Aug
17th
2015
Seven... · 10:07pm Aug 17th, 2015
"Do you really think you can challenge me?"
"Oh hell yes."
"You have no chance, Seaman Dusk. I am more than human now. I am powerful, I am invicibl--"
"I have a Fabrique Nationale P-90TR with 5.7 JHPs, and they will go in you and leave a nice hole going out! You may be powerful and invincible...but I am a SIREN! You died the moment you faced me!"
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Shinzakura · 483 views
· Story: Seven Days in Sunny June, Book III
·
#7DSJ Book IV
#Sonata Dusk
#This has been willed where what is willed must be
Please don't take this the wrong way, I totally understand that you are trying to explain for your readers. That said whenever you talk about guns or equipment in general you tend to put so much into listing specs that it kind of breaks the flow of the story. No one really talks like that. Spelling out FN and then abbreviating JHP is especially abnormal in that regard. Just a suggestion, and I am certainly not an author so take it with a grain of salt, but simply saying P-90 and maybe the mention of hollow points both flows better and is much more in line with what an actual person would say. In all the training I did with both SF operators and other SWAT units from around the country I never heard anyone ever use a drawn out weapon name and description. If brands were ever mentioned it was always FN, H&K, Sig, and so on not the spelled out full name. Again take it with a grain of salt, but it is something I have noticed in your stories.
FUCK YEAH, MOAR SONATA AND P90 ACTION
3327301
It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation: if I go natural and use MILSPEAK/NAVSPEAK, I'm "confusing the readers." If I spell everything out, I'm "using unrealistic diction." In a perfect world, I wouldn't bother (because I'm a NAVET and so I know this is all wrong normally), but to some people, P-90 is the pickup on a guitar. To others, it's a camera. So if I'm going to find a middle ground and it's still wrong, well, what else can I do?
3327327
Maybe she's just using a home exercise program?
Sorry bitch, you gon' die tonight!!
Bye Felicia!
3327355 Well, thanks to you, I now know of other things named P90
. I really want to fire one of those beauties again 
3327334
And certainly I can see that, but at the same time no one calls FN "Fabrique Nationale" or calls hollow points "JHP" in conversation. Some verification is necessary for readers that don't know what something is, but over doing it breaks the flow and is awkward to read. It also serves to loose those that don't know what something is further. When telling people who know nothing about guns that I used an MP5 I will tell them it was a 9mm to give them a frame of reference. If I tell them it was an H&K MP5A2 I have only confused them further. In my opinion and again strictly my opinion something along the lines of ""I have an FN P-90 loaded with hollow points, and they will go in you and leave a nice hole going out!" Still gives the reader the clear picture that this is a gun and enough to easily google it if they wish, but is closer to something a real person might say.
3327389
You want to fire a Pentium computer?
3327394
Strangely enough, when I was at NCTAMS PAC, I knew an IT3 who was a SEAL (he had a permanent leg injury and so couldn't remain in the NAVSPECWAR community but he was entited to the Budweiser, so he had to be legit) who did refer to jacketed hollow points as JHP. It was one of those things that stuck in my mind, given conversations with my brother in law (who was a Marine on the ground in Iraq), who found it odd to hear JHP as well.
For the record, I wanted to use just plain hollow-points, but then I couldn't find anything if CF uses regular hollow-points or hollow-cavities, and my copies of Janes don't say squat.
EDIT: In retrospect (and probably just to see if Ixion's paying attention), it's possible he may have crossrated to IT, given that I don't believe that the SO and SB ratings were in place at the time.
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Usually the 5.7 rounds used in that type of situation are neither, they are a high velocity round designed to punch thru armor and then tumble in tissue. Those are not civilian legal so hollow points do exist as the nonhigh velocity 5.7 is basically a .22 magnum and they needed something to appeal to that market. There you are getting into details that the average reader doesn't know anything about though where as most people have at least heard of hollow points and understand the basic principle.
3327479
Let's all watch as I completely confuse everyone. So much easier to talk about 5 in. guns, BOFORS, TLAMs, TASMs, and Standards.
3327634
Actually, that would be TASMs (small S), meaning Tomahawk Anti-Ship Missile
Also, BOFORS in this case means the BOFORS Mk.2 57mm gun, which replaced 5-in guns on newer USN and USCG ships.
Lastly, Standards are RIM-174 Standard 6 ERAM missiles, which are an anti-missile missile.
(I should also explain that SOs are Special Warfare Operators, which is the SEALs specific rating; and SBs are Special Warfare Boat Operators, which is another SEAL rating. If you have to ask what a rating is, well...we can't do all the research for you.)
3327715
It happens. Gotta love the world of MILSPEAK; even after all these years I still get stuff that passes by me.