Fallout 4, Days 3-6: My Name May Be Atlas, But I Still Need a Map!

WHO DESIGNED THIS PLACE???

Everywhere I look, it's trash, trash, trash! And only about one out of every ten pieces of trash is useful to me! See this pencil? I turned it into a fence post! This toy car? It lives in my pistol's scope! I SHOT A BUG, IT TURNED TO GOO, AND NOW ITS GOO-BLOOD LIVES IN MY TWELVE-STORY MANSION.

And yet, despite having literally the entire world under EACH and EVERY STEP, I find myself lost so often that I might as well keep jabbing pencils into the ground just to stay productive. WHAT IS THIS PLACE?

*Takes a moment*

*Takes five more*

Do you KNOW what kind of MESS I have BEEN THROUGH this last week?

First, Piper stole sweets for me. No, wait, FIRST was talking Notsworth and Dogtofu (Dogmeat totally stole my duo-band idea, which means he betrayed me, and meat that betrays me is no meat at all) into not starting any band without me there. SECOND was Piper stealing sweets for me. She can be awful cute, but I swear she keeps lockpicks in her hair JUST for when we come across a locked desk! Then we had to track down a detective - tell me that isn't ironic! - only to find out he's got a wicked bad rash. The Copperbros came back in a GIANT FLYING HOUSE and proceeded to shoot anything had fewer than one-thousand strands of hair. God help those lost souls who shaved their heads.

Meanwhile, I had to dive into an old army base, where a bunch of malfunctioning PDA units were hanging out, just to discover that my son is nowhere to be found. There was a very helpful man there, though, and he gave me a chance to pick his brain for a few leads. Just my luck that I needed the rash-man trash can to track down those leads. By the time we found a few answers, I swear I was being haunted.

Also I built a chair for an old friend of mine. She was grateful, but soon forgot I was there because she needed to take her medicine. What a precious gem.

Okay, so it wasn't ALL bad. I made a bunch of new friends, found a whole year's worth of magazines to read (funny, they all only have their covers...), broke up a fighting ring, ran through a church like a schoolkid, and got to ride in a fighter plane. But even then, there's a whole lot of TRASH to sift through, isn't there? Like the Mirelurks.

Dirty, soggy Mirelurks. Tryin' to lurk right out of the mires. Blew those bastardiles up, is what I did...

No, Piper, I don't want your cola. Yes, because it gives me a headache. Stop asking. Look, I gave you a bandana, just play with it and leave me alone for five minutes, please?

Hmmph. I did find one very interesting place, though. The source of those radiation storms, which was good because my third ear fell off some time ago and I've wanted a new one. But even THAT place is a tofu, because it claims to be a sea but there's no water. Plenty of fish, though. At least I hope those were fish. Anyway, now I'm off to school to track down a bully from seventh grade. He made fun of me because he had glue and I didn't. Meanie. Here's hoping for a productive meeting.

Assuming another invisible King 'Lurk doesn't come running in and sharing the ears off me again.

~Leo Atlas, Garbage-man On Strike

P.S.: Did you know that if you see a giant green man running at you, and he has a balloon under his arm, shooting the balloon will cause confetti to come out? Not just out of the balloon, either.