got screwed here.
1. Spike is suddenly unable to control his appetite for jewels... despite multiple episodes showing him that he could. This is out-of-character for the sake of he plot, no two ways about it.
2. He's not invited to the Crystal Empire, despite being the one who saved it. Again, no good reason. He's a kid? So, what? He can't control himself around jewels and crystals? Aside from this episode, he can! Hell, he showed more self-control than Rarity while there. She was about to start dry-humping the architecture!
Yeah, he didn't take the pet-sitting seriously... a job he shouldn't have had to take, because he's shown the self-control denied him here, and he should've been on the train to the Crystal Empire. This one overall just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Okay, that's one side. Here's the other, as we get out the bats and balls to prepare for...
Games Ponies Play
We start with the scene of the Mane Six leaving their pets in Spike's care. Okay, clever. The library starts shaking, but Twilight's pulled away. At the station, Dash infodumps the Crystal Empire's up for the Equestria Games, which seem to be their equivalent of the Olympics. Rarity asks if Cloudsdale hosted the games one year, but nope. How they'd manage that I have no idea. Mass casting of the cloud-walking spell, maybe. we get a flashback to filly-Dash on some stallions' head and that is her father and no one can tell me otherwise. :D Some official announces that year they go to Fillydelphia. Have we seen Fillydelphia at all? I'd love to go there. In the present, Dash vows the crystal ponies have had enough rotten things happen to them, and won't let them miss out on the Equestria Games. Okay, Dash? That is legit awesome of you.
Twilight says they're going there to onvince the inspector to choose the Crystal Empire... a job that would be more suited for the citizens themselves, methinks. But eh, minor thing overall. Pinkie drops to her knees and gives out a big, "NO!" "What? I was just answering Twilight's question." Okay, nice.
After the commercials, they're practicing a chant. Twilight wants it to be perfect, so they're gonna practice it and 'the steps'... on a moving train car. Brilliant. They form a pyramid, but just then the brakes kick in and they go tumbling and Twilight that was really stupid of you.
Twenty
At the Empire, they're cleaning it up. Twilight speculates that's why they're there to handle the welcoming committee. Okay, clever. A couple of foals run by and Dash... freaks one of them out by recounting her disappointment at not being selected that one year. Twilight TKs her away and gives the foal her flag back while I smack Dash upside the head with a train engine.
At a hair salon, they meet Cadance. And she and Twilight do the Unicorn Shake. This time, no world-ending threats. Rarity is... Rarity again. Good lord, calm yourself! Cadance shows them a mud bath, and Pinkie does a Tarzan into the muck. It's like jello... Cadance shows Twilight some breathing technique... which would be step one of the help Twilight ultimately needs. We get some infodumping/foreshadowing concerning the ceremonial headdress.
An aide rushes in and has two pieces of news. Her stylist has the flu and can't come. Cadance is concerned about her, and none of the others know how to do it. And I laughed at Twilight mimicking Cadance, there. :D Dash overreacts, natch. Come here, Dash. I got a nice padded room for you... Rarity volunteers to try. And she's given a long and large set of instructions. Fortunately, the inspector won't be there for several hours.
And on cue, the next bit of news? The inspector, Miss Harshwhinny, will be arriving... on the next train. Cue mass panic.
Twilight asks Rarity how long this is gonna take, and Rarity says she can find some shortcuts. Ah, no. Bad idea, Rarity. Measure twice, cut once. Twilight and the others to go and look for... the pony with the flower-print luggage.
Wait, what? That's it? You need more than that! Name? ID? Cutie mark?! My mother has flower-print luggage! Twilight says they'll bring the games inspector back to the castle, put on a show... and pinkie goes on a tangent about pudding. "I'll just ignore that." Dash, right there with you. Dash goes into conspiracy theory mode about the inspector arriving early, and psyches the others up.
At the station, they spot... I'll call her Chicky, based on her cutie mark. And spoilers, it's not Harshwhinny. There's a bit of faux-tension as the Mane Five introduce themselves... but Chicky's enthused, and channeling Foghorn Leghorn. And holy cow, my auto-correct doesn't see those as wrong. They walk to the castle... and back at the train station, the real Harshwhinny gets off.
At the salon, Rarity is realizing cutting out some steps was kinda dumb. Cadance looks like a punk rocker straight outta the 80's! Dash is still on high-alert, though. Chicky is showing signs of claustrophobia, though. Dash thinks she was testing them to see if they'd remain in control of a complex situation. They do the pyramid and chant thingie. Nice choreography, but Pinkie's party cannon nearly kills them. Chicky loves it, but runs outside to a balcony. Dash misinterprets and offers a tour of the castle. Twilight points out they barely know their way around.
Twilight goes to see Cadance, and passes Harshwhinny, who is not happy. She also gets drenched by a convenient puddle and cart-puller who can't be bothered to steer two feet to his right. At the salon, Rarity has gone into full-on panic/diva/oh my god I have no idea mode, and needs time!
Back at the palace, Pinkie is BSing her way through the tour. Chicky knows what it is... and is nervous as all hell. She also shows aptitude for architecture. Pinkie then makes some stupid faces. Chicky needs to get out of there, too. Good lord, pick up on some things! Dash leads her to the gym. Well, she tries. Outside at a stadium, Twilight goes to see Shining Armor. He offers to help while barking instructions. And for once, Twilight appears to be calm. A shame he couldn't be that good with the Royal Guard. :p The doors open and Chicky gallops in. She barrels around the track, and Dash says to let her be. Shining Armor, being the voice of reason, asks why she'd do that.
"I have no idea, but that's why she's in charge of choosing who gets the games and we're not." And this is why I laugh you off, Dashie. Chicky knocks over a pot, which naturally lands on her head, and she blows through a door. Now even Dash sees she's gotta be stopped before she pulls a Sombra 2.0.
Chicky gallops past Harshwhinny, who gets splashed again. Dash manages to yank the pot off Chicky's head... but goes flying and smacks into the transparent ceiling of the salon. Chicky is enthusiastic... and we get confirmation Shining Armor is a prince. She's never met a prince before, which surprises Shining Armor. "Just an ordinary mustang from Mustangia here to enjoy a little vay cay." And we see the others begin to suspect something. She even flirts with Shining Armor, who is... less than enthused, judging by her facial expression. :D
Twilight asks is she is, indeed, Miss Harshwhinny. "Inspector what now?" And cue mass "Oh, CRAP!" And the technique... begins to fail. Back at the train station, they barrel inside and begin searching. Dash and Fluttershy suggest they split the Empire into five sectors and each one chooses a sector. Okay, smart and logical. Pinkie pipes up that they should skip the spa. Since Cadance is there, and if Harshwhinny is there, then game over, man. Game over! And they all realize due to narrative contrivance, that's where Harshwhinny is.
Sure enough... she's thee with Chicky. Harshwhinny is complaining about all the phony crap she's gotta put up with on her inspection tours. Chicky says she's been having a swell time and is thinking of staying longer. A shame her reception wasn't meant for her, though. She gushes to Harshwhinny about her stay. Just then, the Mane Five arrive. The good news is, Rarity is finally done. And to her credit, Cadance looks divine.
Harshwhinny sits up as she realizes Cadance is there. She says this was the worst welcome she's had, and Cadance is kinda pissed. Dash, to her credit, steps forward and give out a full explanation. Dash then further says she did this so the Crystal Empire wouldn't feel the disappointment she felt as a filly. Dash is about to throw in the towel... but Harshwhinny says she's spent some time listening to Chicky exude about her welcome.
It's the first unvarnished appraisal of a potential host she's ever had.
Wait.. oh, for the love of mike. We cut to Cadance announcing the Crystal Empire gets to host the Equestria Games. We cut to the train station and them going home, and the jewel sails forth and they get to the train car. We see Spike and the others hiding beneath them, and end episode.
Thoughts
This one... eh. It's an idiot plot, basically. They picked the inspector based on her luggage. No asking name, no confirmation, no nothing. As I've said before, the excuse, "It's for kids!" does not apply here. This is something kids should know. It's just galling to me that it happened to begin with.
And how they got the games... I think I'll let the recap page from TV Tropes sum this up for me...
Broken Aesop: Ms. Harshwhinny eventually decides to host the games in the Crystal Empire, saying that every other place she visited tried to put on airs, while she got the story of how great the empire was from a normal pony. The problem is the only reason the tourist has such a glowing opinion of the empire is because she experienced all of the things that they were doing to specifically impress Ms. Harshwhinny, while Harshwhinny herself only got grief and frustration from the Crystal Empire citizens. So if the moral was meant to be "People will be more impressed by sincerity than by fake attempts to seem great", or "Sometimes it takes an honest opinion from a fellow tourist to make up for what you've missed, whether or not you'd want to see it for yourself", then it undermined its own message.
Based on what happened, the Crystal Empire should not have gotten the Equestria Games.
Oh, and now that I think about it? Rarity cutting corners? Out-of-character for her. From everything we've seen of her, she wouldn't do that.
Are there some good things, here? Dash stepped up. She went a bit overboard, but good intentions. And her taking the blame at the end was good, too. Some good moments, but overall, this episode doesn't do anything for me.
Overall thoughts
Both these episodes are less than the sum of their parts. The first one is a huge insult and dump on Spike. The second one is predicated on the Mane Six not thinking things through, or even really thinking.
Okay, supper, then Spike at Your Service!
...
Poor, poor Spike. :(
An odd occurrence that this show has a bad habit of is introducing characters... and then never giving us a name. Peachbottom, Garble, Flur De Lis just to name a few that pop up, are sometimes important to the plot, and then they disappear. And then if the character reappears, such as Garble, the show goes out of its way to fill in the character's name. Eh, I think the writers could have worked in a line somewhere to name drop. A minor nitpick, but one that starts to become a bigger pick once you start noticing it.
Also, who would of thought that this set of episodes would be the last ones before Twilight's big promotion?
I headcanon that Miss Harshwhinny was ordered/bribed to accept the Crystal Empire as the host of the Equestria Games.
Ah, the old bunny barrier baggage buckle trick. That's a good one.
Did someone order one logistical nightmare?
If the Games are supposed to be the Olympics, as is pretty well implied, then it's a multi-day event; even if it's jus' supposed ta be the Superbowl, major athletic events will bring in several days' worth of tourism, as some people will hafta arrive early, some will stay around for different reasons. We don't know the duration of the cloudwalking spell, but ah think it's safe ta say it wears off. As such, you'd need a buncha unicorns available ta constantly cast cloudwalking spells on anyone who needed it, both spectator an' competitor. You would, in turn, need somewhere ta put these unicorns for the duration they're needed, which means fewer places for the spectators ta stay, which means the Games can't sell as many tickets.
In other worse, the Games will never be in Cloudsdale. Dash is just a racist.
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I get the idea that the Equestria Games is a national event, not an international one. Up here in Canada, we have this thing called the Canada Games.