Read It Now Reviews #70 – My Legacy, The Wait, Hurricane’s Way, I Can’t Marry You, Trixie’s Fire in the Blood · 3:53am Jan 26th, 2016
Howdy folks!
As I promised last week, I posted a new story yesterday:
I Have This Friend
Comedy, Romance
2,026 wordsTwilight asks Celestia for romantic advice.
You know, for a friend.
Because, really, who doesn’t love awkward conversations?
For those new folks who just followed me as a result of that story: welcome! I’m glad you guys all thought I was worth following, and I hope you all enjoy my future works (and my past ones as well, if you haven’t read them yet).
In addition to writing stories of my own, I also periodically do reviews of stories, typically posted in sets of five. Some posts are reviews of recently written stories (as is the case with this post), others are reviews of stories released long ago, and still others are full sets of stories that I heartily recommend, drawn from my long-standing list of such stories.
Today’s stories are a set of stories which all came out in the last week from a number of folks:
My Legacy by Wanderer D
The Wait by xjuggernaughtx
Hurricane’s Way by ZOMG
I Can’t Marry You by Rated Ponystar
Trixie’s Fire in the Blood by Georg
My Legacy
by Wanderer D
Alternate Universe, Sad
6,500 wordsStarlight Glimmer has the forgiveness, love, support and friendship of Twilight Sparkle and her friends. The townsponies of Our Town had welcomed her back and helped her rebuild her life anew, just as she had endeavored to return the favor and make up for past mistakes.
But in all the happiness that surrounds her, Starlight still sees a shadow of what could have been, and more importantly, what she caused to happen in other versions of her world.
Now she has to decide: should she stay home—safe—or face her legacy?
Why I added it: Wanderer D is a good writer.
Review
Starlight Glimmer realized, after learning about the mirror, that the worlds she visited were not other timelines, erased when she fixed things, but other dimensions, created by her when she manipulated the timeline. Not content to let the other worlds end in darkness, she steps through to the first reality, where Princess Celestia fights her desperate war against King Sombra…
And promptly turns herself in as the criminal who created this world. She wants to be punished for her crimes – punishment she did not get in her world.
But things are not so simple.
Starlight Glimmer’s hope of being punished is fairly central to this story, but the true purpose of it all is AU!Celestia’s view on the matter, and Starlight Glimmer coming to understand her true role in the whole catastrophe.
To me, AU!Celestia is the most interesting part of the story; her confrontation with Starlight Glimmer doesn’t go down at all the way that Starlight Glimmer had envisioned, and she shows the same fundamental nobility and goodness of the mainline Celestia despite the hardships she and her ponies have suffered. How she decides to deal with Starlight Glimmer – and why – as well as what she does after the story ends are both quite good, and cut through the angst of the AU like a hot knife through butter.
Unfortunately, while I liked the climactic scene, and the conclusion, the route there wasn’t quite so solid. I never really totally came to grips with Starlight Glimmer’s character here, and never really emotionally invested in her internal struggle; I assumed (as Twilight did) that she was going to set right what once went wrong by helping out elsewhere, but after that turns out not to be the case, I sort of lost the thread of her and ended up feeling like I was riding along with Celestia, not Starlight Glimmer, who had ostensibly been the protagonist of the piece. That isn’t really a bad thing – I liked AU!Celestia – but it meant that the first half of the piece, by comparison, just wasn’t as engaging, and honestly felt a bit extraneous, because the most important thing – and virtually all the character development – took place in the final two scenes. Had the story just been the last two scenes, I think it would have worked just as well, and indeed, I think it is possible to even start reading from the start of the second-to-last scene and have the story still make sense.
Recommendation: Worth Reading for the last two scenes.
The Wait
by xjuggernaughtx
Slice of Life
1,530 wordsNopony likes waiting for the post office to deliver that something special, but that wait is harder for some than others.
And then there's Pinkie Pie...
Why I added it: It was the top “also liked” story for I Have This Friend, and xjuggernaughtx is a good writer.
Review
A pure slice of life piece about Pinkie Pie sitting in front of her mailbox, waiting to open it in fear of not getting something she was supposed to get in the mail. This story contains some jokes, such as speculation about the gender of mailboxes, but ultimately, while there are a smattering of them here and there, it is really extremely slice-of-lifey, and not a whole lot happens. It was apparently written for the same collection that Pascoite’s For the Birds was written for, and is very similar to that piece in many respects, down to being mildly amusing but not really having a whole lot to say.
Recommendation: If you liked For the Birds more than I did, you’ll probably like this as well, as it is a very similar kind of story. Otherwise, not recommended.
Hurricane’s Way
by ZOMG
Romance
10,662 wordsLong ago, Commander Hurricane set an example that still resonates with all pegasi who fall in love with their ground bound kin. Every pegasus knows the story, the tradition is deeply engrained and held dear to their hearts.
Now, if only Twilight could curb her curiosity long enough to enjoy and appreciate just how important she is to Rainbow.
Why I added it: It was featured and mentions historical figures of Equestria in its title (which, as it turns out, is also a stealth pun).
Review
Rainbow Dash wants to carry Twilight Sparkle up to Cloudsdale. The pair have been dating for some time, but this is apparently some kind of pegasus tradition that involves their groundbound lovers.
And Rainbow Dash refuses to explain the origin or purpose of the tradition to Twilight.
Twilight protests a bit at first, but eventually relents. But as Rainbow Dash shows Twilight around Cloudsdale, and introduces her to what basically amounts to her second family, Twilight’s curiousity grows. Just what is this tradition, and why is it so important to Rainbow Dash?
This story is very much about warm and fuzzy feelings. Rainbow Dash and Twilight are very cutesy and cuddly throughout the piece, and Twilight plays the role of the lover who gets introduced to people that know all the best embarrassing stories about their lover’s childhood and gets to hear them over their lover’s red-faced protests. The story evolves slowly, spending a lot of time on the build-up to the explanation, which takes place at the climax of the story and explains exactly what is going on.
At its core, the story accomplishes a lot of what it is trying to do; Rainbow Dash’s not-blood family fits the role of the close family friends/family snugly, the climactic explanation wraps up the story nicely, and there is a fair bit of world-building thrown in during the tour and introduction to Rainbow Dash’s family which serves as a backdrop for Rainbow Dash and Twilight being a cute couple.
That said, it isn’t perfect. Ultimately, the story really has two flaws. The first is pacing; once the story gets going, it flows at a reasonable enough pace, but the start of the story – really up until after Rainbow Dash and Twilight encounter Hoops in Cloudsdale – feels a bit filler-y. Not that some of it wasn’t necessary, but it feels like there is a lot of space and not enough filling it up, and I was getting kind of bored with the story before the tour of Cloudsdale actually began in earnest. Some of the writing, too, felt a bit flat, especially in the earlier parts of the story, which contributed to my early ennui.
The other complaint is more of a quibble, namely that the story felt in some way like it very much was painted inside the lines – the story as a whole had this certain feeling of familiarity to it, and while it contributed to the warmth in some ways, it also made the whole thing feel a little bit generic, as the not-Italian family felt kind of stereotypical and the whole experience felt kind of standardized, like it was something I’d seen before, and it didn’t feel like it was made all that unique for the characters in some places.
Still, I can’t say that I didn’t like where it all ended up. It may not have been a perfect journey, but it did arrive where it was trying to get to. That said, I’m not sure that this would hold much appeal for folks who don’t already ship TwiDash actively; there’s a lot of cuddling, nuzzling, and other cutesy stuff which I could see as being offputting if you weren’t willing to say “Yeah, these two would totally be friendly with each other like that” right off the bat, as it doesn’t really do a whole lot to establish why the two are in a relationship in the first place, and this is not going to be the story that convinces you that those two need to kiss.
Recommendation: Worth reading if you ship TwiDash and like cute things.
I Can’t Marry You
by Rated Ponystar
Sex, Sad, Romance
4,603 wordsRainbow Dash and Applejack had been together for many years now. First as rivals, then best friends, and now marefriends. Neither can deny that the years they have been together have been the best in their lives. Now Applejack wants to make it permanent. After months of planning it out, Applejack finally has asked Rainbow Dash for her hoof in marriage.
Why I added it: It was featured.
Review
Applejack proposes to Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash tells Applejack no – but not because she doesn’t love her, or doesn’t want to spend their lives together. But she just doesn’t want to get married, period.
I came into this hoping to feel kind of bad for the pair, but I never got emotionally invested in this story. The story starts out with Applejack and Rainbow Dash heatedly – and descriptively – making out, and the sex tag on this story is there for both that, and some crudity throughout the story. It then goes on to the proposal, and Rainbow Dash saying no…
But the story really struggles throughout.
The story really has two main issues. The largest one is with the prose itself, which is frequently (and unpleasantly) telly.
“That’s because Rainbow Dash hasn’t spoken to them since she turned eighteen,” revealed Fluttershy, making the other’s eyes widen.
“Hold up, that would mean she hadn’t seen her Ma and Pa for over ten years?! Why would she do that?” asked Applejack.
“Because she hates them,” muttered Fluttershy. “For getting a divorce when she was ten.”
The group was dead quiet for a few minutes as the revelation of a painful past of their high flying and loyal friend sunk in. Applejack’s eyes then narrowed as she asked, “Tell me everything’.”
You’ll note several things here. The story uses four saidisms in four paragraphs, and one of them (revealed) is a very weak and telly saidism that doesn’t actually add anything. But even beyond that, we have “The group was dead quiet for a few minutes as the revelation of a painful past of their high flying and loyal friend sunk in.” This is an awkward sentence, but moreover, it is committing two great telling sins: it is not only telling us how to feel by telling us that Rainbow Dash’s past was painful, it is repeating information we already know, as Fluttershy just told us that Rainbow Dash hates her parents because they got a divorce. Indeed, the scene could have ended after Fluttershy’s line, with it being implicit that Applejack was told the full story between the scene breaks. Instead, we get that line from Applejack… and then the scene break.
The story is full of stuff like this, and it left me feeling detached from it throughout the story.
It also includes some lines from various characters – particularly Rainbow Dash – which feel wrong. Rainbow Dash doesn’t seem like the sort of person who would say “nevertheless”, but she does in this story. This further distanced me from the characters.
Finally, I never really bought into Rainbow Dash’s fear of marriage. The idea wasn’t a terrible one, but the story didn’t really make it clear why Rainbow Dash was willing to stay with Applejack forever but not get married specifically, when she wanted to have things be more or less like a marriage anyway. I’m not really sure what the difference was in her mind, and the story never really made that all that clear.
The net effect of all this is that I never bought into the emotionality of this piece, and consequently it fell kind of flat for me. I wanted to feel Applejack’s emotional roller coaster here as she goes through the story, but I never did.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Trixie’s Fire in the Blood
by Georg
Slice of Life
10,553 wordsWhen all of your accomplishments have turned to dust, even the Great and Powerful must fall. After many such failures, Trixie has reached the nadir of her life, the lowest she could possibly sink, and now there is only one option remaining.
She is going to go home to Neigh Orleans in defeat.
That is, unless her Grand-Père Presto can restore Trixie’s confidence in herself with a little magic gumbo and a whole lot of love.
Why I added it: Georg is a good writer.
Review
Trixie has been saved –not only saved, but peremptorily forgiven – yet again by one of Twilight Sparkle’s friends.
She was going to be the Great and Powerful Trixie. She was going to fly away from the mud and muck of Neigh Orleans. She was not going to work in her Grand-Pere’s factory, but be her own person, make her own mistakes, just as her Grand-Pere did.
But everything has gone wrong, and now she’s dragging herself home in defeat. She’s lost everything. She’s not going to be the greatest unicorn. She can’t accept the forgiveness, trust, and companionship of Twilight and her friends. She can’t even thank them properly for their assistance.
The fire inside Trixie has gone out, replaced with ice.
But her Grand-Pere does not believe it is gone for good, and wants to rekindle the flame. And the only way for Trixie to do that is to cook his world-famous gumbo. You can hardly find a new start on an empty stomach, after all.
The story is very much a slice of life piece, where Trixie works on the gumbo as she talks to her Grand-Pere about things. Beyond serving as a medium for action, it also allows for some of the actions to take on additional meaning – early on, she uses a eye-protection spell while chopping onions, but later on, when she is chopping garlic, she cries “despite” the eye-protection spell. The gumbo allows her to express her emotions physically, as well as give hints as to some of the things that are really bothering her. As the entire story consists of Trixie cooking gumbo and talking to her family members, one could say nothing “really” happens, but at the same time, there is an arc to the story, as Trixie goes from defeated to deciding that she’s going to go out and try again, and properly win over Twilight.
There’s a bit of a twist in this story, and I won’t spoil it for you, but it was something which was hinted at several times in various subtle ways before it comes out and lays it on the plate for the audience. Indeed, there’s a few little things here and there, some implications which take a while to evolve.
There’s also considerable amount of richness in the description of the environment and of the cooking, and it does a pretty good job of establishing the setting and painting in the details around Trixie and her Grand-Pere.
Unfortunately, the surface level of this story is at times a bit dull. It was never really bad enough that my attention strayed, but there were a few points in the story where it felt like it was dragging a little, and like it repeated itself a bit more than it wanted to. Trixie’s mother just wasn’t as strong of a character as her Grand-Pere, and her appearance at the end of the story, while necessary to wrap things up, didn’t feel quite as interesting as cooking the gumbo did. There were a few bits where the story felt like it was being a bit too coy, and I’m not sure that it needed to be quite so long as it was.
The overall character arc here was decent enough, and I can’t really say I disliked the story. Still, I wasn’t as invested in it as I might have liked, and it was one of those things that glode along the edge of my interest. I’ve never been hugely invested in Trixie as a character to begin with, and while this story did poke at my interest a little, I always felt just a little detached.
Recommendation: If you have a vested interest in Trixie or particularly enjoy slice of life character examinations, this might be your thing. If neither of those things are really your thing, you’re probably better off steering clear.
Summary
My Legacy by Wanderer D
Worth Reading
The Wait by xjuggernaughtx
Not Recommended
Hurricane’s Way by ZOMG
Worth Reading
I Can’t Marry You by Rated Ponystar
Not Recommended
Trixie’s Fire in the Blood by Georg
Not Recommended
Long ago, I started doing this for the purpose of cleaning out my read later shelves.
When I started, there were 1,517 stories on my Read It Eventually list, and 120 stories on my Read It Later list.
As you can see, this has been going very well for me!
Number of stories still listed as Read It Sooner: 109
Number of stories still listed as Read It Later: 412
Number of stories listed as Read It Eventually: 1803
Look! It has gone down by… -300 stories. Per shelf. And I created a new, even higher priority shelf… which is now just about as full as the previous one was.
*cough*
Oh well. At least you’ve all gotten some things to read, right?
At least my main criticism of my own story—that the ending felt too removed from the start—seems to have some legitimate, non-feverish force behind it.
I know you already commented on it, but:
Ogod, why would someone do that? If there's a list of verbs to never use for dialogue tagging, that ought to be near the top.
3712756
I've actually been thinking about making a post about types of saidisms and said bookisms, and talking about a few that I see fairly frequently that are especially poor choices to use (and more importantly, why some saidisms are good while others are problematic), but I have this odd feeling like I've made that post before.
Yep, that was the limitations of the project. It had to be slice of life with basically nothing of note happening. Not to say that The Wait couldn't have been better in the hands of a more skilled author, but I did what I could with it. I enjoy it for what it is.
I found it highly ironic that Bad Horse's blog post on subtlety came out the day before I was scheduled to hit Publish on Fire in the Blood, and that the day I did hit it, I found out it was Wilbur Scoville's 151st birthday. Some things you just can't plan.
Thanks for the review, TD.
3712747
Ah, the joys of fevers. Never quite sure if you're thinking straight when you're running too hot.
But hey, it made the featured story box! We're feature box buddies now!
Just don't cough on me.
3712769
You did a pretty good job with the subtle hints of what was going on; it was when he mentions that Trixie's mother was cooking for two now that I realized the fact that he wasn't helping Trixie cook might be more significant than it had seemed.
3712756 I think that shows us that Fluttershy had a set of cards that she flipped over, revealing them.
Some I've read, some I've been looking to read. Thanks for the reviews, TD. These were most helpful.
3712809
Cards, you say? Perish the Thought!
TD convinced me to read something without a stellar rating. :O
3714267
What was that?
Does "asked" qualify as a saidism? I have always been of the opinion that asked : ? :: said : . :: exclaimed : ! The thrust of the punctuation makes the flat "said" look out of place, so you need a different dialog tag to maintain a consistent tone for the line. I actually think "...!" said x would disgust me more than a stray revealed
3714362
Asked is a saidism, technically speaking, but it is the most acceptable of the lot of them (mostly because it is basically just "said" for a question). But even using asked (or said) too much gets wearing after a while. Using it amidst so many other saidisms made it stick out more than it usually does; it is typically a fairly invisible dialogue tag.
I generally dislike "exclaimed", though.
3714283
Hurricane's Way. :B I'd skipped it in the featured box, but I do like Twidash. :D
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lh5.googleusercontent.com/proxy/H2i202ukiqfQti5jjfn_QNSqqPbq21seUSGPOx9auNO1o8vlfc6Zt4ehUlqAys-NG7MK4fs5K2zjkcLZ5XNrdt31Cix3bMXLbxa05FXM_ysZPwXB9pLDIq1lJveY2d7q50I=w353-h416-nc
3714769
To what?
I've always liked Twidash! D:
Story of my life, or at least my Fimfiction account.