CCC: cleverpun's Critique Corner #25 — Dash Academy (Webcomic) · 5:20am Apr 24th, 2016
At the time of this review, the story is on the final chapter, but not complete.
Title: Dash Academy (also hosted on the user’s deviantart page)
Author: SorcerusHorserus
Found via: I follow SorcerusHorserus on derpibooru. One day I decided to look at their artist listing for some porn and got sidetracked by the comic.
Short summary: Rainbow Dash deals with high school flight school. Relationship drama and “underdog sports team” plots ensue.
The Title/Description: The title is very utilitarian. It describes the story, but is also very bland.
Currently the story doesn’t have any sort of description/about page to critique.
Genre(s): Melodrama, High School, Underdog Sports Team, Slice of Life
What does this story do well?: The story has a nice art style. It does shift several times over the course of the story. It goes from a looser/scribbly initial style, to a decent approximation of the show, to an emulation of the MLP comic style, and finally settles on a decent blend of the previous two. The improvement and refinement is noticeable, but none of the art styles are aesthetically unpleasant (with the possible exception of the first one).
The story also hits story beats well. The story moves smoothly, and it balances highs and lows, comedy and drama well. I never felt like the story was moving too fast or too slow. Part of this is the medium, certainly. Comics are much less dense than prose by their very nature. Pressing an advantage of your medium is a sign of good storytelling, though.
Finally, the characters work well. The side characters are simple, but archetypal. As I often say, archetypes are useful for broadcasting characters to the audience quickly and efficiently. The side characters in this story all fit that idea well; you have the shy/erudite guy, the Jerk Jocks, the overly-supportive coach, the secretly-a-jerk, and so on. The main characters fit into molds, but receive a little more characterization, which fits with the amount of screentime they get. Rainbow in particular is written well, and Fluttershy and Gilda are as well.
Where could this story improve?: Surprise is an awkward character. I understand why authors often include Surprise in the story: it allows them to include an OC who is also a main character (Pinkie Pie). She also technically is a Wonderbolt in the show. Let’s be real though; she has no lines in the show and is only named in merchandise. Her similarity to Pinkie Pie makes her easier to write, and can make the story more interesting, but it also raises a lot of questions that stories like this should avoid.
Following on this, the story doesn’t always mesh well with canon. Some of Rainbow Dash’s character development feels awkward because of things that happen later in the show. There are a few nods and hints and foreshadowing that feel at odds with the show’s version of the universe. There’s nothing too severe, but this story should be taken as an Alternate Universe/headcanon situation for best results.
The story is predictable and unsubtle. Like the characters, the plot is very archetypal. It leans on a lot of standard-issue cliches and genre topics (sexuality, questionable consent, shoplifting, and so on and on). For someone who has seen these topics covered in other stories many times, they were easy to see coming and hard to take seriously.
Some of the dramatic moments actually made me laugh; not necessarily because they were delivered badly, but because they were exactly like a hundred other repetitions of the same situation. This story is packed with corn and melodrama (especially when it comes to topics like relationships, sex, and orientation).
Finally, as an extension of the above, the story doesn’t handle the topic of sexual orientation well. It takes place in that weird pseudo-realistic realm where same-sex relationships are socially acceptable and semi-common, but still a target of mockery. This might be intentional; the story makes a minor point of mentioning how teenagers attack others for being different (regardless of specifics). Given the awkward subplot about Rainbow Dash questioning her sexuality, however, I don’t think that’s enough to justify it. This is a very culturally dependent topic, and for many reasons it doesn’t translate to Equestria well. This is another story that makes that common fumble.
In a single sentence: Competently written and capably drawn, but quite cliché.
Verdict: Upvote. The story is told capably, the characters are archetypal and efficient. This is a story you've seen before, though. It is by-the-numbers. The tropes and cliches fueling this story are so common that even readers who are relatively inexperienced with fiction likely have seen them before.
This is one of those stories that I feel very conflicted about rating. As long as the reader sets their expectations appropriately, this is a competent piece of light entertainment. I passed an afternoon reading it, in a mostly enjoyable manner. If the reader expects anything besides a standard-issue high school dramedy, however, they will be disappointed. This is as light as entertainment gets, and one needs to be very aware of that before reading it.
