Grey Hat Commentary: Chapter 3 · 7:39am Aug 26th, 2015
This entry contains spoilers for Grey Hat. Be warned...
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This chapter was a real pain in the ass.
When I first planned out chapters in my head, here was the progression of chapters:
> Whitelist interlude
> The Kingdom of Heaven
> The ZIP interlude
Problem was I got dicked over when I tried to publish this on fimfiction, in addition to being caught up in finals about the time the Whitelist interlude was published. I ended up splitting Kingdom of Heaven into two chapters (cutting It’s Cold Out Here out of it) because I felt it ended in a decent spot, and bumped up the interlude a chapter.
I really could not force myself to just sit down and write this. I had a huge mental block by the time the Clementine landed and could not push it forward. Just... nothing came to me. What did come to me never felt natural. If there’s one thing I am seriously weak writing, it’s a chapter that is championed by dialog. I suck at writing dialog-heavy scenes. It’s that weakness of mine that greatly contributed to my trouble here. Plus, I’m hugely antisocial, so hey, at least there’s parallels. Literally the only reasons I got back into the swing of things was some shitty music, lack of sleep at five in the morning, and a lack of fucks to give anymore.
That’s not to say I was wasting time, though. I was working on other things pertaining to Gray Hat, such as some super secret things that have been mentioned before but no one’s really quite seen just yet. I’ve got a small treasure trove of information waiting later.
If It’s Cold Out Here was supposed to focus on Fluttershy’s torment, Kingdom of Heaven was supposed to be the beginning of the healing process. Here Fluttershy’s made friends. Applejack’s supporting her own friend while adapting to an environment she’s unfamiliar with. I’ll openly admit writing scenes that focused on Fluttershy were so much easier than AJ. AJ’s been mostly an auxiliary character in the show; she needs to bounce off someone to truly shine as a character herself. That’s always how I saw her, and how I’ve been able to write her. I managed to grow out of that a little later in the chapter, more on that below, but I’m still kind of neck-deep in the AJ background pony quagmire. This chapter was supposed to bring to light the secondary characters.
Sam was the first character to be birthed. He came in the first chapter, and now swung back once his business with Ana was concluded. He jokes that he’s from planet Texas, a little something for the lulz, but that, along with his description, is a hint at what character inspired his creation: Joel from The Last of Us. I wanted a big, almost teddy bear like man who radiated command, yet still was so mellow during his off hours. A soldier peacefully living day-by-day. Not really much is revealed about him in this chapter, at least in comparison to the others, but I’ve got the rest of the story for that. He’s a nice guy. He’s seen a lot, done a lot, and as AJ suspects, some of it he’s not proud of.
I don’t think I’m satisfied with what I did with Henry. Part of what I wanted him to be started bleeding into Sam: being the character Fluttershy vents her pain and anger to. Well, I suppose not. Sam is more of the superior, while Henry is the equal. Sam is a soldier and represents a person in power to protect others. Henry is the everyman. He’s not a hero and not one to have to be put in situations where extraordinary feats of courage are required. Sam is the guardian. Henry is the friend.
I probably liked Sophia the best out of the bunch. I had fun writing her lines, I liked the confusion with AJ later in the chapter, and she felt like an authentic personality. Also, some of the weirdest shit ever happened with her character creation. As some of you know, I wrote a clop called SINless Desire that was heavily influenced by the Shadowrun RPG. The main character there is also called Sophia. Now in my original notes, Sophia was originally called Tina. Why, I don’t know, but that name also happened to coincide with a character made by Flicka at the time, so I changed it to Sophia. This was way, way back in time. Fast forward an unknown number of months when I was writing SINless and needing a profile for the Sophia in that one, I came up with a British woman with plenty of spunk whose name I finally settled on Sophia and holy shit how did that happen!? Keep in mind I had not fleshed out the Sophia in Gray Hat out at all. All her character data was locked away on a gDoc and forgotten about. I literally had no recollection of her whatsoever, and yet still managed to produce almost exactly the same character. I just said “Screw it” and made her russian instead.
Oh yeah, the name Sophia—both of them—came from the same place: a game I played while in Fort Knox that had a giant robot named Sophia. So I can safely say I put giant robots (or giant tits) in MLP.
...I need to go get another drink.
Soko I added to round out the marines to a solid four. Why not three? Because four made so much more sense. Why do you think there was four ninja turtles? Soko’s the other fatherly figure, and I needed a fourth soldier to give both ponies equal protection. It didn’t really make sense to have two assigned to one pony and one to another if they were separated for whatever reason. Plus, even though the mission is under Sam’s command, Soko is the ranking officer at the moment, beating Sam’s captain status with his Colonel. Soko really has seen it and done it all, as he’s old as fuck. Shirotora did more to delve into the intricacies of the Alliance, so Soko was my means to humanize it a little, bring it down to a more easy to understand level. Politically, AJ and Fluttershy are VIPs, but Soko was there to make them feel like people.
Lastly, Jamie. The little shit I added because we all know “that guy” somewhere. He’d be the Michelangelo of the group, the funny guy. One of the troubles I had with the two of them, meaning Sophia and Jamie, was that they both had similar character traits. As this dawned on me as Clementine breakfast scene became more and more detailed, I knew I might run into that problem later down the road if I continued. My notes still list Sophia as the more serious of the two. Of course there is a minor bit of context. Jamie acts the way he does no matter what. Sophia has yet to be “on the job” and so lets her hair down because she has yet to relate to AJ or Fluttershy in an official capacity. That differentiation is still a little opaque at this point in time and will be made more clear in the next chapter. I just want to tell you why it is the way it is at this moment. Still, the similarities between the two was one of the reasons Jamie was absent from the Ring breakfast scene. Adding him would put in too many characters.
The circumstances in It’s Cold Out Here came almost last minute. The events there were added because I felt like I was missing too much, and that pretty much explained the entire chapter. The very first draft had them taking off from the Absolution, and the scene cut to here AJ and Fluttershy were strapped into their seats on the Clementine here. I did what I did because I felt like too much was missing, and I wanted to flush out the world and places a little bit more. Originally the flight scene would have lasted a lot longer, as that would have been the time when I would have introduced the characters to each other. The landing sequence would have lasted a lot longer, giving the marines, Henry, and the ponies time to talk to each other.
Upon startup, I knew my city was going to have corporations that were used to create and ferry materials and services during the Alliance’s battle with the Dratalli. Argus Five is the closest safe port to contested space, with the biggest city being the titular Magnasanti. The picture above was my way of fleshing out one of them a bit more. Now I will say right now I regret calling the Society for Corporate Protection their namesake. That’s a dumb name, even more so because it was a tongue in cheek reference to the SCP Foundation. I’ve already burned that bridge however, so I have to live with it. Now why the horse? Scenery porn. I love doing scenery porn and it’s the one thing I know I am truly good at. I was thinking the SCP guys would have a very strong brotherhood among themselves. Well, whenever that happens, they tend to have something that identifies each other. That’s when I came up with the idea of the white horse patch.
Speaking of scenery porn, that’s why I focused so much on the window when the Clementine descended into Argus Five space. I wanted to pretty much beat one off on how glamorous and foreign the city of Magnasanti. I absolutely love the cyberpunk genre ever since I realized Shadowrun was a thing. The sheer sight of such a city to a premodern civilization like the Equestrians had to come off as equal parts fantastic and terrible, alien and wonderous. I spent so much time on that one little bit that didn’t even cover the entire scene because I knew I had to hammer that point home.
So... I’ve gotten to the point in my commentary where I have to talk about Applejack and Sophia...
I’ll just go right out and say it: by god someone was going to bone in this story no matter what. It was part of the reason why I had created the adult version of the Journal in the first place. I’m not quite sure why I picked AJ and Sophia. In all honesty, I was going to toss in a Journal story at the end of the upcoming chapter in which the two of them hook up for a quick romp in a love hotel. But I needed something to fill in the space after AJ leaves Fluttershy, as I already justified that it would be harder for her to break her sleep cycle because she’s accustomed to a certain lifestyle. It was a small thing, but it didn’t feel right just to knock them both out immediately. I didn’t really want to write any more dialogue though, as I couldn’t think of anything, so I write in the tried and true explanation for poor decisions and sleep aids: booze.
That’s why everything felt expository; AJ’s viewpoint was no longer objective. I tossed in Sophia and Henry because I felt she’d need to meet someone rather than wander the corridors alone to kill time. I didn’t want it to breach military fraternization protocols, but I still wanted it to happen to lighten the mood. Things were getting a little too serious and desperately required a fresh injection of light-hearted comedy to thin out the mix. AJ’s drunken hangover felt natural to write and I wasn’t complaining. It came to me easily, and upon further reading felt natural enough to keep.
There was also two more reasons why the implication played out as it did. The first was a bit of an editorial blip. Here’s the back and forth commentary between me and shirotora.
[6/16/2015 8:20:20 PM] Journeyman: What are the marriage laws and whatnot in Equestria?
[6/16/2015 8:21:16 PM] Shirotora: There aren't any. Marriage isn't regulated by the government. It's a purely social thing.
[6/16/2015 8:21:33 PM] Journeyman: Polygamy and casual sex a thing?
[6/16/2015 8:22:37 PM] Shirotora: At times, though polygamy is becoming rarer and rarer. Also, casual sex is quite common.
[6/16/2015 8:23:05 PM] Journeyman: I've gotten to the point in the chap where their CO relalized shenanigans may have happened.
[6/16/2015 8:23:26 PM] Journeyman: Shining Armor's about to throw in his two cents
[6/16/2015 8:23:38 PM] Journeyman: AJ still hasn't realized there's a bite mark on her ass.
[6/16/2015 8:24:48 PM] Shirotora: I could definitly see Shining and Cadence having an open relationship, considering how busy they would both be. It would be hard for them to satisfy their needs otherwise.
[6/16/2015 8:25:28 PM] Journeyman: He's their CO, so he's got to throw a fit at least at first.
[6/16/2015 8:25:29 PM] Shirotora: And socially, it's acceptible as long as all parties involved are aware and consenting
Very often in MLP literature you see authors rationalizing more laid back laws and practices concerning marriage and sex. It’s easy to see why from a biological standpoint because horses and by extension ponies (Ponies are horses. Don’t try to give me that semantic “Ponies aren’t horses.” crap) are herd creatures that tend to have multiple partners. I had no problem adding those side hints that casual sex was nothing worth sweating about. AJ is a biased narrator, Sophia was piss drunk, and both are currently suffering from blurred memory that comes from one hell of a hangover. Of course Sam would be upset, and even Soko throws in his two sense and I just realized at this very moment that I named three main characters with the letter “S”. Huh. Anyway, AJ perceives Sophia as not remembering like her, and even if something did happen, it’s no big deal to AJ. It’s just part of her lifestyle and culture.
AJ doesn’t hear what Shining Armor says to Sam, but I will Word of God right now that he reiterates what I just said. I didn’t want to add it because one it would take to long and break the mood I had set, and two because it would sound way too expository. I didn’t bring up that it would sound strange, because to AJ, it wouldn’t. I know you as the reader might see it that way, but that’s not what Applejack would think. As for why Sam lets the infraction go, there’s no real proof Sophia broke fraternization rules with a VIP that’s in her care, neither AJ nor Sophia admits to something going on, and Shining tells him the difference in relationships between humans and ponies.
Sex is one thing I wanted to talk about. Not in a raunchy way, because I have no problem just writing a clop, as I pointed out with SINless above. I wanted it to talk about it in a mature setting. There’s the childish aspect where the user Synergy talks about casual sex and we get the usual profanity and dick jokes. There was still the more adult side I wanted. Sex sells. There exists such things like casual sex and swingers. Magnasanti is an entire super city where everything can be bought for a price. We as a species do have our qualms and taboos, but sex is an integral part of our various cultures. You know, the exact opposite of Fimfiction banning adult material for retarded reasons and not adequately explaining it to the readers and writers. Sex is something that just kinda happens and it does need to be erotic or pornographic. Now I originally wanted AJ to go for a roll in the hay at the end of the next chapter, but this just fit so much better. As for did she or did she not...?
I dunno.
Shining Armor hasn’t had a large role so far, and I didn’t intend for him to have one either. I still value him making conversation and contacts that would be beneficial to a person of his station. Sam is a fellow soldier and captain, and they had a bonding moment in chapter one in terms of their military experience and service. I wanted him and Sam to share war stories together, and since we’ll see more of Sam and less of Shining, Shining’s took priority, despite a Quigley being a very cool war story to tell for any soldier. I will admit that the story he used isn’t entirely mine. While I did take certain creative liberties to adopt it to a pony setting, it’s based on one of the tales surrounding General William S. Harney. Once I read it I fell in love with it and one thing led to another. Soon I came up with adopting it for Shining. I wanted them to bullshit and talk, and this just gave me the excuse.
Well, that just about covers everything. I had to write quite a lot of extra documentation for this story, not all you’ve seen. I hinted at it in the last commentary. Let’s say there’s more to go, even if at this time no one’s actually discovered the secret handshakes to read my extra stuff. Join me next time. Join me next time after a brief spat in the Shadowlands for the crew entering my city.
Actually, the way I see it is since ponies have a heat cycle, there's less risk involved. For us, sex became taboo because we have very tiny windows in which the risk of pregnancy is negligible, so it became dangerous. For ponies, unless they have no self control when their heat hits them *cough*Applebloom*cough*, they can have all the fun they want.