The Dams Broke -- The Real Reason for the Hiatus · 1:31am Nov 12th, 2015
Sorry to admit this...
College just broke me. I'm unsure about my major. I've had anxiety attacks for the past three months and a history of them for the past five years. When writing A Slave's Freedom, I have had thoughts of suicide (if you didn't get the undertones, they are in Dark and Hunger chapters]. I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry I'm damaged goods. But I'm damaged enough to recognize that I do have self-worth, so there's that. I talk myself out of suicide all the time, and even if I wanted to do it, I've already seen how its effected other families and friends. So this isn't me telling you that I'm killing myself, nor is it me telling you that I want to do the deed, but I'm letting you know that I need to see a counselor, and that I am a victim of anxiety attacks, premonitions of others who had suicide (so far one has been truthful, the rest not) and now, a lost man who doesn't know what he wants in life. I'll find the road again, I promise. I just... need to figure out how much worth an English degree is, and figure out if computer sciences and programming is my niche. I like Math too, just... not as much.
...
I also promise that I'll get help this time. Counselors galore... I may need a couple of visits...
Who am I kidding, probably fifteen again. Ugh... If they suggest MLP to me again, I swear, I will blog about it immediately. Gah! And if they put me on meds... I don't want them. I really don't.
I love you all, so I just had to tell you. Sometimes us authors are hiding something about us. This is what I was hiding. Sometimes, helpers need helping hands too. I like helping, but... I think I need help too. Lots of it. Just... where to start. Where do I belong? I'll figure it out while I remain in hiatus. I'll be on to reply and embrace you all with hugs. So many hugs.
Much love,
Soaring.
Before I forget, let me say that I love writing A Slave's Freedom regardless of the feelings I get. It's my masterpiece. It just brings up... memories and suicidal thoughts. But I can't stop writing it, because I love it so much. When authors get attached to writing something, they'll write it until they bury their own graves. I know where I want to end it, and where the middle is, so I know how long this baby will last. My other babies, which I have decided on, will be also written. All these stories are personal to me. That's why I love symbolism. And that's why I love to write.
Relax, we understand. College can be a bastard on its own, then add more to it and it's not a good recipe. Take your time, we'll be here for you.
Take deep breaths. I don't know from experience, but my cousin had a hard time in collage. So, he took a small break to rekindle his thoughts and then went back.
If you don't know what to major in, I'm sure you can talk to one of your professors about it. Also, maybe ask around to see what other people are majoring in.
UUUUH I understand since I'm also a college student, though is university in my case XD
Anyways the way i deal with the stress and anxiety is doing more than 2 hours of Gym everyday
Soaring...
So much of this I understand. There's an empathetic mare's ear here for you if you need it.
~Noir
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Thanks Noir... I'm still havin' my attack so I'm not sure if I can focus all too well. I just told my parents and now they're concerned about my sleeping habits and...
I don't know if I'll be sleeping tonight either. I can't stop shaking.
3537091 I'm up all night due to work. You can DM me on Twitter or message me here.
Incoming cuddles!
derpicdn.net/img/2013/2/13/241698/medium.jpg
--Sweetie Belle
We all love you, Soaring. I know I do especially; you've been a great friend and a great tutor for me during my period of writing on Fimfiction. I'm just a kid, still a couple of years away from college, but I can tell you that we all can expect the most beautiful of things from you, and that wherever you go, we'll always be by your side.
Thanks for being here with us,
Xavier.
Boy, college is such... I know how you feel at least in that department, I hope.
Best of wishes to you, my friend.
If you EVER need to talk, I'm willing to lend an ear bro. You have my skype, hit me up if you need someone to vent or talk to. You're in my prayers dude!
#LoveU2Soaring.
I think I have you on twitter actually.
As for the money problems, rob a bank. maybe not in real life but if you give Payday a shot you could have a bit of fun.
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I heard that game is fun as heck. Problem is is that my free time is nearly nil.
However, I have this "addiction" to CS:GO... Might have to trade that off for Payday. :D
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Babeeeee. I'm glad I inspire you.
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i.imgur.com/AlB9kPX.gif
Cuddles!
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Hunch that this attack was caused by over-consumption of coffee/hot chocolate. My heart was racing and I was definitely losing. :D
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I should go to the gym...
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Still going to be doing my current dual major since I'm so deep into the track (3 years). Plus, just found out that my school's funding is nearly gone 8 million dollars in cuts alone. That's a great thought.
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that's a lot of money.