The wifi gods were angry, so they brought a storm upon my house. · 8:09pm Jul 19th, 2015
So, a lot of people are probably wondering (specifically, the people who sent the messages in my inbox are probably wondering) "Hey, where have you been? You got back from the convention, but the ambulance never got here! I recorded this message to haunt you forever because I died from blood loss and you act like you don't even care!"
Well, requester of the inadequately trained medical professional, I have had no wifi for a week because The Great Altar of the Router decided now would be a good time to take a nap forever.
"Oh, no big deal," I naïvely thought, completely unaware that I had missed this week's goat sacrifice, "I can just go out and get a new router in a few days. I needed to clean out that pile of stuff where my router is hidden anyway, so no Internet sounds like the perfect motivation to get it done."
After a few days of miscellaneous cleaning, I triumphantly set out to buy a new router on Ebay. After realizing that Ebay is a website and would therefore require an Internet connection to purchase Internet-fixing things on, I located the nearest electronics dealer (which apparently does not include Radio Shack, as they went out business months ago) and bought a new router there.
Cue a huge batch of thunderstorms coming through and taking out the power lines. The next morning, I emerged to find that trees had been blown down all over the place, with one cut-up tree lying under a presumably brand-new power line with caution tape around it. And so, I plugged in the router and turned on my computer, finally able to fix my Internet connection.
"I thought about making this into a limerick, but then I was like 'ah, screw it'."
Oh yeah, and some more major spoilers for my story: the ninth word from the end of what I've written is "Lyra".
3252015 Maybe I can pay in advance... I don't know where I'd get that many goats though. I need to do it quick, since it looks like the wifi gods made friends with the weather gods now.
3252119 Yeah, it's so hard to find a good goat dealer these days. One time I found a guy that seemed great, but it turned out that he was actually just taking rams, trimming them down a bit, and then selling them as goats. It was really disappointing.
3252272 Yeah, the fine print on those kinds of goats can really getcha sometimes. They put 'em on the bottom of the goat, too, so you have to get under the goat on your back to even see the darn things. That's why I switched from Goat Plus years ago.
3252315 I switched to goat minus, since it seemed like they solved pretty much all of the problems I had with Goat Plus. After being with them for a few years though, I can definitely say that Goat Plus did some things better than them. The actual size of the goats comes to mind.
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3252344 I'd love to, but I got roped into a ten-year plan with Goat Minus. With Goat Plus I could cancel anytime I wanted, so I didn't really think about it until I signed up with Goat Minus.