MLP Episode Review: Dragon Quest · 11:13pm Oct 7th, 2015
Okay. Time for 'Unfortunate Implications: The Episode'. No, wait. Cue card's wrong. 'Wasted potential: The Episode'? 'Didn't Think it Through: The Episode'? Ah, here it is...
Dragon Quest
Applejack and Pinkie are digging a trench, in preparation for going over the top. We pan left and zoom in on Fluttershy's cottage, with Twilight saying, "It'll be fun!" Inside, Dash is dragging Fluttershy and chasing her back and forth while Twilight talks about the Great Dragon Migration. It's once in a generation. Okay, Twilight? You know how Fluttershy is about dragons. Leave her alone. Fluttershy's hooves are planted on the doorframe and Dash is trying to push her out. Dash then says that she watched the boring Butterfly Migration, so now Fluttershy owes her. Wait, that's not equivalent at all! Give her a break! But then New Fluttershy reasserts herself. She slams Dash back, plants a hoof in her fucking sternum with audible crack and gallops off. And we've now swung the other way. Semi-amusing bit at the end where she gently pushes the window open and dives out. Back to Dash, she looks concussed. "I guess I'll let you off the hook this time." Ha... ?
Back from commercial, with a rather peppy bit of music. Neither Twilight, Applejack nor Pinkie sees any dragons. Twilight's glad they're early, since then they won't draw attention. And on cue Rarity appears with red carpet. Why a red carpet for a nature observation I have no clue. Oh, and a small burst of confetti and streamers! Like showing off there, Rares? She also has a loud dress on. Twilight 'ports the stuff away. "Who says camouflage has to be drab?" The dictionary definition? Suddenly, dragons. And it's an impressive sight. Also, Rarity has opera glasses. Very nice touch. Dash mocks them, and suddenly an fight breaks out and she gets lightly singed. Pinkie is scared, and suddenly Spike arrives via ground bridge. No, seriously. I didn't see him in any previous shots of the trench. He gives her a cupcake and says how dragons are a force to be reckoned with. Dash laughs at him, mocks his apron and about 64.98% of my sympathy for her is gone.
Spike defends his practical attire, and as one who values function over form I'm there with him. And Rarity steps up and defends him. Go, Rarity! But.. "He doesn't have to look like other dragons." Okay, not too bad, then Twilight... "Or act like them." This throws Spike off when he realizes he doesn't act like other dragons. And Applejack says, "Why would you want to?"
From Mister Enter's review of this episode...
You don't act like other dragons, but why would you want to?
You don't act like other boys, but why would you want to?
You don't act like other girls, but why would you want to?
You don't act like others of your race, but why would you want to?
Think through your implications, episode!
According to Rarity, he's got one thing they don't. Cute widdle chubby cheeks. Spike is not happy. He's not happy with Rarity's actions. This is a bad sign. He then storms off, with Rarity pretty damned oblivious. "Oh, isn't he adorable when he waddles off in anger?" Oi...
Later that night, Spike has a pretty bad existential crisis about who he is or is supposed to be. Twilight is angry at him. Twilight, screw off. You've kept him up with your useless late-night scheduling and crap like that. She tells him he was given to her as an egg, and doesn't know who found him or where. He goes to a mirror, but the Dragon in the Mirror has no answers. I feel for the guy. Twilight finally gets up and says they'll do some research to find out what they can. Okay, twilight, good on you. She's sure they can find something. And one scene wipe later, all the bookshelves are empty. "It's hard to believe, but ponies know next to nothing about dragons." Except migration patterns, greed growth, using their eggs for school entrance exams... They're too rare/scary to talk to or study. Okay, the scary bit I might buy, except for the red dragon in Dragonshy was pretty cool when not being swindled/kicked in the face, but too rare?! Did you not look up at the sky that afternoon, Twilight? "I wonder if dragons cry..." And damned that's heartbreaking. Spike has made a decision, though!
Suddenly, Rarity and Dash appear. Spike scrambles into the book pile for protection. Breakfast? Not for Spike. He's going on the Dragon Migration! Dash says it's nonsense. They're big and strong and tough, and Spike is small and meek. And Spike says that's why he's gotta spend time with them. Dash is showing unusual concern for Spike, but it's a welcome breath of fresh air with her. Rarity... misses the point and Spike slaps her hoof away. Holy shit, he means business! She begs Dash to stop him and she bits onto his bindle stick. There's a brief tug-of-war before Twilight 'ports over and TK's them both away, forcibly. Eh... a bit skeevy, but I'll let it pass. She understands Spike's desires for answers, their lack of them in Ponyville, and says it's right for him. Pretty mature there. Dash says it's nutty, but she herself has done lots of nutty things. "We know." HA! :D Dash tries to be nice, and B+ for effort. they wave goodbye to him with grins pasted on with Elmer's glue. "We're following him, right?" "Of course." And somewhere, Miracle Max says they'll need a miracle, while Test and Albert says that Trish Stratus has 'not a chance' in one of her earlier wrestling matches.
We have a montage of Spike questing, complete with EPIC MUSIC! Only real thing I'll note is that the animators, for some reason, reused Cranky's character model for part of the journey. I don't know why they did that. We also have minor foreshadowing of a shot of a phoenix couple in a nest. Spike also has a beard. Huh. He approaches a couple of what appear to be active volcanoes, where the dragons gather. And the beard is a fake. Heh. Inside, there's another impressive shot of the dragons, including the red one that shoots fire at Spike. Well, general direction. Methinks it's not the same one from Dragonshy. He spots our antagonists for this episode, the teenager dragons, and slides down to join them. Right behind him... is Twilight, Rarity an Dash in a dragon costume. Ponies in disguise! It's one of Rarity's finer creations! Pony what?
Down in the crater, the teenagers are wrestling a bit. One of them emulates Hercules Hernandez as he goes for a Full Nelson. He's the red one. I think he has a name, but it's never mentioned in the show and I have no real desire to look it up. They mock him, naturally. God, this is cringe-worthy. He also reveals he's from Ponyville. "I knew there was something vaguely ponyish about you." Do I even have to?! The red one taunts him, saying he might be a pony in a dragon costume. Cue one of the others next to the real ponies in the costume. They tell him to prove he's a real dragon, with such activities as a belching contest. Spike's up, but suddenly, he shoots out a scroll. They mock Celestia, showing either complete ignorance or utter fucking idiocy. Or split the difference and both? They burn the scroll. there's epculation on what the scroll contains... but it's all speculation. We have no idea what was on it. Also, Twilight's priority is more the disrespect shown Celestia than he;ping Spike.
Next up is tail-wrestling. The ponies volunteer, and they speculate this 'weirdo' is Crackle's cousin. We then see a shot of Crackle and... dang, Rarity! Mirror image, there. They take a dive, fifth round, uppercut. He gets a little cocky, and we have a fakeout with a dragon that looks wimpy, but is revealed to apparently be on performance-enhancing drugs. And Spike gets tossed into a wall. Next up, king of the hoard. God, I remember king of the hill. Hated it. With help, Spike manages to almost win... before stumbling down. Next is cannonballing into pools of fucking lava. That is hardcore. Here's a link to some lava temp stats. The ponies can't help him. Spike's afraid, but some taunting and he manages to dive in. It's a belly flop, literally. But he actually manages to impress them by going through with it. So they... extend their tails and he walks under them. He levels up to Rookie Dragon and is given the Noogie of Initiation. Now they party dragon-style. It's basically a mosh pit.
Spike's having a lot of fun, and wants to stay there, forever. The ponies are not pleased. Why? They wanted him to find out who he was. The other dragons decide Spike's ready for a raid! They fly off, and Spike thinks he's off the hook. But one of them grabs him. The ponies try to go after him... but not a chance. And Rarity's more worried for her costume. Ugh! So they hoof it. At the phoenixs' nest from earlier, Spike's the lure. He... tries to take a survey? Then he tosses a rock. It's unfortunately super-effective. They chase after him and the others go for the nest. But the eggs have hatched, so they decide to take the hatchlings and cross some event horizons of the moral kind. And we see Philomena's prankishness might be an inborn trait. The dragons give chase, but one unhatched egg rolls out. The adults escort their babies away and do a Solar Flare, blinding the dragons. Good. Back at the nest, Spike finds the egg. The dragons cheer him on! And then... they tell him to smash it. Ugh...
Spike decides.... no. He backs up, into another dragon? No, into Twilight, Rarity and Dash, who ditch the disguise to help him! Rarity is more into fashion, not fighting, but she'll rip them to pieces if they touch one scale on his head! YES! Now that is the Rarity we know and love. The dragons laugh and ask if Spike's their friend. He says yes, and they're better friends than the dragons ever could be. For this group, true. He also self-identifies as a pony. I am... not liking that. The lead dragon roars and Spike pulls a Holy Grail. Twilight tries to 'port them out... but apparently her HP is too low. Or MP. Or something. Some people wonder why they're running. Rarity knows karate... and her kicks barely phased a manticore. Against a lava-proof dragon?! Twilight's also apparently low on power. Dash is outnumbered in the air. Spike would be useless in this situation combat-wise and he's protecting an egg. I think it's actually a good idea for them to get out of there. Twilight tries again and her engine turns over.
they end up in some silven glen, and Spike declares them family. Later on he writes to Celestia and he says he may be a dragon, but his pony friends are the ones who taught him how to act right. We also pan across a selection of pictures and...
From Twilight's birthday in 'Sweet and elite'. You have no clue how much this fucking pisses me off.
The egg hatches. hello, Peewee!
You will never appear again, save a photo montage that shows Spike giving you away. Also, Spike's got a lot to teach you about "being a pony". Damn, that's skeevy right there.
Thoughts
Yeah, this episode... is functionally useless. spike goes on an epic quest... and learns that dragons are all assholes through a tiny selection of them. He finds Peewee... who never shows up in the proverbial flesh again.
Okay, if you watch the entire Mr. Enter review I linked to, he will explain what I'm about to try to, except a lot more coherently. basically, this episode hits a lot of unfortunate notes that can easily be divided along gender/race/species lines. See the brutish male dragons and the civilized female ponies. See the brutish dragons and the civilized ponies. ALL we see of the dragons are they're brutish barbarians. And no, it does not matter if it's only teenagers. We see no other insights into any possible draconic culture, so this is what we've got to go on. Unilaterally, all dragons are bad. That's the implication here. Game, set, match.
And I mean... in Dragonshy, we got a pretty reasonable dragon. I mean if I was almost swindled out of my food supply and then kicked in the face, I'd be pretty angry, too. Hell, fluttershy outright says he only made a bad decision. The dragon in Owl's Well that Ends Well was a jerk, but I didn't mind that. I like variety with my species! But here... no.
And the thing is, there was so much potential! That was another big thing. We could've had some great insight into dragons. We could've met Spike's birth parents! It coud've been awesome! Instead... we get tail-wrestling. Yay? No, no yay.
Think about this. In G1 they had an episode a lot like this called Spike's Search, where Spike wants the same thing G4 Spike wanted. And it went about the same way. He met some raiders and rejected them. thing is... at the end, Danny tells him that although these dragons were jerks, not all dragons could be jerks! They just had to meet some other dragons!
G1>>>>>>>G4.
So, some bad implications and a metric ton of wasted potential. That's about it. Tune in tomorrow, though, when we have a much better episode in 'Hurricane Fluttershy'.
And if you're reading this on fimfic, here's what I came up with for the Dragon Clans of the Hasbroverse.
And here's some backstory on the Dragon Clans. Please note I came up with all of this before the episodes 'Dragon Quest' and 'Secret of my Excess'. So don't count on those episodes, especially since Spike now has a ready and available source of information. ;)
And again, please keep in mind, off the top of my head/seat of the pants. :p
General History
One hundred thousand years ago, an ancient dragon known only as 'Draco'-yes, real original on my part-defeated several other dragon leaders, becoming the first King of the Dragon Clans. He gathered all the clans together into the newly-claimed 'Dragon Lands', setting down laws and customs that are followed even to this day.
The dragons are organized into thirteen clans, their leaders meeting in the Valley of the Chieftains. Twelve of them lay on a hoard carefully cultivated over the centuries. The King of the Clans, however, gives up his or her hoard during their coronation. For if the King cannot support their own weight, how can they lead the Clans?
Advancement through the clans varies. Mei Long's clan is done through debate and reasoning. Jormun the Red's clan uses tests of strength and skill. Another clan of blacksmiths and tinkerers bases their advancement on what sort of weapons and armor they can forge. Dragon-forged artifacts are highly prized outside of the Dragon Lands. Another is a clan of minstrels and songwriters and use heavy mithril. However, one method almost universally banned is any fight to the death. Only the King of the Clans is attainable by that.
Generally, a Dragon King sees a Clan Leader and begins fostering a mentor/student relationship, teaching him or her how to lead the most fierce some creatures on Equus. Spkyoran the Old is doing this with Jormun the Red, as Terronax the Fanged did with him. Eventually the two will fight, with the older king usually being slain. Their body is then incinerated by the Clan Leaders, save a single scale that is placed with the others in a mosaic.
Spykoran the Old
King Spykoran the Old is, well, G1 Spike. About a hundred years after the events of G1, he left Dream Valley and traveled to the Dragon Lands, finally finding his people. he became a clan leader and changed his name to Spikor. Nine hundred years before the start of the series, he challenged and killed Terronax in ritual combat, becoming Spykoran the Old.
When he was clan leader, he helped convince Terronax to help Celestia and Luna reforge the Rainbow of Light into the Elements of Harmony. This drew Terronax's attention and set him on the path to become Dragon King. Although relations with Equestria were already on a bit of an upswing, his ascension put the Clans firmly on the path of cordial relations and allies.
G4 Spike is his grandson. His mate and his children were at the Nests of Dargoth, a northern settlement. It was attacked by Ursa Majors and all were killed, save Spike's egg, which was overlooked. He went mad with grief and rage and led an attack into Ursa lands, driving them back. During that time Spike's egg was found by Celestia, but with no dragon claiming it, she brought it with her back to Canterlot.
Dragon relations with Equestria and the Clans themselves
Most dragons think little of Equestria. That is to say the country rarely crosses their minds. "They send us delicious gems and ores. I like them!" That's... really what most of them think of Equestria when asked.
There are about ten million dragons in the Dragon Lands, in an area roughly twice the size of China. They're spread out a bit, a permanent haze in the air. Even Celestia, Luna and Cadance use protective force fields when traveling there. Celestia and Cadance attended Spykoran's coronation.
He landed and his hoard was piled up in the center of the Valley of the Chieftains. Mei Long asked him what it was and he said it was his hoard. She asked him again. "What is this?" He repeated it was his hoard.
"And what will you do with it? Lay about like us? You are the King of the Dragons, Spikor. You must stand on your own two legs. So I ask again, what is this?"
And he said it was nothing to him. And he stood up, sending out a great gout of flame.[/sblock]
What do you think, sirs?
As with many episodes, worldbuilding takes second place to the aesop. And the aesop in this episode is simple: Spike is a pony.
Obviously not physically, but mentally. He's been raised by ponies, given values of pony society, and is accepted by the ponies. He gets a (very biased) insight in dragon culture, and ultimately rejects it because it doesn't fit the pony values he's grown up with. Nature vs nurture, and nurture wins. He's a pony, and he belongs among the ponies who accept him, because being a dragon would require changing himself in ways he's not willing to accept.
Shows why we have fan fiction. I do/did have plans for an AU centering around Spike and Co meeting another dragon that gives him a another account of dragon society.
Unknown to them they meet Toyotama-home, Empress-Matriarch of Dragons, oldest being on Atlas whose horde is knowledge rather than gems.
I'm pretty sure that was Cranky ferrying Spike across the river. The episode "Slice of Life" revealed Cranky goes on adventures from time to time.
I've never actually watched this episode. Thank you for showing me that that would be a waste of time.
I think that was supposed to be a reference to The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.
I believe his name is Garble.
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I think the aesop is a bit different, and one more useful for kids living in the real world: Your true family is the people you love, and who love you, not necessarily the ones you've got a biological connection to.
Also, I'm starting to think you're taking MLP:FiM too seriously, Striker. It's obviously making it harder for you to enjoy a hell of a large chunk of the show...
I argue it's not so much dragons are rare as it is that dragons are rare in Equestria and ponies seem largely ignorant of things outside their borders.
As for why dragons dismiss Celestia: dragons are probably the only creatures on the planet that can afford to not give a $/&$ about her. Ignoring my theory that Celestia and Luna affect solar and lunar avatars not the sun and moon themselves, dragons are tough, can bathe in lava for their heat, and seem like they can eat literally anything.