[Metacritic Monday] Fire Emblem Fates · 11:13pm Feb 20th, 2016
This is going to be a long one...
Hello everyone! My name is SuperKamek and welcome back to another episode of "Metacritic Monday", where I bitch and complain about people who bitch and complain. I'm... ugh... sorry about the delay; school happened, there was a test and I lost interest when it took up most of my Monday time, and by that point it was too late to make another episode. So yeah, I know some of you out there were disappointed by the lack of a Metacritic Monday last week, but I do at least have my reasons. But we're not here to talk about my shitty life! Oh no! We're here to talk about probably my most anticipated games of 2016: Fire Emblem Fates!
Please, please, PLEASE take note that I will not be ripping apart reviews that are actually legit. If someone dislikes a game for a reason, I'm all okay with that. What I'm NOT okay with is false information, like those stupid "0/10" reviews you find sometimes. Also take note that this is for entertainment and comedy purposes only, so I will be exaggerating a few points I make. So, without further ado, let's delve into Metacritic Monday!
...on a Saturday.
Fire Emblem Fates is, presumably, a fantastic game. Nay... games. Yes, there are two of them. But if anyone here followed my page, you'd already know that I've been flipping out about them for quite some time now. Because I have yet to play them due to personal issues, I can only look at gameplay and OSTs for my basis. But that's fine because it appears identical to, perhaps even better than, Fire Emblem Awakening, which is a game I DID play and DID enjoy thoroughly. So... yay.
Because there are two games, I'll be digging into the absolute WORST I've found for both their Metacritic pages. These ones have biased opinions galore, so get your swords and magic, because we are going into the land of utter shit once again. God have mercy on my ass...
First up, Birthright!
The game claimed to offer multiple stories along with the ability to choose which side you belong to, but that was not the case. I found out after starting Birthright that it only applies if you got the Special Edition of the game. For everyone else, it's an extra $20 if you play to the split point. It's annoying that you can't even pre-load the full game and does not seem to function independently of the other games. They are most likely dependent on one another and you're going to have to pay up the full $80 for the full experience. $80 for the same amount of content as a $50 game.
Hahaha! Ah, okay mate.
The game claimed to offer multiple stories
Which it followed through with, BTW.
along with the ability to choose which side you belong to
What, you need a game to help you choose what version you'll buy?
but that was not the case.
This was:
I found out after starting Birthright that it only applies if you got the Special Edition of the game.
I mean, it's not like there's another game with the choice you want!
For everyone else, it's an extra $20 if you play to the split point.
Yeah! I mean, c'mon, it's not like there was a totally different option for you when you went into EB Games and purchased the game! It's not like if you purchased one game, you could get the other one on the Nintendo e-shop for half the price, making your argument not only invalid, but completely idiotic and stupid!
It's annoying that you can't even pre-load the full game
Really? Having loading issues? Oh, you're talking about that $20 "DLC" right? Wasn't it "Conquest" or something? Yeah, I heard Nintendo is actually making that a hard copy now. It comes out ON THE SAME FUCKING DAY AS BIRTHRIGHT, YOU MORON!!!
and does not seem to function independently of the other games.
Yes, none of the game is independent and gives you a full, satisfying conclusion despite which version your picked.
...except it does. 
They are most likely dependent on one another
This isn't Pokemon.
and you're going to have to pay up the full $80 for the full experience.
I won't lie and say that if you DO want the full experience of both Fire Emblem Fates games, you'll have to pay a large sum of money towards Nintendo. But at the same time, it's not mandatory to do so, much like a Pokemon game. Only, unlike a Pokemon game, these games are completely different and both give a satisfying ending.
$80 for the same amount of content as a $50 game.
Yes. Exactly. The fucking. Same.
Next, Conquest!
Great gameplay, music and story. So why racked so low is simple the censorship of Nintendo of america. They believe that killing people and kids is ok but flirting with your companions is not ok. They also censored outfits because they show a little bit of thigh. lol
This is disappointing considering I bought the new fates 3ds and the special edition fire emblem game. Why cant Nintendo treat us like adults?
Wow.
Great gameplay, music and story.
Great! So, now that we're finished, I can go home and enjoy a nice cup of... wait, we're not done? There's still more?
...okay.
So why racked so low
Hey, no need to insult Camilla's rack like that!
is simple
Loving the lack of commas and periods there, mate! 
the censorship of Nintendo of america.
They believe that killing people and kids is ok
Clearly they don't if they included "Phoenix" mode into Birthright and Conquest.
but flirting with your companions is not ok.
Now this was a debate that destroyed the internet, no joke! People were arguing left and right about how this change would destroy Fire Emblem Fates and everything it had going for it. Nothing about the game would EVER be the same again! Y'know, except for the gameplay, the music, the characters, the maps, the "My Castle" feature, and pretty much everything else about the game.
I will fully admit that I too attempted to join the bandwagon and talk about this change. However, the more I thought about it, the more I just began laughing at how incredibly stupid it all was. The human race, everyone! Truly a species filled with FUCKING GENIUSES!!
Besides, the feature is still in the games, you can only just now do it to the character you're married with.
They also censored outfits because they show a little bit of thigh. lol
LOL! That joke was so funny! Maybe I should go to Comedy Central and join up with Jim FUCKING Carrey!
This is disappointing considering I bought the new fates 3ds and the special edition fire emblem game.
Well who's fault was that?
Why cant Nintendo treat us like adults?
They do, but people often forget that they are a FAMILY FRIENDLY GAMING COMPANY. They won't be pushing out anything extremely violent and dumb (like Call of Duty) anytime soon.
And that concludes today's Metacritic Monday! Did you enjoy the show? If so, leave a comment down below! Also, what are your thoughts on Fire Emblem Fates? Like it? Hate it? Really you choice, I won't blame you if you hate it. Nothing much to say, actually. I mean, I could say that in Birthright, not telling you because this isn't even true lol I can't believe you fell for that you dummy and actually DIES!
Oh, sorry...
...spoilers.
Good to see Metacritic is still as vicious as ever.
In all seriousness, it wasn't really the fact that NoA changed anything (found it slightly dumb, but not a deal breaker) rather, my problem with Nintendo of America was the way they communicated it...Now granted, it wasn't the worst way in the world, but I just wished they'd been clearer on a few things, cause after the disaster that was Tomodachi Life, I really think NoA should rethink they're PR department.
Still, ignoring the fact that they should probably have better PR, glad to hear Birthright and Conquest are great ^_^
3767045
I agree. If Nintendo just explains things more clearly, they wouldn't have quite as many problems as they do now. Remember Metroid Prime: Federation Force? Yeah, a real...
...prime example right there.
I have yet to play either Birthright or Conquest, but I imagine I'll be having an extremely fun time with them.
3767054
Lots of love to Nintendo for doing a lot right, but communication, their NA division kinda needs to git gud.
I HAVE SO MUCH HYPE WHEN I GET IT!!! So.Much. Gotta bang them all. That's why I always say
You can marry people in that game? Cool!
Now the only thing they have to do is...
RELEASE IT IN EUROPE!!
Or at least give us a date
3767060
Really? I thought they always said: "Take off your headphones and get over here, you little shit!".
...or maybe that was just my dad.
3767065
Fire Emblem Awakening had this as well. Were you never aware of the amount of memes on the internet referencing this? 
Y-Yeah, it's kind of a prime feature of Fire Emblem.
3767072
You could always get an American 3DS and import the game over!
Besides, this is revenge for keeping the Wii version of Pikmin 2 away from America for so long, you tea-sipping, chip-eating, queen-worshiping jerks! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA
3767087
Yeahhhh...
I'm german
3767101
Buddy, you can be from anywhere; I'll still have a plethora of jokes regarding each and every country.
3767082 Nooooo
Oh great shipping god I come to humbly ask you for shipping advice.
So go here.
3767272
I thought that blog was yours and I may have unintentionally insulted someone. 
Whoops! I diddled again! 
Well shit, Dark.
3767083 Nope!
3768389
Well, alright then!
If you do have the time, try out a Fire Emblem game. They're REALLY good!
3768392 I will once I save up enough money. Any recommendations?
3768396
Since Fire Emblem games are for Nintendo stuff, you'll need either a 3DS or Wii-U. If you've got a 3DS, try getting either FE: Awakening or FE: Fates. Or all four of them. If you've got a Wii-U, you can purchase the original Fire Emblem games from the GBA for as little as $10 - $15!
3768406 Since I only have a 3Ds, I'll see which one catches my interest.