Transgender. A Funny Little Word... · 2:11pm Dec 10th, 2015
Over the past 2 years, I've noticed the term "Transgender" being passed around more and more often, when before, I personally hadn't heard it at all. It wasn't until about a month ago that I actually learned just what the word meant, and the revelation was... quite surprising to say the least. Particularly that it more or less summed up and defined exactly how I had felt ever since I was a kid.
How I felt about my gender had always been one of my most closely guarded secrets, as I didn't want to be seen as weird (Well, weirder then I already am anyway.) or some kind of freak or perverted or something like that. So I had never really brought it up seriously. Though it was a big surprise when I learnt that how I felt and saw myself was an actual thing, and others feeling the same way was also thing as well. So with some people I have admired or been fans of having been coming out admitting these things, I figured I may as well, too; what with it being seen as more socially acceptable then I thought it would have been.
So there it is.
I'm transgender female.
Ever since I was a kid, I've admired, envied, and been jealous of girls. They had a much better verity of 'cute' clothing that I wish I could wear, but my grandparents quickly showed me they would have none of that when I tried crossdressing when I was little. I didn't even know what crossdressing was back then, I simply liked the clothes. So I was left with those feelings for a majority of my childhood. When I hit puberty, I was even more confused as to my gender, as I didn't particularly "feel" like I was 'one of the guys'. I found myself unable to relate to much of what the other boys would do or say, instead finding myself able to relate and get along much better with girls and their general interests. Such as shopping, fashion, romance and the like. I was also very emotional for a boy my age.
Then there was my sexual orientation, which was quite an adventure of a lot of trail and error to find out exactly what and where my sexual preferences lied. The end result was finding that while I could be physically attracted to the same sex, (Often more physically androgynous or ambiguous looking males.) I couldn't form an emotional attraction or bond, which was rather frustrating considering some of the great people I had met and/or briefly "dated" if you could call it that. But I just couldn't love them, which was something very important to me.
On the other side of the coin, I was both physically and emotionally attracted to, and could connect with, females. Though again my preferences complicated things, considering the girls I was most attracted to where lesbian. Which didn't exactly work with me being a guy. So I'd just joke with myself and sometimes others saying, "I'm a lesbian trapped in a mans body." Which was a lot truer then they realized whenever I said it.
When it came to forms of media entertainment, I found myself very attracted to anime and manga, particularly those with female protagonists and the like, or those focused around little girls. Though not for anything sexual or reasons like that that, but because of envy and my wishing I could have experienced those sorts of things growing up. The "girl" stuff. However I was stuck being the socially awkward, not really fitting in anywhere, boy.
So that's simply how I lived, keeping to myself how I really felt until now, just a little over a month away from my 30th birthday.
Better late then never, right?
I imagine some of you may not care, or ask why am I bringing this up here? To which I say, I simply felt like talking about it openly, publicly. I also changed my name here to reflect my coming out and admitting this, because just I felt like it. "Azu" had always been short for "Azurulia," a name and persona I had used online for who knows how many years now. A name that I very much like the sound of: "Ah-zoo-rue-lia."
This is simply who I am, and who I've actually always been. A boy (girl?) suffering from gender dysphoria from the beginning, without even knowing what it actually was until very recently.
So, I guess that's that then. Nice to meet you all.
Nice to meet you.
Don't worry, we're not going anyway no matter what gender. Long as you're happy, we are too.
Well, that's a thing. Feel better? i.imgur.com/r19vB.png
Oh my goodness Congratulation on working it out!
As someone whose gender identity is all ???!? I gotta be honest I am a little jealous, though I'm missing 4 odd years on you. Good luck! Will you keep us updated on how everything goes?
I didn't know you were part of the group, Azu. Congratulations on the solution!
(And by all means, from the moment you work it out, you can be confident that you are. So as someone who wishes to be recognised as female, that's what you are.)
Hey Azurulia, congrats on coming out. I hope things in the future go well for you. If you ever need any help or advice feel free to join us at Transgender Bronies or LGBT.
Also I love what you and NATOStrike have been doing with Researcher Twilight, keep it up!
It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, my dear Azurulia.
I would like to concur that sentiment, Crimson. It truly is a pleasure to meet you, Azurulia. Honestly, we don't really care what gender you are. As long as you are yourself and you're happy, then it doesn't matter. Hell, Crimson is a demon pegasus with a strange fixation for murder.
Only when I'm extremely angry.
I wouldn't really consider myself transgender, but For longer than I've cared to keep track of, I've always been curious of what it would be like to be a girl.
I'm perfectly content as a straight guy, having tried being bi, and definitively decided it was easier on my mental state to be straight, but the curiosity's always there, wondering whether or not situations would pan out differently, and other such thoughts.
...
I will admit I've been having more of those thoughts lately, but most occur when I get shot down by girls for no other reason than having red hair.
Better a happy woman with a seeming hardware mismatch than a miserable man with feelings of despair. Life is far too short to spend any of it hiding in a closet.
I do know someone with a similar story, about ten years older; her emergence has been slower and more guarded, but the important thing is that it's happening.
Well, hey, good for you.
yeah same
too late to do anything about it now so whatever
i am not going to mutilate myself or tell people to call me something i clearly am not just to make myself feel better
Nice to get reacquainted with you. Honestly it never really mattered to me your gender or sexual identity. Here on the Internet you can never be sure. All that mattered was how you acted and what you did. And since being able to chat with you I've come to the conclusion that you are a kind hearted and creative individual. Just carry on being yourself if that's who you are happy being. Your still a good person to me regardless
Huh. Well, I already thought you were a girl so this changes very little for me.
But good for you.
3608009
Reality is always, always in the eye of the observer, and when it comes to the self, you are only person who can determine it.
3608356 i have cancner
Its nice you were able to figure out who you really are. Don't get discouraged by people in your life who won't agree with you for your choices. In the end, their your own, and if you believe your choices are right, then they are for you.
Have a great day.
3608373
As terrible as that is, that's just one extra layer of a pre-existing time limit, yeah? Why not use the time you have to achieve such things?
3608771 i am already shitposting at maximum rate though
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Thank you everyone.
Though nothing about me is going to magically change. I'm simply coming out to admit something I have known about myself for a long time now. It's only now that I learned exactly what it was called, and that others feelings this was as a legitimate psychological and biological issue in some cases. My case being both, which might be why it wasn't too difficult for me to conclude that something was off about me at an early age. From there it was fine tuning who and what I really was.
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It's a pretty common occurrence really. I am often mistaken for female due to my generally calm and easy going nature, mixed in with my almost excessive cheeriness at times and near gushing love for the cute and adorable.
I don't mind though, obviously. I'm indifferent as far as what gender people address me as, as I've been addressed as both so much that either way I still see it as myself.
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I had always seen you as such, I'd have honestly never guessed otherwise. So I'll just continue to stick with that.
As for myself? Either works really, as in a sense, I am technically both depending on how you look at it. I'm not about to ask others to address me a certain way after having been how I am all this time, so I'll just leave that up to whomever to decide whatever they wish to say.
3607637
I joined the Transgender group, but I hadn't planned on joining the LGBT group, as I am not one to openly broadcast what I am or believe in unless asked or deemed relevant. But then I saw that it was formed and managed by you, so I changed my mind and joined anyways.
So whats your story if you don't mind my asking? Assuming there is one to tell.
As for Researcher Twilight, the next chapter is already underway and being written as we speak.
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For me the different body would be a comfort thing. That the outside would finally match the inside. The more sexual aspect of it would be... just a bonus I guess?
However I'm not about to "transition" and have any means taken to change my sex, as I'd only see that as fooling myself into thinking I am something that even then I was not. All or none at all I say, which isn't currently possible. Though if I could simply snap my fingers and become wholly female, I wouldn't even think about it nor hesitate for even for the briefest of moment before doing so. As I belive thats what I should have been in the first place.
However we are forced to play the hands we are dealt, nothing we can do about that but roll with the punches.
Hmm, quick life story?
Didn't know I was trans until the age of 20, I am 24 now and have been presenting myself as female for more than three years now. I didn't get into the fandom until a year into transitioning, with the time that has passed I can say life has been better and I can comfortably be myself, which to be honest has not changed that much when I was a dude.
Great to hear, best of luck with writing!
Edit: Also thanks for joining the groups, as I said earlier feel free to make a thread if you ever need help/advice.
Clarify, please. You're saying you're bisexual with an appreciation for the grace and beauty of the female gender?
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So I'll stick to regarding you as a she from before, seeing as that has been your goal and what you have aimed to achieve.
As far as myself, I wouldn't know the first thing about "presenting" myself as female, as the very logically driven mind of mine immediately spouts endless errors as my sex and "gender" wouldn't match up.
Plus I'd feel as if I were lying. So that's a moral grey area I haven't even thought to step into until just now actually.
On a side note, I like the direction of your avatars evolution over the past few years or so. Something about it has always stuck out and left an impression that I always remembered. Though I've never gone out of my way to speak about it or to you, as I am in fact a rather shy person when approaching others.
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I'm going to venture a guess that you are unfamiliar with what transgender means?
To simplify it, I guess you could say that I am essentially a female mind and spirit within a male body. I don't "feel" that I am a male deep down, but rather a female that was simply given the wrong sex by birth; or simply a "Woman trapped in a mans body" quite literally.
As far as my sexual orientation, I am 'straight' (With physical bi-curious tendencies.) as a male, but homosexual as a female (With... heterosexual-curious? tendencies.)
Though to be exact, as a transgender female (or transwoman) I am technically homosexual, as I prefer women both physically and emotionally. However the fact that I have a male body makes me straight at a glance, when it reality it just seems that way.
...it's a bit complicated.
3608888
That's one activity, and you can delegate your efforts to other things.:P
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It's up to you, honestly, how you wish to present yourself. Identity is within one's own mind, and it's true~
3609906
I don't think you'd be lying. The discrepancy between sex and gender is a conflict between the anatomical and the pysche, with the former being possible to change and when in harmony with the latter tends to bring content. Essentially, you're what you feel you are, and people should take you by your word when you express such.:3 (But you know that, right?) There are various way to go about doing so.
3609177 At least it happened now instead of later.
You said it sister. I'd hug ya if I could (and ya wanted it) but hey, have a text response from an E-nobody. xP
I stumbled across this little blog just now and since I haven't been following you since Colors of the Heart went on hiatus, I haven't had the chance to read it.
But looking back on what Prism went through in the story, its no wonder I still get feels. I have a best friend who has a lot of similar problems to Prism. And I'm determined to help her and in some small way, get my best friend back.
As for what you just stated, wow. I never though I'd meet anyone who would be willing to open up about themselves enough to say they were transgender. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I just feel like you must feel proud of yourself, now that you can live freely and not worry about what anyone else thinks.
I never had a sister, even though I am female. I failed to fit in with other girls. Mostly because I felt that I wasn't pretty enough or smart enough or good enough. But mostly because most girls my age are kinda..boring. They're not all that mature and hardly know how to hold up an intelligent conversation without having to use comparisons.
Even though I'm only young and most people would assume that I don't have much life experience, I just want say one thing:
Be who you are and embrace the beauty of that human being. Because only you can be that person and that person is the most special, most amazing and most incredible person in the universe.
Kind Regards,
- A
Ha, jokes on you, buddy! We already thought you're a weird, perverted freak, and it has absolutely nothing to do with gender!
3621619
You and the rest of our MDA guys don't count.
So your just a guy with gender dysphoria.