Stuff off my Chest · 11:36pm Oct 3rd, 2015
So lately I've been thinking about a few things that I'm going to say below.
My mother and father have been divorced for around seven or so years, which is nothing out of the ordinary. And my mother is now remarried, as was my father, until recently. I have four half-siblings, and they're all pretty cute.
Sorry, bit of a tangent, anyway, for the past seven years EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE, has called my father stupid, worthless, and a drug addict and a thief. Yet, I have never seen an instance of ANY of these, nor seen anything that proves. I know very well it is possible, but I need to say something.
My mother, the main one trash-talking him, has yet to do a few things my dad has done. She's NEVER actually told me she's proud of me. Everytime, EVERYTIME, I see my dad, he tells me this. My mother tells me she loves me so rarely, its like panning for gold. My father actually took an interest about my writings.
Honestly, I love my dad. Yet, for years, I've pretended to hate him. Its just stupid that she is trying to turn me against him, and I want to love her as much, but... I can't.
On to another love related topic.
I recently finished Charlotte, I'm still crying randomly three days later, and the final scene really hit me and got me thinking.
IRL, I have yet to meet someone, other than my grandfather, dad, one of my best friends, and a cousin who doesn't, when they get to know me, CONSTANTLY throw my flaws in my face. I know they want me to be a better person but in the last five years, my self-esteem has dropped astronomically. I used to be a semi-extroverted person. Now, I'm literally so introverted that I haven't talked to anyone, friend wise, offline in like three or four months, aside from my cousin.
They called me selfish the other day, and I was shocked. I know I can be self-centered, but they said I never think about anyone but me. They gave my two ex-girlfriends for example. "When you were together did you do anything she wanted to do?"
YES. We may have done my stuff more but for one second, just one, I want them to think about this real quick. When do they ever let me talk about stuff I like? When can I do stuff I like? Do they even care what I like?
No, I get, "Shut up, no one cares." I have to watch my shows or play my games at literally 2-3 am here. I WENT TO BED AT FOUR LAST NIGHT AND WAS WOKEN AT 8:30. They go to incredible lengths to ignore me when I talk about anything I like. Hell, I ask for anime, manga, and game stuff for birthdays and Christmas. All I get? Clothes and books. I even bought my MP3 myself.
Then, they go onto take the stuff I bought with money I earned, and say they decide when I use it. The TV? That's understandable. My MP3? No. I mean, seriously? I couldn't even use the TV when it was in my room and I could watch Netflix.
So, if someone takes interest, am I going to talk about it or show it to them? YES.
I literally go to bed, every night, knowing they think these words about me. "Failure." "Thief." "Idiot." And so many more.
Okay, on to more about girlfriend/boyfriend possibilities.
My list for a possible relationship or crush-
-Listens
-Loves my flaws, no matter how bad
-Best friend
-Always willing to talk
-Flawed themselves
-Willing to endure the bullshit I can pull
-Always up for cuddling
I have NEVER met someone with all these, never. At least, IRL. And, that is very depressing.
So, if you ever find someone like this for yourself... Go for it.
In the meantime, I'll be sitting here...at this computer...watching...waiting...drinking my lemonade...and probably be alone for some time, considering I'm more in the closet than my clothes are.
So yeah, this has been a depressing blog post.
You ever need to talk about something, you PM me, I'll happily reply and even try and give advice if I can.
*hugs*
3440739
The ironic thing? The BronyMate ad below this.
3440749 wow...
3440770
Yeah...
3440773 anyway, my offer still stands, ever need to vent something just message me.
3440776
Naw, I got most of it out for now.
3440778 still...there's always something, every once in awhile life gives us the big ol' Fuck You!
3440778 That's good, but I'm with PyraFlare. Life is unfair and we all need to vent sometime. I'll add myself onto Pyra's offer. You can PM me anytime and I'll answer ASAP.
Everybodies mind is wired differently. What they may think is a small thing can be something much bigger to you. Not many people will stop for a moment to consider how things are for someone else.
You wont have to put up with it forever. Life will get better.
Stealth edit: see if some of this makes sense.
I'm up for making more friends. Drop me a PM when you want to talk, I'll send you a link to a doc where we can talk IRT. Maybe do a crossover with our Displaced as well.
Not much I can offer that others haven't but you are a fantastic person^-^ and every time you start to think bad things about yourself, instead think 3 good things. Everytime!
I can tell that no matter how much those douches talk shit about you, you are a fantastic person and I would literally punch them for being that big of douches... But all I can do right were I am is encourage you and help keep up your spirits... Did any of the stuff I just said make any sense? If not just remember that you are always a great person even if you have flaws, everyone has them but many will say they are perfectly normal and has no flaws, but what is normal? I know it's a thing created for people who are really selfish and don't think anyone else is as good as them... I think what I want to say with that is: don't listen to those people and be yourself, be unique.
HA, depressing blog posts. That's half the reason blogs are here for.
3495110
Yup.
I'm torn here. For the majority of this post, my reaction has been this:
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mczhq7snZ81qedapq.gif
But then I got to this:
>mfw I can relate to a freaking "T"
sp.yimg.com/xj/th?id=OIP.M90d0d2dc04e278fcebcb101c3b165303o0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=300&h=300
3440950 Sir, I acknowledge that you are an Admin, but I believe there is a line. Also, just to give you fair warning, I am quoting the fuck out of that for the shipping community on the forums.
3499057 Believe it or not, I just found this. Sorry if I didn't check the date. Do you want me to delete the comment?
I know it's old, but your mother is kind of a hysterical bitch, sorry.
3602306
Tell me about it
3603314
I hope things get more bearable.