I'm so tired. · 6:22am Jul 19th, 2015
If you saw the post I put a few nights back, you'll know things haven't been going that well for me. I'm still upset and frustrated, but I've managed to get an extension on my college work and am catching up with the class. I can't go back in time and get my contest entry in like I wanted, but I'll take what I can at this point...
Actually, you know what, I'm still pissed about that. I worked on that story for so long and I wanted it to be great for the contest, enough so that I got a couple of different proofreaders to look at it. I was even going to edit the ending to make it better, but I never got to do that because of this whole mess my family has gotten into. Tensions are high and people are at each other's throats, and honestly, I'm one of them. I am so tired and I've barely gotten a hint of recognition or gratitude from my aunt and cousin, despite the fact that we spent all week helping them. I have yet to get a good night's sleep and every morning I'm awakened to the sound of screaming because there's a "crisis" involving my aunt that usually involves petty things she could get my cousin to do.
I'm tired. Really tired. I've been on summer vacation since the beginning of June and I've barely gotten anything done during it. I haven't updated any of my stories, I can't even review episodes like I want to, and now I have only a couple weeks until school starts back up again. Then comes more work and more anxiety... And my birthday, which only brings me disappointment because I always get my expectations too high, only for them to get destroyed when no one is available for anything I want to do. All because my birthday is during Labor Day weekend.
Then there's the fact that I have to go visit my grandparents later on this summer and I don't even want to think about that because deep down I have this horrible fear that my dad will show up... And I haven't seen him since the day of my choir pop show in May. The day he gave me an anxiety attack at school and made me break down sobbing in the girls' bathroom. Sadly reminds me of third grade.
I can't handle all this. I can't be happy and enthusiastic for everyone. I keep snapping at my family and end up causing more damage because of it. I can't stop myself... I'm just so tired. And I know what you're thinking:
Steven is the only good thing to have come from this week. That, and I found my tutu that my aunt never gave back to me.
But I can't handle this. Making mistakes haunts me everyday and I can't get over it. I can't get over anything that has happened this week and I don't know if I will. I'm just so tired and frustrated because I have tried to do so much and I have gotten so little in return. I know that good people do good things because that's the right thing to do, but I can't help but feel selfish. I'm so tired of having to force myself to be happy when I don't want to be. I'm so tired of faking smiles and forcing laughs. I'm so tired of being the dependable one.
I'm so tired.
Oh dear... well however you feel and whatever you do, know you'll have us in your corner, reading your thoughts and thinking of you in return. Appreciation is seldom expressed when it should be, but it's there... somewhere underneath it all. I wish I had better words to help you through this, but all I can say is I hope it stabilizes soon and I'll be here to listen any time.
What are blogs but places to rant?
No offence, but your aunt kind of sound like an ass.
3251056
She kinda is.
Hey.. It's okay, I know some bad things might happen but I just want you to know that you shouldn't worry about them. I know it's scary right now but i want you to relax about what's happening. If you ask me it doesn't matter if you update a story or make a new one. I just want you happy, healthy, and smiling. Just try to stay happy for us.. okay..? You are an amazing person and a wonderful writer.
Stay Happy!
Man... that's terrible. Stay strong, friend. If you ever want to talk or just vent to someone, feel free to shoot me a PM. I need to get around to reading more of your stories, and I'd be all for reading a new one from you.
Is your dad bad?
Just remember, Charmony:
We are all proud of you and we love you.
it's a decent thing to vent, when holding in the emotions in is impossible
aight, i get that, i don't do shit 'cept read y'know?
don't you even start that, i will send my overly huggy friend after you (i would do it myself, but i don't do hugs)
if it'll help you, go do that! but we here will await with bated breath your return
oh trust me, holding ones breath tend to bum you out after too long
but seriously, if you think leaving for a bit will be good for you, go
and we will wait for you, here
however, we also don't really want to see you leave, and if you think we do you're crazy
The thing I've learned about mistakes is to accept that you made them and move on. I might not know you enough to be considered your friend, but I just want you to know I think you've done a damn fine job with your stories.
I hope things calm down in your life.
shall be praying for you. Happy Derpy faces
https://youtu.be/buqtdpuZxvk
Support from one of your fans. I don't really Know you but... eh, have this. It helps me AT Times.
That last part of your blog sounds extremely worrying. Don't do anything extreme...to yourself.
But if it's gotten to the point that you need to run away for a weekend or younger do something drastic, please let me know.
I normally don't write but as a veteran I can see were you are feeling. But my advice to you is 'Never let it go dark.' too many veterans and others in their world let the negative bring them down and it ruins their personna. I've followed you a long time and looking back at your happy posts about your stories it saddens me as a follower and as an observer into your life feel disheartened about your struggles.
If I can offer any advice to your situation remember the words 'Be better.' life is hard and offers no easy way but always think how you can do better and make your corner of the world a better place. Even for us war torn veterans who have done horrible things for God's and country with that motto we can persevere and overcome any obstacle.
Best wishes and stay safe,
Don
Ps you can always pm me and we can talk over Skype or messages and something is better then nothibg :)
That's some rough stuff, my door is always open if you need to talk to me.