Important I'll Do Anything for You Status Update · 10:03pm Nov 12th, 2015
Updates after the break. If you don't read blog posts about stories, please read this one as it is very important and explains a lot in regard to my story.
Updates List:
1: I'm splitting up Chapter 2 into two separate chapters. The first part will focus solely on Scootaloo and her parents, and will end with her hoping that Rainbow'll save her in the nick of time.
2: The second part, which is going to become Chapter 3, will focus on Rainbow and Twilight. I'm going to significantly change the ending, and to do that, I'm going to cut out the last 1k words of the chapter and replace it with new content. It's probably not going to be as long as what I had written originally, but it'll push the story in a new direction that I think will please everyone.
3: A new direction, hm? Yes! Instead of resolving the conflict (Twilight's and Rainbow's relationship strain) within the chapter, I'm going to keep it going. On top of that, after Rainbow brings Scootaloo home from the hospital, Twilight and Rainbow are going to struggle with different parenting methods. This will give me what I need to move forward with my outline.
4: In case you're wondering, Scootaloo's (I try not to say real parents, mainly because I consider Twilight and Rainbow to be Scootaloo's real parents) old parents do escape, and will reappear later in the story. For those of you who simply cannot fathom how they manage to escape, I had left the length of time that passes between them leaving the home and Twilight finding Scootaloo up in the air, thinking that everyone would simply assume that it was long enough for them to escape. If I had wanted Scootaloo's parents caught, trust me, I would have made that obvious.
5: Once the changes are made, I will put the story back to Incomplete and progress will begin anew.
Changes should be up later tonight or tomorrow. I'll make another blog post saying when I made the changes. If I make any changes to what I mentioned above, I'll be sure to detail it in the next blog post.
I had no problem with the old parents showing up when they did. It made sense considering the distance between Ponyville and Canterlot. Just as long as they get it good in the end.
I post these not to criticize, but just to give you items to consider:
1. With the parents having just escaped jail, their house would be the first place the royal guard would stake out. How do the parents get past whoever is on guard/watching the house? For that matter, how does Scootaloo?
2. There's no way the parents would know that Scootaloo was at the house; what did they return there--and risk recapture--to retrieve?
3. Why is there a strain on Twilight and Rainbow's relationship?
Again, items to consider when writing, these are not me asking you the questions.
You do what you think is necessary.
We're all behind you.
3538273 Twilight hadn't learned of their escape until days after it happened. House wouldn't have been put in lockdown due to her having thought they were still in jail. As for them finding Scootaloo in their old home it was all pretty much just bad luck on her part, and I guess good luck on theirs.
3538273
In this story, the royal guards do not have jurisdiction over the prison that Scootaloo's old parents were staying in. This prison is on the edge of the city, far away from the castle. The royal guards stay only at the castle, protecting the princesses and their home. Remember the letter from Celestia in the first chapter? Celestia only just learned of Scootaloo's old parents escaping days after they escaped, and that's because the prison guards thought they could find the parents on their own.
As for the royal guards staking out the house, Celestia's orders were to go to Twilight's house immediately to secure the princess and then do what she says. There were no guards watching the house, because who would stand guard over an empty house? You don't see police officers standing guard in front of convicted and imprisoned criminals' homes, do you?
As for Scootaloo getting past somepony there, there was never anyone there to begin with.
Personal belongings that would help them survive on the run. They have nothing at all, and wanted to retrieve some clothes, blankets, really whatever they could find. This would have become apparent in later chapters.
Because Rainbow focuses in on finding Scootaloo, blocking out everything and everypony else. She fails to notice how sensitive Twilight is, especially when she needs her the most.
3538308
These were really just points I was hoping you'd consider in the story, answering as they go along. For example: Scootaloo could hear her parents talk about grabbing the necessities when they broke in, maybe a few personal items to humanize (ponyize?) them a little bit. Not questions I was directly asking you.
That being said.
This is going to cause somepony to hang (metaphorically). I can't even imagine the shit storm when they realize this happened because somepony was trying to cover their ass. Not only did they allow her parents to escape, they then tried to cover it up? Holy shit. TBH, I didn't remember that part.
I like the concept, please proceed but take your time!
3538340 I know, but you brought up good points, so I decided to answer them fully just in case anybody else wanted the answers or needed clarification.
just saying all you had to do is have twilight recognize the tripwire spell and the shit storm wouldn't have happened.
YAY! THE BEST STORY EVER IS BACK!!!
IM SO FUCKIN' HAPPY! THANK YOU SO MUCH ABYSS, I LOVE YOU MAN!!!
I'm glad you decided where you wanted to go with this. Personally I didn't have a problem with the original, but if you think these changes will improve the story or make you happier with it, I'm all for it.
I believe 'sires' would be an appropriate word.
Sorry but this is pretty much what got me to leave your story (several others) in the first place. The outright incompetence of Equestrian legal system and law enforcement depicted here (and so many other places) was starting disgust me too much for me to keep reading. The level of incompetence depicted is so bad that I see no reason to even have any laws to begin with. No one is enforcing them.
First those pieces of shit (Scootaloos old parents) get away with what is clear foal abuse for over 10 years and then when they finally get sent to jail they escape in less than 2 years (if I understood correctly). And then it takes a week to inform the most likely victims of their very much likely revenge (enough time for the criminals to get near said victims). This all speaks of far more extensive issues with the way things are handled.
What you have depicted as law enforcement is not capable of performing their duties in the mildest times. That a nation would still be able to stay stable with this level of stupidity and incompetence among those who are supposed to protect the civilians is incomprehensible to me. They have failed on so many levels and with clearly no improvements that I simply couldn't keep reading.
Sorry for ranting like that. And if I seem angry. The inconsistency that is capabilities of Equestrian Guard forces just pisses me off. No government can keep itself stable unless it can enforce it's own laws and keep anarchy at bay. It seems that to me that people actually think Celestia personally enforced every law and caught every criminal for 1000 years.
Finally, gee!
I don't know how I managed to live without this story. Gotta say, good to know that you have a firm concept on what to do. The outlined approach over all sounds like it's gonna take care of the issue nicely.
3539597 Woah, you're severely misinformed, man. Let's clear some things up.
There isn't any law enforcement in Ponyville. As the show depicts it, they have no need for police officers to keep the peace because their land is already peaceful. Crime is very rare in Equestria, and everypony abides by the law. Since there's nopony to actually enforce these laws, at least not right away, your claim of incompetence falls up short.
Pretty much, yeah. Scootaloo was too afraid to tell anyone for fear of retribution from her parents, so she kept quiet, hiding everything from everypony she knew.
Technically, you are correct in the point that they do escape in less than two years. In the first paragraph of the epilogue in the sequel, I mention that the parents had only been there for three weeks.
No, it doesn't. Like I showed in the first chapter of the sequel (the letter from Celestia), Celestia explains that the parents escaped a few days ago AKA three days ago. Like I explained in an earlier comment, the prison guards thought that they would be able to locate Scootaloo's old parents on their own, but when they realized that they couldn't do so, that's when they contacted Celestia about it. The prison guards are also not related to the Royal Guards in any way, by the way.
I haven't written anything whatsoever about law enforcement. I've had Celestia and Luna send some of their own personal guards to assist a fellow princess, Twilight in this case, and like I mentioned above, there is no standing police force. Ponyville, even though it has to deal with strange occurrences, never has to deal with crime, so why have a police force?
It's all good. I think these "inconsistencies" of yours is due to our differing perceptions of what we believe the guard/police force to be. I agree with you that no government would be able to keep itself stable (lol, stable. XP) when it cannot enforce its own laws. But, do keep in mind that Scootaloo's case went unnoticed for years because they lived on the far outskirts of town. On top of that, Scootaloo kept quiet about everything up to the point where Dash found her under her house in the prequel. So because of this rare circumstance, nobody knew anything about what was going on save for the ponies that were actively doing it (the abusing/being abused). Also, I've never mentioned anything of a standing police force in my story. Since police ponies don't appear in the show, I'm not going to write them in my story. On top of that, whenever the law needs to be enforced, AKA somepony has to get arrested, the royal guards are always the ones doing that, as that would be a special case.
Does this help clear things up? I sure hope so, because I have grand plans for this story. ^^
3539669
No guard presence in the town right next one (or two depending on how common the Diamond Dogs are) of the most dangerous areas within the nations borders. I know the show simplifies things to nth degree but I would like to think that people would understand how stupid that is. Even if they are never shown in the show, having no guards for a town is idiotic. Furthermore, every sapient being following the laws. That is generalizing a few species so broadly and arrogantly I'm actually surprised.
That is already a violation of every single prison protocol made by halfway competent being with authority over the prison. Proven to be dangerous and unstable criminals escape and the guard decide to keep it to themselves. Damn idiots that should face court for willfully endangering public safety.
OK, that's my mistake. I didn't remember the time scale right. But the point above still stands.
In the prequel there were criminal records for Scootaloos old parents behavior (that I pointed out in comments for that story in the later chapters) that any halfway responsible foal services official would have reacted to to take Scootaloo in custody. Years old. The situation wasn't hidden from the officials. They just decided not to do anything about it. I already wrote several rants about this in the prequel comment section. Please don't make me dig them all up.
The fact that you are even asking this is making me question just how idealistic idiots you think the ponies are. An official forces (like police and in Equestria the guard but includes also firemen, army etc) has 3 extremely important jobs in a society.
The first is being visible in their job so as to discourage criminal behavior by showing that yes the laws are being enforced and at the same time assuring innocents that they are being protected.
The second is to be an reactionary force when something goes wrong. With the guard and especially police that means that they react to criminal activity. To be a reactionary force they need to reach the problem site fast enough to either deal with the situation or stop it from escalating while calling for re-enforcements. Basically you are saying that Ponyville, the place where one of the national security wise most important groups of ponies (Elements of Harmony) is living, doesn't deserve to be protected. Are you fucking kidding me? You are basically saying that a town that can be considered one of the tactically important places with some of the highest risks around is not going to have a protective force. Seriously...
The third is to ensure that, when a situation does arrive where they are called to duty, the situation does not escalate into anarchy or mob justice. For example that someone is accused of murder or thievery the law enforcement of any civilized nation is responsible for making sure the locals don't just lynch the poor bastard before an investigation and a fair trial.
EDIT: This basically means that the guard protects the civilians from the criminals, but also the criminals from civilians with (quite often misdirected) a lot of anger born from fear or hate.
The show not showing any law enforcement is simple to explain. It is meant for little kids. Some of the things that the main 6 have done in the show would have landed them in jail in any other circumstances. Smarty Pants incident comes to mind. Mind control (almost a mind rape) like that is a disgusting thing even if this time no one got hurt too badly (or at least the show didn't tell of any one). Twilight got a slap on the wrist if even that. Far too lenient.
I guess the problem I have with this story is that I view the responsibilities of law enforcement differently and demand more from them.
I really need to stop ranting like this. It is not good for my blood pressure.
EDIT: couple of typos.