The Longest Sentence · 3:31am Dec 13th, 2015
This is all Present Perfect's fault.
You may remember a while back, Present wrote the shortest shipfic. And it was short . . . but I went shorter. And then things got out of hoof, as they often do when I'm involved (remember Peaches? 
), and presently we had a 0 word shipfic thanks to yours truly, and somepony else trying to figure out if the site could be somehow gamed to show a negative word count.
Well, as it happened, a few days ago I started reading through Future Progressive: The Speedfics and Drabbles of Present Perfect , which I totally thought I'd already read but then found out I hadn't when Present posted a new chapter to it and I saw I had something like fifty unread chapters there and I just had to rectify that situation.
Long story short, one of those stories is a 506-word long sentence. Holy wall of text, Batman! I'm pretty sure I never even saw a semicolon, which is totally a cheater's way of making run-on sentences work (I should know; I use enough of them).
So that kicked my competitive spirit into high gear.
I commented that I was tempted to write a longer sentence. Present said (all in caps, so I'd get the point)
THIS IS NOT SOMETHING WHICH REQUIRES ONE-UPPING, BISCUIT D:
I replied the only way I know how:
OR IS IT?
It was a Bright and Sunny Day in Ponyville stands at 506 words. Without any further ado, I present The Longest Sentence, weighing in at 827* words. Spoilers below. Also notes and stuff.
____________________________________________
Or thereabouts. I didn't actually proof-read before publishing, so there may be some corrections which will change the word count.
Cayenne (fan name) is a fashionable unicorn pony.
Source
Jalapeños are small green chili peppers.
The mini-cucumber prank I found on the internet. 
From Buzzfeed, proving that the internet isn't necessarily a waste of time (okay, yes it is).
Could I write an actual longer sentence than 506 words? I suspect that I probably could. Should I, though? I think not. After all, THIS IS NOT SOMETHING WHICH REQUIRES ONE-UPPING, BISCUIT
Do it Biscuit, One-up them. You know you want to.
3614619
I don't want to. 506 words is an unbearably long sentence, and there is no limit to how long it could be. It's like counting to infiinity--there's always the next number and the next and the next and the next and so forth. At least the limit of short shipfics was 0; once that was reached, it could go no further.
Nah, too much work to do it.
3614647
Or a reckless disregard of grammar . . . I could control-F all the periods out and have a long, awful run-on sentence.
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~Skeeter The Lurker
I think the real challenge is not to one-up the word count, but to attempt a live reading. 506 words without a breath? Good luck. (Have someone with your local ambulance service on speed dial nearby.)
Having read your blog post and, taking into consideration that the present word count for the longest sentence is presently somewhere around eight hundred words, I find my competitive spirit also fired and, therefore, being so challenged, will now attempt to write a sentence which, if I am successful, will probably, most likely, if not completely either match or surpass the present record of eight hundred plus words, also taking into consideration, and barring grammatic and composition errors of course, should not be a primary consideration whether or not punctuation of one kind or another may be a factor in the construction of said challenging sentence, albeit the length of said sentence being the primary consideration I would have to think that punctuation, beyond the application of appropriately placed commas, would have little to no bearing on said sentence, providing that said sentence does exceed the aforementioned eight hundred plus word limit unless, of course, it is heretofore discovered that, perhaps one, or even more individuals having been possessed of a desire to create a challenge of their own and, being so inspired, should undertake to write a sentence of, perhaps, a thousand words or more, the exception being that there might, perhaps, be an extremely rare individual possessed of such drive and determination that they, by power of their own resolve to do so, has undertaken to produce a single sentence consisting of a minimum of two thousand words in which case it would make the creation and execution of a record breaking sentence all the more difficult to produce unless I should happen to resolve myself to create, and therefore produce for the sake of said aforementioned record, a sentence of such staggering length as to achieve a word count of, perhaps, three thousand or more, unless I should find my self locked deep in the throes of a fit of inspiration of such magnitude and power that I find that, once having started typing the sentence, I then find it almost impossible to stop, which is a very good possibility since, always being inspired and happy to undertake such challenges, I should find myself happily typing well into the night and, perhaps, even into the early morning hours unless, should I find myself energized by consuming sufficient quantities of caffeine, I then find myself in a state whereby, being lulled into a coffee induced and sleep deprivation kind of zombie like state, I should then proceed to continue on indefinitely, typing mindlessly like some insensate, incognative machine, I then simply continue on and on, producing word after word, stringing each word along in either a relatively coherent and, thereby, comprehensable albeit mind-numbingly and eye-glazingly long sentence unless, all cognisance having broken down and vanished by that point, I simply start writing out random, nonsensical strings of words, applying to them a staggeringly indecipherable punctuation which would cause even the most patient English Professor on Earth to thusly and vigorously reach upwards, grabbing fistfulls of their own hair and ripping it out in a stunning display of eye-popping frustration the likes of which would only be seen within the halls of enraged dictators or within the cell of some asylum bound lunatic providing, of course, said Professor would even bother to continue reading past the first five hundred or so word in this stunningly long and amazingly boring sentence but only under such conditions as the aforementioned Professor would even bother reading the thing in the first place and, as is all too common with College and University Professors, would relegate the aforementioned task to some subordinate who would, in due course of time and, perhaps, feeling a sense of duty and obligation to said aforementioned Professor, would then blindly launch headlong into said task, having little more than the merest of clues as to what they had just gotten themselves into unless, of course, that subordinate, being possessed of a keener mind than one who would so blindly blunder into such an amazingly boring and enui inducing task, should then have the wit and sensibility to pay someone else to do the task, taking notes and being careful to point out various and sundry errors and mistakes after which time said lacky could then pass the assignment back to previously stated subordinate who could then pass the completed task on to a lacky of some degree or another who would then proceed to give one final examination of the end result before passing everything back to the the subordinate who, feeling a tremendous sense of relief that the whole thing is finally and completely over, would then pass the aforementioned, previously stated and clearly identified task back to the previously mentioned Professor who would then get back to me informing me in no uncertain terms of what a total, raving madman I must be for having undertaken such an incredibly pointless task in the first place unless, of course, finding it quite amusing, said Professor would then contact me and, with a substantial amount of jocularity, happily regale my effort as, perhaps, the greatest bit of comedic genius to have been produced thus far in the twenty first century unless, of course, lacking the heretofore hoped for and highly anticipated state of jocularity said professor simply takes said enormous waste of time, also known as the world’s longest sentence, and simply and, with a sense of finality seen only by patrol officers writing traffic tickets, happily throws it into the trash, being completely and utterly glad to be entirely done wit the enormous mess which he, unwittingly, allowed himself to become a part of in the first place in which case, had he actually had the sense to consider carefully that which I might or might not have asked him to do, he may well have laughed heartily in my face, snorting and guffawing a few times just for good measure, would then proceed to lecture me on the absolute idiocy of attempting to write a single sentence of eight hundred words or more, very clearly pointing out to me how such a literary construction would not only be an absolute waste of my time and, perhaps, his, should I dare to even suggest his participation in such a thing again, but he would also, and at length and in great detail, show such an effort, no matter how rigorously or resolutely undertaken, would result in no good whatsoever and that I would be wise to focus my energies on more worthwhile and profitable adventures!
With this task completed, I now present you with a sentence of one thousand eighty eight words, not counting those in this last sentence!
3614724
Oh God wall of text.
I cheated on my story. It's a misleading title; it's not a 800+ word sentence because I couldn't bring myself to inflict that in Fimfiction (and yes, I'm well aware of the irony of me saying that).
Also, while it could be done, where do you stop? A two thousand word sentence could be one-upped by a three-thousand word sentence or more. It could ramble on forever, ultimately taking over the whole site.
3614680
See below . . . this is why I dare not make the attempt.
3614703
I don't think it could be done. Perhaps with circular breathing, one could read a long single-sentence story without pause . . . but not in one breath.
3614703
I could do it! Easily!
Your stated rules are simple: whoever does this must NOT take one SINGLE breath during the entire reading! Consider it DONE! (And to make it especially challenging, I'll do it with my very own 1088 word sentence!) 
3614770
I got to "a thousand words or more" before I had to breathe. I could probably double that length with practice, but the whole length?
It's madness. Godspeed, good sir. Godspeed.
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3614790
Thank you, good sir! And you're going to be amazed at how easy it will be for me to do this.
Do it.
3614737
It's the literary equivalent of a parasprite!
Also, if you can play the didgeridoo, you could read it aloud ;)
3614740
Unless there's another variety of circular breathing than the one used by wind musicians, it would be pretty hard to use it to recite a story; the technique is to store air in your puffed-out cheeks and blow that out while breathing in through your nose, and sending that air back through your vocal cords would be a neat trick indeed. Or you could whistle the whole story in a Pirahã translation.
Wikipedia tells me that the longest English sentence is in the 4k to 13k words range. I'm so tempted to just take that 13,000 word one and pony-ize it for upsmanship. Then my brain actually kicks in and tells me that's a stupid idea.
GOD DAMMIT BISCUIT
3614847
I can't do it. It's not a worthwhile payoff. But I think that Present still thinks I actually did, based on his comments.
3615120
Or the computer version of Windows!
3615163
My experience with playing a wind instrument is mostly loud and out of tune. Can you guess which instrument I played in marching band?
3615342
Also potentially against site rules, depending on how much you pony-ized it. Either way, though, it's a stupid idea. This is the kind of contest which you only win if you don't play.
3615361
THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!
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Oh, it would be anything I'd post here.
I read the thing. I didn't say it was fun :)
3752304
Present's 506-word thing, or my thing? Or both?
3752317
I was speaking of Present Perfects one-sentence diddy. But now that you mention it, I do have eyes on the Cayenne story...
3614724 man would have sucked if you accidentally erased that while typing.
3752368
And it's a fair bet to say that now you've read it (mine, that is). Or else you've got a great talent for talking in your sleep.
Incidentally, this presents me with a bit of a dilemma. Usually, I'll put a mention in the story description of a reading. Thus far, I've never had anybody do a reading of one chapter of a collection.
3757194
Smart people have an extra 'story' wherein they type out long responses, and then simply copy-paste them in to the appropriate place.