Competition Blues (And no you can't have a Clue!)

Sorry in advance. The silly title isn't exactly THAT representative of this blog....Soooooo in short. NO BLUE CLUE FOR YOU!

Eh hem. Onto the actual blog.

I was in this competition til recently. And given current circumstances I want to talk about my experience with it. Um. Keep in mind I am a human and this is all MY experience. The other people involved most likely had DIFFERENT ones. That DOESN'T make mine or theirs any less valid. Anyway I feel compelled to share my experience.

So I'm just hanging out working on the outlines for E.O.B. (Yeah I still have both my arms despite uh my resolution so hey I'm a lazy slacker. Who knew right?) and I get a message from the Competition Holder (I won't use names out of respect for the people involved )asking if I wanted to take part in a new competition they were doing. And they wanted to try and get people who participated in PREVIOUS competitions to do this. I had previously participated in a competition of theirs before. I lost the FIRST round. So I figured eh. Why not? I'd most likely be eliminated first on my team but it'd be something cool to do to pass time. So they said they'd contact me when it was ready.

Fast forward to the competition and I get my teammates and a deadline for the first doc. Who are a bit of a mixed bag. One is a person who said they'd most likely be EXTREMELY busy so we'd probably should consider getting another teammate. I dismissed the idea and chose to give the person a chance. The next one was a bit difficult because they didnt show until the last of the three days given. I was unsure of their reliability but I decided to drop it. Because hey its the VERY beginning. So the last teammate was actually one I was really excited for. They seemed just as enthusiastic as me and they seemed reliable. They were there the FIRST DAY. So that experience was a bit of a mixed bag like the team. Still each of them wrote a bit and we got the doc in on time. The following doc was kinda more or less the same experience.

The third doc was when we actually got to writing competition bits. First we had a pre challenge thing and that seemed to go again relatively the same as the previous two.

And then the actual CHALLENGE bit cropped up. And I found myself ALONE. Which was the first time in the competition. But I figured hey I'll wait a day or two SURELY my team would contact me. And let me know if anything was up. So I waited. I waited TWO days. And during the day of the second day the "Difficult One" had informed me they had school finals. I was so CONCERNED with getting the doc done I sacraficed SLEEP to get it done during the second night so my team could review it the following day. And on that day the only one to show up was the "Reliable one". I proposed a certain idea I had thought of to use for their character but refrained since it could have been a touchy subject. They wrote up the idea I had. The other two came later and I asked them to review it. They approved and added nothing. Which was something I was fine with at the time. Heck my team even WON because of that submission or maybe the other team's submission was just worst. Either way we won.

So the next pre challenge was given to my teammates. And apparently I wasn't given the PM describing it. I'm sure it was just an oversight or something but it did make me feel a bit IGNORED. So anyway we write the prelude to the pre challenge and then we get the prechallenge. Like before me and two others write it out. However THIS time me and the uh "Difficult One" had a few creative differences. For one we ended up working on THAT doc the day it was due. Though we discussed a minute point the night before. Anyway them and I disagreed about them including characters related to their OC in the part. Mostly because I felt we were on a time crunch and it felt kinda sorta like the "Difficult One" was well trying to make their character "Special". In this prechallenge our OCs had to perform on stage. And EVERY other one of our OCs was teleported OTHER than that person's. I couldn't help but feel again they were trying to make their character "A Special Little Snowflake". Luckily the "Reliable One" was there and got things resolved. So we turn it in and everything is peachy.

Then AGAIN I end up ALONE for the challenge. Mostly because the "Reliable One" had a family commitment. And they told me like the first night. So I shrugged it off and said for them not to sweat it and the "Difficult One" would help me. And so I waited. And once again my team left me ALONE. I was ALONE for the SECOND time. So again I asked for an extension. So again I stood up to write the doc because I felt it was unfair for the Competition Holder to have to wait pass the deadline. I had made a commitment to the competition and I wanted to HONOR that commitment the best I could. I guess I felt sacrificing my sleep was some kinda sacrificial lamb or something. My father always made a POINT to tell me to honor commitments and be true to my WORD. The fact I felt I had to go against my word TWICE made me feel bad. It made me feel WRONG. Whenever I had to ask for an extension I SQUIRMED with how BAD it made me feel. I had felt like I LIED. But anyway that doc ended up tieing with the other team so my team was safe. So I sucked it up and time passed.

Then there was an in between chapter thing which was absolutely fun. It was a breath of fresh air and I could finally feel RELAXED again. I guess at that time I thought it'd be ME and ONLY me writing. That doc however proved to me that naw I still had the "Reliable One" with me. So I'd be fine. I'd cope. I may get bitter but I could get over it.

Then the latest pre challenge came up. And for the THIRD time I was ALONE. And THIS time UNLIKE the FIRST I didn't get any help in the PRE CHALLENGE. The previous two times were CHALLENGES. And truth be told I was ANGRY. And I think it was because I was SCARED. I was SCARED I was alone. I was SCARED I couldn't trust my team. I had sent ALL three of them a PM with the google doc I created for it ON the day the challenge was posted. Hell I guess because of issues with teammates not carrying their weight the "Competition Holder" even created a penalty for it. And NONE responded. The only one who responded was the "Unreliable one" during the NIGHT the doc was DUE. And they didn't help me. That just made me feel EVEN worse because it LOOKED like they were gonna help only to leave me alone. I guess at the time they decided to QUIT based on seeing nothing on the document. But at the time I didn't know that.

Well that's not ENTIRELY true. That night the "Difficult One" contacted me apologizing for their tardiness. And I just told them essentially "Just tell me". That was all I wanted. I could endure writing for the team. If I only knew my team was ACTING like one by COMMUNICATING. But apparently there was NONE. The "Difficult One" had an excuse of course. They told me one of their family members was celebrating something so they were busy. But there were a couple of problems I found with this. First they claimed a niece stole their phone for DAYS. I personally find that hard to believe. Second I'm a very thorough guy. So every day I'd check to see if my teammates logged in. And the longest the "Difficult One" was offline was 4 days. Yet they didn't bother communicating with me about the FUN chapter before. That is a 6 DAY TIME FRAME. The last 4 I could buy. The First 2 NO. When we were talking I had flashbacks to them telling me they were taking FINALS. Which is fine but they didn't tell us UNTIL they were already in the MIDDLE of finals. And having taken FINALS MYSELF those DON'T sneak up on you. You know in ADVANCE. That coupled with the fact they didn't seem concerned with communicating broke me.

I was furious. And HURT. So I lashed out. And me and the "Difficult One" argued resulting in them quitting the competition. And I decided to share this information as well as the actual conversation with the "Competition Holder". They took a while to respond. So after a while I decided to message the "Difficult One" on fimfiction. I had said their writing sucked and that was mean. And that was WRONG. So I typed up a message and I guess I didn't send it. I say guess because I could've sworn I had but there is NO proof of that on my PM THING so I guess I didn't send it. Today I did however send one hopefully. Though I guess its plausible they blocked me or something.

When I went to their profile I found they posted a blog. And that was them reeling from what I said. That is SHAMEFUL. Regardless of everything else the fact I had pulled a fellow writer into the DIRT is shameful. Not only was it disrespectful to them and the "Competition Holder" but also to writing as a whole. It is something I don't think I can forgive myself for. At least for a while.

So as expected I was punished by being booted out myself. Which I can't blame the "Competition Holder" for doing.

I have always been a fan of superheroes. Of the cheesy overcoming the odds cliche (One of my favorite movies being the original Karate Kid). I guess that cheesy belief crept its way into my thought process for this competition. I HOPED my team would EXCEL as a TEAM. I guess I may have aimed for the heavens while they were earthbound. Maybe it was my mistake to TRUST strangers. Oh well.

You know something that made the sting WORSE? When I got the boot from the Competition Holder they told me the competition was meant to build friendships and whatnot. I can't help but wonder why. Why is that a thing? Because I didn't make any friends. I had my trust tested again and again. And it was shattered again and again. They even told me to apologize to the "Difficult One" so a possible friendship wouldn't be ruined. But the fact of the matter is it already was. Because relationships are based on trust. And the "Difficult One" SHATTERED that trust. I cant help but laugh at that idea.

I guess the reason I typed this up was to make peace with what happened. To confront it I guess. I don't know. I guess I typed this up more out of EMOTION than anything. I've always been an emotional wreck. Anyway like I said this ISN'T the full story. Its just MINE. Eh maybe I'm just an idiot barking something loud and unintelligible which signifies NOTHING. Considering my family Probably. The answer is PROBABLY.

Comments

[A Hollow Shell]

Oh...oh goodness. Someone's had a difficult time.

Now, from personal experience, I know that rant blogs aren't necessarily meant to be read, but to be written, but it's still nice to get support, no?

Please don't let this be the end of your writing, your trust in others, or your faith in humanity. You didn't name names, so neither will I, but there are some pretty crappy people out there in this world. I happen to be one of them, heh...but don't base your concept of humanity on them. Base it on the ones that make you laugh, make you happy, make you smile instead.

The Competition Holder's provided some of the most writing fun I've had in a long time, and it's what they strove to do. Hopefully, despite it all, you still had fun too!

Contact me if you ever need anything, please.