A thing happened. · 7:49pm Apr 11th, 2016
I had a new experience today. I'm not sure if its good or bad, but I want to write it down, so here I am.
It was a weird thing. I felt angry at someone before I heard them say anything. No, more than that. I felt angry at someone who was trying to be nice. Angry is not usually a thing that I feel; especially under those circumstances. I need to explain two things before I can explain what made me angry and why.
1st, as a student of philosophy, I think about things in a weird way. I try to analyse everything. Like Everything. I have been told that I'm no fun at movies. One of the ways I analyse things is by defining them, and seeing if the definition holds in most cases. If a new definition holds in more cases, I will switch my thinking to the new definition.
I define Humanity as "the desire to improve the existence of those one cares about". This represents what I mean by humanity about as well as I think possible. I think, by this definition, everyone on earth has humanity, but not trivially, as part of the definition.
2nd, I went to church last Sunday. Someone convinced me that I couldn't really say that I've 'searched for God' if I've never been, and I figured that my atheistic beliefs might be part of some positive bias if I didn't go. So I went to church. They sang some songs about how Jesus was great, about how he is perfect and how they gave him their whole selves. Then everyone sat down and the paster started his sermon. He talked about how doing good things was a trap of the devil, because one can only be saved through Jesus. He talked about how terrible and flawed humans are without the guiding light of God. He talked about how they were the sons of Abraham, numerous as the stars in the sky. He talked about how if we gave ourselves to Jesus, he would fix all our problems. The whole time, I was thinking, 'this is fu
ing Bull Sh'.
Before I went to church, I intellectually believed that the Christian God could not exist. I didn't really have any spiritual beliefs about it. Now I am intellectually AND spiritually repulsed by the idea.
They want me to believe that humans are inherently deserving of eternal punishment. They want me to believe that a Just God would punish us for a crime that we couldn't not commit. They want me to believe that a Good God would set up that kind of system in the first place. Worst of all, They want me to believe that our problems are just unsolvable without the supernatural intervention of our lazy, abusive sky daddy to bail us out.
We are humans. We are a way for the cosmos to know itself. We chose to do things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard. We fall down, but we get up again. We do not go gentle into that good night. We have the ability to face the uncertainty of the future with curiosity and optimism. We boldly go where no man has gone before. We are a species of problem producers and problem solvers. We have humanity. We want to make things better. Things will be better.
Before, I was only angry at the creationists who wanted this shit taught in science classes or who want to stop people from getting married. Now I am pissed at the whole damn thing! I know humans. Some of my best friends are humans! I am almost entirely sure that humans are not worse than garbage. I don't think existing is a crime. I don't think our problems are unsolvable. I don't think God is good by any definition I want to live by!
So yeah. Anyway, today, on the way to class, there were some people handing out the new testament, and I was angry. I was angry at them for giving people a book about giving yourself over to an imaginary magic man who could fix everything and is angry at us for being broken. About how we can freely chose to do whatever we want, but that whatever we chose will further the plan of a being so powerful, it has no need for plans in the first place. About how we are responsible for literally every bad thing in the world because we followed the plans of a being who is perfectly good. I was angry at them for giving this sh out.
I was angry at Them. Not at their book, not at their beliefs, I was angry at them. And all they were doing was trying to ensure that others weren't burning in eternal hell-fire. Usually, I'm better at being angry at the actual source of my anger. So, I think my going to church was a bad thing. I already had enough reasons to believe they were wrong. Just now I'm pissed about it.
Personally, i fell the same way sometimes about missionarys/jehovas witnesses, when i see them waltsing up to my door, i wanna tell them to go to the deep south, and yes the bible says we are inheritly bad, but think about it like this, its like the fallout video games. Its up to you to be good or bad, to choose your own path, and pave the road to where you will go. Honestly, if you follow the 10 commandments, and never commit the 7 deadly sins, then you are God himself. But humans are ment to be flawed. At some point you will be lazy, or greedy when you see something u want. Its in our nature to break these rules, for if we didnt how could we call ourselfs human.
Furthermore the whole hating people before you speak is not odd everyone has times like that.