Being Human Confuses Me · 2:34pm Nov 8th, 2015
I might be human, but I am still really confused about how humans are supposed to act.
This is in part that I have a connection with the supernatural you might say and spend more time interacting with that 'realm' than with other human beings.
But beyond that, I have a genetic disorder which makes it so I can't have children. So I wouldn't know what it is like to be a parent. I was never interested in having kids anyway. I was actually kind of relieved to find out I had this disorder, as weird as that might sound.
Anyway, I've always felt awkward around kids. I've been hanging out with supernatural things my entire life. Basically, normal human relationships are kind of strange to me, despite the age.
A lot of you might not know this, but I am married. I have been for some time now. But even that is a weird situation I can't really go into full detail about. We'll just say it is supernatural too. But I'll just go with the explanation that he is a teacher overseas. Sigh. Why can't my life be normal?
Sometimes I think I am the only person like this in the world. But then I happen to meet other people like me and realize I'm not alone. But I still run from human relationships because I am insecure.
I guess it is because so many people have rejected me because I am different. It really left an impact so no matter how many people try to get close to me, I will always avoid them or try to push them away.
One of the biggest events that triggered this was a guy I dated a while back. My supernatural side came out by chance while dating him and he was scared. He pushed me away, blocked me from everything, and said I was crazy. We haven't talked since. I know it was a while ago, but I still feel insecure. Then basically my whole family disowned me because of my crazy step-dad's lies and also because I'm not 'normal'.
When you are rejected your whole life, it is hard to have confidence in yourself. But that being said, I do try to make as many friends as I can. I never let people get too close. I don't want to be rejected for being weird like I have been with everyone else. But at least I make the attempt. i think that at the end of the day, that is what counts.
Anyway, being human is hard. If anyone tells you otherwise, then be suspicious about their origins. For real.
If nothing, I must agree with you....
But hey! Music, remember?
3529372 Yes! Music, art, writing, and all of the creative arts connect all of our hearts together throughout space and time.
Annnnd thaaaat was my philosophical moment of the day. ^0^ How did I do?
3529373
I must agree, again ^^
See? Just be optimistic!
Go optimism!
3529375 I'm usually highly optimistic. I'm just a complete shut-in who lacks social skills due to my unique gifts that kind of set me apart from most people. :P But I try anyway.
Your not alone.
Being human is very hard, but also easy. Humans, at their core, are good, but are so easily influence by the stuff around them that they sometimes take a wrong turn. Most humans are also judgmental. They expect everything to happen on their terms and can't accept that they can't control everything. There are very few humans I know who aren't afraid to admit, "Hey, I'm over 18 and I still watch cartoons and I don't find anything wrong with that." Or, "I'm into unnatural and unrealistic stuff." And it is equally hard to find people that accept that. I used to be constantly teased by a classmate back in middle school who I told I was a fan of Sonic the Hedgehog and Bakugan (while it still made sense). I did not hear the end of it for the next two weeks. Then I meet someone else in another school who takes interest in the TV series I'm coming up with. Adjusting to such and accepting person became hard after enduring three years of constant nagging about most of the stuff I was into.
It's hard being what a human should be because it feels so much easier and less stressful to be like everyone else. But I always remember a quote:
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Naïve, I know. But someone's got to be positive.
3529377
They're only jealous! ;)
Don't pay attention to them! :))
3529381 Thank you for the encouraging words. Just so you know, you aren't alone either. ^_-
3529391 ...
3529385 I think that in life you will always meet people who you can reach an understanding with. In my own life, I have met other people who have interesting supernatural gifts and these people have become my closest friends.
It's the same thing with liking cartoons, anime, comics, and manga. I happen to be in my late twenties and I still love all of this stuff. I feel that cartoons, anime, comics, manga, and etc. sometimes have deeper storylines than a lot o the live action movies or television shows that are out there these days. If people can't agree with that, well, that's their problem.
I've gotten to the point where I feel this way about a lot of things in life. But due to being rejected because of my connection with supernatural things most of my life, it is still kind of a touchy subject for me. Because with that, it challenges what people think they know, so they view me as a threat. And let's say that some people have been harsher than others when they learned everything about me.
But despite all of this, I still want to be friends with people and reach out and be accepted. This is part of being human too. ^-^
3529388 I think that people are jealous of things they don't have a connection with. The thing is, that anyone can have a connection with the supernatural side of things if they look for it. Some people are more naturally inclined than others, but everyone can learn. So everyone is special in their own way and just has to look inside to find their own unique gifts and talents. This relates to things that aren't supernatural in origin as well (like writing, drawing, etc.)
3529402 Internet hugz to you. ^0^
Being normal is BORING.
3529406 Connection with supernatural stuff tends to have some... conflicting impressions. I usually talk to myself. Like full on conversations. So I tend to get that look from people who notice. I actually sometimes wish I could see supernatural stuff. It might explain whether I'm actually leaving the microwave open, or if a hobgoblin is actually hoping it hits me whenever I turn around to leave the kitchen.
My religion also brings up controversies on the topic, but I general, I've always found it fascinating. Hence, my in depth knowledge of stuff like werewolves, vampires, ghosts, yadda yadda yadda has held conversation with very few people unless it was in a movie. I generally like stuff that is unrealistic, mostly because I don't like being bounds by... well, anything. My mind literally can't stay still when it comes to that! But naturally, not popular. It's a known fact that in most cases, if people can't explain or control something, they find it hard to accept. Hence why scientists tend to remove religion from whatever they do; it brings up too many questions they can't answer.
As for me? I quite frankly stopped caring what most people think a while ago because every time I thought about it, I realized it wasn't actually helpful. I'm different. It is biologically near impossible for two people to have the exact same view toward every topic. The point of that is to come up with better ideas. If the Wright Bros. had listened to everyone who said they were crazy and that a flying machine was impossible, we'd still be using trains and ships to travel across continents.
3529424 I agree. We can all be in thee abnormal club together. We can own out title and never be bored. That will be our motto. ^_-
3529428 I am personally a spiritual person. I grew up in a very abusive environment, so I always hung out at my friends' houses to escape the oppression. This lead to me being 'adopted' by many different families. And hence I was taken to many different churches; everything from Hindu to Buddhist to Islamic to Mormon to Jewish. Really, I've been to about every religion out there. And I felt that all of them had something valid to bring to the table and learn from.
But I never felt quite connected with being bound by any particular belief, based on what I could see since I was young that didn't quite fit in with anything. So I consider myself a spiritual person, who believes in a higher power and the spiritual aspects of the universe, but isn't confined by any particular belief system. I even consider science to be a type of belief system. Some parts of it are useful, and some are always evolving/ changing along with people's view of the universe. It's all the same to me.
3529435 Interesting. I have my beliefs, but I respect everyone else's. I'm not going to say, "Izanagi and Izanami are not real. The only higher power is the one in my religion." As far as I'm concerned, all religions are the same, but different people interpret it in different ways. Some believe there's only one, others believe there are many, each of whom serve a function. Some believe in one name, other believe it/he/she is called something else.
We all have our beliefs, but to me, it's all pretty much the same thing with different ways of seeing it.
3529424 I could hug you right now!
For what it's worth, I think you're really cute and find this piece of news water under the bridge. A gifted life is exactly what it is; the personality of the person is what's most important and what should be focused on, not what gifts they've been given.
You have a gift, but that is not you. You are Emma, and you are optimistic and nerdy and adorbz and a really cool person. Your gift may influence your outlook, or how you present yourself, or how you deal with a situation, but at the core, you are still you, and that is someone that is worth something.
Whenever I read things like this, I find it almost... empowering. Nature, survival of the fittest, dictates we procreate as much as possible; someone who doesn't fixate on such things is, in a way, above nature--whether it be by necessity or by choice, which appears to be some of both in your case. I wish I could push past that fixation, but I am remarkably like everyone else; I have difficulty seeing over the barrier which almost all of us are trapped behind.
Even so, it is only natural to yearn the company of another. I can see simply by this blog post's existence that you aren't necessarily happy with your lot in life. In that respect, I hope you find someone who cares about you and deserves you. Everyone deserves happiness, and if yours can be found in a partner to share your world with, then my hope is that you will find that partner someday soon.
I have to admit, with how much you appreciate nerd culture, I'm surprised that you haven't been getting swooned over and found someone able to keep up with you yet. Were I in a position to get to know you better, you bet your biscuits I would pursue it. Friends first and foremost, though. No funny business unless we were to mutually agree on such a thing.
Also a bit late on that for me, seeing as I'm not single...
3529462 The interesting thing to me is that all religions have one God at their center (who is on top) and other lesser gods (that could be interpreted as Gods, forces of nature, angels, or etc). So they all say more or less the same thing. I think that things like belief should unify us, not divide us. We spend so much time arguing over the small details that we forget all of the things that unify us and make us the same as everyone else.
This is why I have chosen a spiritual path. I see a higher power in everything and it manifests itself in different ways, based on people's cultural background, personal experiences, and religious upbringing. It is many different ways essentially of viewing the same thing.
3529488 I appreciate your encouraging words. They mean a lot. And I feel the same way about you as well. You are a great friend that I am glad I have had the privilege to get to know on this site.
As I mentioned in my blog, I do have a significant other (husband) but I am just in a unique situation that causes us not to be able to see each other all of the time.
This is next part is kind of copy pasted from some other conversations I have had (so anyone I have shared this with in other messages, I mean no offense. It is just easier to explain this to like twelve people this way. Please understand. ^-^)
It would probably take a long time to explain everything that sets me apart, but since a young age I have has a lot of supernatural abilities, such as seeing the unseen, predicting future events, and other types of abilities probably people wouldn't believe. :P
Aside from this stuff, I grew up in a highly conservative family that was also very abusive. My step-dad abused me emotionally and physically. I was always apart from other family members as a form of abuse so no one ever got a chance to know me. But they all had their own problems too. That is a long story. Anyway, I left the house about five years ago, and that was when my mom divorced my step-dad. He took my younger sister out of the house and I haven't seen her since. Then the rest of the family turned their back on my mom and I, saying we were bad when we were the ones being abused. Since then, we have been on the run from my step dad. It's a long complicated story. But it has been hard.
So anyway, my husband came into the picture while I was getting my degree. He isn't avoiding me. It is just safer not to be around me or my mom at the moment due to my step dad. So you can see that we have kind of a different relationship based on my life circumstances. I had a lot of friends abandon me too because they didn't understand my life situation and thought I was to blame for a lot of things. During this adventure my grandfather, grandmother, and uncle on my mom's side all passed away but we weren't allowed to go to their funerals because we were cut off from the family. My step grandmother on my step dad's side passed away as well and we couldn't go to her funeral either. It has been a difficult emotional journey. But my mom and I are both just taking it a day at a time.
I believe I have gone through these things to help other people and let them know that they are not alone. People ultimate go through things to help other people. So if I can give back to other people based on what I've gone through, I am glad that I've faced so much adversity. :)
3529415 Thank you!
3529500 You are very welcome. I am always here if you want to talk. Trust me, I've seen a lot of interesting things in life. So I'm always here to listen if you want to share. ^_-
3529502 Okay!
Same thing back to you!
3529489 Such is the irony of life, that what is meant to draw us together divides us.
It's in everything!
3529509 Well thanks. I appreciate the support. :)
3529513 It is better to reach out and try to understand people than to label them and judge them. I think we go through hard times to help people who are going through something similar. ^_- Our own weaknesses can be turned around to become other people's strengths.
3529495
I guess I omitted that detail based on the rest of the imagery. You were lamenting how lonely you feel sometimes in your blog, I thought... despite having a husband. You can't blame me for missing that. 
Oh yeah, you do have a husband.
You have certainly gone through much more than I have. It makes me very happy to know that, despite all that, you still come out smiling on top.
Storms will inevitably pass, and sunny skies will eventually return; when that happens, nobody knows, because, you know, it's the weather, and who knows where the weather goes? I maintain consistent optimism with that outlook, but I admittedly have not had a very rough life, so perhaps it seems easy to stay so optimistic to the outsider. It's not. 
3529550 I always try to look at the positive side of life. I think sometimes we can all get hung up on the details about what is in our past or what makes us 'weird', 'different', or 'stand out'. But at the end of the day, I believe that we all go through difficult times to reach out and help other people who are going through the same types of things. We are all unique so we can share are unique talents and experiences with other people. The world is a more interesting and lively place this way. :)
3529526 I agree and I agree. You see, THIS is how humans should be!
3529568 We can set the example for other people by being the type of people who love, understand, and care for others in our own lives. ^_-
3529584 Well, looks like we have a head start!
3529608 We shall lead everyone into a new world off hugs, cuddles, and getting along. When we aren't being goofy or weird or eh, having martial arts tournaments or sword fighting tournaments or something. Huzzah!
3529633
Now that is a world I can live in!
3529646 Also a world with dragons, griffons, and other fantasy creatures as pets. I've seen them. They exist. And one day, everyone shall have them as pets. Huzzah!
3529655 I'll get a dragon. NO... a Nightfury!
Then we'll have dragon races! We'll explore the skies and built floating island cities powered by arc reactors, solar energy, and good vibes!
3529664 Yes! The future is looking bright. :)
3529710 Indeed. Tis a glorious one to look forward to.
3529714 It was only a matter of time before we turn into a fantasy world. Long live all of the fairies, elves, dragons, griffons, unicorns, crytids, fantasy creatures in general, magic, etc. that has been forgotten and is yet to be rediscovered.
3529724 It was, wasn't it?
But it does sound more fun and more exciting, so it's allowed. ;)
3529738 That is kind of what I see on a daily basis. But someday it will be normal for everyone. ^_- But then it makes you wonder, will fantasy stories become slice of life adventures? :P
3529742 Cool. And it's possible. It'd be an adventure for everyone! I'd like to see how the world would react to their skies being painted with dragons and elves and fairies and pixies taking care of the forests. Nature lovers will go completely bonkers!
3529760 Will catching fairies for wishes become a hobby? Will dragon riding competitions become a thing? Join us on another episode of 'fantasy worlds' to discover the truth! Exclusive interviews with Santa, the Easter Bunny, and Dracula coming soon.
3529774 I promise, give me less than 24 hours and I'll make a group for this! I'm serious!
I just need to find a good banner and picture!
3529779 We should make a group for all of the paranormal people on the site to congregate and be strange together on. :P
3529784 I'm down for that! Like I said, less than 24 hours to find the best banner and come up with a nice welcome. It's gonna happen!
3529788 Yay! Huzzah for all of the supernatural peoples of the world. Which is everyone with belief and practice.
3529796 Let us discuss the controversies of the supernatural and paranormal!
3529821 This week on lifestyles of the weird and gifted...
3529828 We discuss the topic, "What would you do if you saw a ghost? Stay tuned for what we got from our interviews!"
3529850 Our first guest is a caller who will only identify himself as 'Casper'. He has two cranky uncles and apparently lives in a haunted house.