Things that are Not the Onion · 5:19am Dec 15th, 2015
Today (or rather, the last few days) in bizarre news:
Better still, it was because he wanted to send it via Western Union, but was put off by their high transfer fees. Evil is not one big happy family.
Going to make family get-togethers a bit awkward from now on, though on the upside, she convinced him to turn himself in and go state's evidence on his former friends.
He'd better get her a really nice gift for Christmas this year.
Another local - a science teacher, no less - was worried about what would happen to the plants underneath the solar panels.
Proof that Trump's hair is treated with toxic waste.
The mood to just stop running hit Serena Williams at a rather inopportune time Sunday. She was in the middle of the Serena Williams Live Ultimate Run in Miami Beach, along with about 3,000 runners, when she did what any sensible person would do. She hailed a taxi.
On the other hand, her older sister, Venus, did finish the race.
Yes, Serenea Williams is recovering from a knee injury, so it is probable that the real reason she hailed the cab was that she was hurting. She probably shouldn't have run in the first place.
Better still, this was directly in front of the police barracks. He got caught because another cop (who was unloading his own car) noticed him parking in the wrong spot and went over to have words with him about his choice of parking space.
And just in time for the holidays! As one of the doctors there explains:
"As we all know, some hangovers can be terrible and some people can't even get out of bed," says Rod Lang.
As someone noted in the comments, though, there is one critical flaw:
How would you get there if you're too hungover to get out of bed?
It is also quite the pricy stay; $140 for a IV drip and vitamin cocktail.
Touchy, touchy.
Apparently the figures weren't supposed to be released yet, but, seriously, shooting a DMCA notice at your own fans for showing their excitement for your physical product seems a bit overboard. Also, given that these pictures are now everywhere on the Internet, this was either very counterproductive, or a very sly bit of viral marketing which makes the company look bad.
No one saw that coming.
The restaurant installed a new set of powerful air filters in an attempt to make the air in their restaurant more breathable, and then passed on a 1 yuan (15 cent) fee to diners to pay off the system. The Chinese government cracked down on the practice, though, stating it was an illegal charge because patrons of the restaurant could not choose whether or not to breathe the cleaned air.
Chinese social media was less supportive, however, with many online noting that they would pay the fee in exchange for clean air, and that maybe the central government should get on that.
WTF!?
I see you're still not doing that 'writing' thing. :P
The Internet is angry that Sports Illustrated did not choose a horse as is sportsperson of the year.
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I'm just... looking for inspiration.
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Have they ever named a non-human as athlete of the year?
EDIT: Best comment, after all the racist attacks on Serena Williams:
Given what urban China's air quality tends to be like, the last one doesn't surprise me.
North Carolina, though...
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Seemed like a legitimate bit of capitalism to me. I'd imagine that a restaurant with clean air would be a place a lot of folks in China would love to go if they lived in Beijing.
Though really, I think it would have made more sense to just roll the added price into their food.
We definitely live on the pinnacle of civilisation.
Thanks for reporting these TD! Chasing absurdity throughout the world is sometimes hilarious but often makes you despair.
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I know that ISIS is an awful group and all, but the idea of an ISIS supporter getting caught by their own mom because they're too lazy to do their own laundry just... speaks to me.
Okay... wow...
and supporting DAESH automatically means you're not the sharpest tool in the box.
Are you sure some of those are really real?
I mean, sure, Serena has a dodgy knee, the hang over clinic just strikes me as common sense
But charging for clean air?
Sparking up pot outside a police barracks?
And isn't soaking up the energy of the sun what a solar plant is meant to do? "Oh no! This machine is functioning entirely as designed! AAAAH!"
I am embarrassed to share a genepool with some people...
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None of these beat my favorite news article of all time.
Also, the clean air in Chinese restaurants thing is more believable once you know that it is so bad that the air in Beijing is now regularly classified as dangerous to your health to inhale. They actually shut down the schools today because they don't want children going outside.
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Okay, that is bunny boiling scary...
And how could China, or any country for that matter, let things get that bad? Yeah, the economy is important, but I think breathing is more so.
The solar panel article is a pretty big example of out of context clickbaiting headlines. The panel was refused for economic reasons.
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Some of the residents really did make pretty stupid statements, and those were broadly publicized (and with good reason).
Others were complaining about a lack of local jobs, as solar panels don't create jobs. Well, duh! Why would they? Why is this even important?
Other complaints were about it destroying land value, because no one would want to live near the solar farm, and therefore, their land would be worth less, and they didn't want to sell their land to solar companies for power stations. Others complained this had already happened.
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I'm sure none of the ISIS warriors do their own laundry.
First because water must be scarce in northern Iraq/Syria.
Next because, you know, laundry is a distaff job.
Well, we now know that the universe isn't infinite. Stupidity, on the other hand...
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Nope. Teams composed of multiple humans have won, but no non-humans have ever won.
Hunh. That burned-down inn is about 30 miles from my home.
With all this Christmas cheer, I'd almost caught a touch of faith in humanity. Thanks for bringing me back to my senses!
30 percent of republicans support bombing this fictional Disney land
Pollsters are being silly again.