Quick glimps at the new prologue

I shook my had and looked him in the eye, “Listen. I already said no.”

He put his index finger on my forehead and smiled, “What did your momma always tell you? Besides I'm not asking, I'm telling.”

Before I could refute, I had a sudden pain on the left side of my chest. I fell over, clutching my pectoral and screaming in pain. My senses were going dull and my visioned blurred. I could here Mr. Gonzales yelling. “Quick, get an ambulance, he's having a heart attack.”

He I struggled to move but the pain was unbearable. Mr. Gonzales bent down next to me and whispered one last thing before I past out. “Good luck, don't forget to tell my daughter daddy D says hi.”

I just finished the prologue grammatically. At this rate expecting all finishing touches tomorrow morning.

Comments

[Keeper-of-Harmony]

Pretty good! Although there are some mis-spellings; "I could here Mr. Gonzales yelling" should be "I could hear Mr. Gonzales yelling". And the fourth word, 'had', stands for 'head' I'll assume? Anyway, you've probably gotten these already checked out beforehand.

[jordanwriter]

Good thing this is just, eh?