So... About my first romance story...

It's been three months since I've written my first romance story featuring the three little adorable fillies. Everybody should know who they are by now. So... as the title says that was my first shot into the romance (mostly thanks to a contest which is a part of the reason I'll address soon) It's gotten a decent amount of likes which makes me happy but... there was one comment that made me think about the story in mind... If anyone's wanting to know who's comment this is, here it is... From Mermerus

Okay, gonna be hard to find the right words - hopefully, my brain's up to the task.

I almost downvoted this here entire story. After reading the first chapter. Then, luckily, I remembered that I'm not an asshole. Well, most of the time. So instead, I'll just take my leave and won't vote at all. But before doing so, I'd like to at least try to explain why.

That's true, so far. My problem with this tale of yours is not about typing errors. And to be honest, I haven't taken a look at the tense. (As you might've guessed by now, English isn't my native language, so I'm definitely not starting to nitpick about that.) The fist problem, as I see it, is the dialogue. As bjorn stated before - it's... hard to follow, sometimes.

The second, more important and all around bigger problem is the structure of the story itself. Let me try to give you an example:

She's worried. After a few minutes, she turns to her friend. "I'm worried."

That's a pattern I've read a lot in this first chapter and it's... annoying. Frustrating, even. First off: Show, don't tell. Why plainly stating that she's worried, when you could try to lead your readers to that conclusion themselves? She could stare into the distance, wrinkles on her forehead, deep in thought, a dead-serious expression, ignoring the first one, two, three times someone tries to get her attention. That would've been a better description and it would've avoided those pesky repetitions. She states that she's worried - that's okay. She's letting her friend into her world, trying to share her worries and thoughts. That should probably be a serious moment. But after being just plainly told that she's worried - I care little for what she's got to say and I'm more annoyed, my thoughts circling around something like "you don't say...? Really?"

This pattern pops up way to much and throws me off every time. I can't get into the story, can't get absorbed the least bit because of it. That's really sad, because you had a great idea, really. The premise of this story sounded interesting. But I just can't bring myself to read any further.

I'm sorry.

So this comment from the guy I had a good time chatting with (just adding that in case if you thought that I had bad blood with him) made me ponder about my first shot into romance... Admittedly, when I wrote it, it was... fun. I mean all books I've written and read are fun mind you but this... considering it was my first try into the romance genre and I was nervous throughout writing it, in the end, I ended up smiling through it all. Gotten some good comments especially Fluttercheer's! Here's her two comments if you want to know...

Wow, this story..... I have a huge smile on my face from reading it.

Just last year I was thinking of them as being in a triangle relationship and here's the fic for that now!

I'm not exaggerating when I say that this is a literary masterpiece of MLP: FiM fanfiction. The idea of them getting together in a triangle relationship alone is so unique and the way it's executed here is splendid.

It's touching, cute, dramatic, heartwarming and full of joy. I absolutely love it.

And I especially love it that they have decided to accept their romantic feelings for each other and to stay together as a herd, by doing babysteps in their relationship.

Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle together as a herd..... This is without a doubt and matter of factly the cutest thing ever.

My heart is molten now.

And...

Says every master, because masters are modest.

Really, you nailed it. I truly mean it.

As a writer I may suck at romance stories completely, but as a reader I can see a excellent romance story and you did everything right here.

Love is something different than friendship and having been friends for years and then suddenly discovering romantic feelings for each other made them afraid of the changes that would occur because they never experienced such feelings before for ANYPONY and so they feared unforeseen changes could let their friendship suffer and before they wanted to let that happen, they rather retreated from each other, so that their feelings for each other can't destroy everything.

They were overcharged with everything and this is an incredibly realistic reaction for three little filly friends who never had romantic feelings before and who suddenly discover that they have fallen for each other.

You've done a fine job there!

And, there's something else..... If you ever feel up to the task:

This story needs a sequel. A sequel about how life goes on for them now, how their relationship develops and about the babysteps they make.

Comparing to Mermerus, this was rather pleasing to me. But both comments come up in my thoughts. Here let me explain, remember when I said that this came because of a contest? Well, that's true. With Mermerus's comment bought up, I initially did rush through it hoping to get it submitted before the deadline so as a result, I most definitely missed out on details I never bothered to check aka where Mermerus's comment comes into play. So after I managed to submit it before the deadline, well I left it be, that is until Fluttercheer's came up and this is where I began to ponder.

With Mermerus's comment, since I have enough time with me now that the contest is over, I actually have begun thinking about revising this story and possibly revoke it (for now) so I can start it again from the bottom up with a much better story structure than before especially since I'm not rushed to do so. But I want to do it after I'm done writing the three stories I'm writing up on. Starting revisions already while I'm writing those other three would be a terrible idea on my part.

With Fluttercheer's comment, the advent of a sequel of their babysteps as she put it does seem like something I would do for the sake of me having a little bit of fun. So with that in mind, I might go for it after the revision and finishing the three stories in mind. Because honestly, I'd like to see their babysteps as well and possibly expand upon my romance side