Constructive Criticism Wanted: A Maximal Crusader

I may post this as a forum if not seen by much.

Edit: Three Now.

So far, it has one like and two dislikes (like how my Return of Tambelon started out on this site). As I have worked on it throughout the second half of February, I don't want to find out that I have written it in vain. Comments and Feedback are appreciated: What am I doing wrong? What am I doing right? How can I improve?

Comments

[Shadow rift]

Again, how about a trade here?