Jul
10th
2015
This blog post will go unread by mortal eyes. · 3:45am Jul 10th, 2015
Ah~. What a splendid evening, if I do say so myself. And alone! Even better. My first day on this website and I get to spend it simply thinking. I shall absorb any and all knowledge I can so that my thousand year reign of blood and terror will become all the more feasible. It is a good thing I go unfollowed, for that means less prying eyes upon my plans and more time for me to bring them to fruition. The path to my future has never seemed so clear.
Hi. I noticed your join date (today). Allow me be the first to welcome you!
Welcome to FIMfiction net! 
3224770 Many thanks, my friend! Would you like to join me in my campaign to rule the world with an iron fist?
derpicdn.net/img/2015/4/25/882595/medium.gif
3224801 You have ruined all of my dreams in but a few short hours. Shame on thee! For that, you are going to be the trainer of my expendable henchmen. That will teach you a lesson if any more knaves happen upon my humble abode.
3224809
Wait... I still get the cookie and the Discord collectable action figure, right?
3224954 You'd help me take over the world for but a cookie and a collectible? So be it, then...
The cookie!
vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/chocolate/images/a/ab/Chocolate_chip_cookie.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20120618211310
The collectible!
i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NDAxWDUwMA==/z/mbAAAOSw7aBVFbrb/$_35.JPG
Let it be known that I am at least a compromising tyrant.
3224957
Oh, wait! I thought this was the collectables exchange thread? You want me to help you take over the world, that's going to cost you at least TWENTY BUCKS!
3224958 Oh dear. I've just unpacked my things and my evil overlord wallet has run out of mortal money! Twenty bucks is too much for now.
3224963
Okay, forty in food stamps and throw in that goldfish you got sitting on that table over there. Oh, yeah, I'll take that funny pointy thing you got sitting on your head, too. I should be able to get at least five bucks for that at the pawn shop.
(I am imagining this entire exchange taking place between Discord and King Sombra. Be afraid!)
3224964 I'll give you the forty in food stamps, but I refuse to give up my crown! It's so pointy and royal! It just screams the words "Fear me for I am now your ruler!" I'll give you... three goldfish for your undying loyalty! And a pot that instantly cooks meals for you!
(This does seem like a conversation between Discord and Sombra now that you mention it.)
3224972
and race off cackling like a lunatic!
Hold on there a second, your royal Heininess! You got a piece of lint on your cloak there.
(Reaches out to pick said lint off your shoulder.)
Quick as a wink I snatch the pointy thing off your head
3224990 Wait! The crown is cursed! It will corrupt you with the worst ailment of all if you are not its owner: sterility!
Hi! You have reached the voice mail of... Discord... At the tone please leave a message or press nine for more options... *beep!*
3225740 9. I want to see these "other options" offered.
3225849
You have pressed 9 for more options. Press 1 to leave a call back number. Press 2 to activate auto call back option. Press 3 to forward all calls to Princess Celestia. Press 4 if you'd like to request a date with Princess Luna. Press 5 for more options.
3225869 5. More options!
3225955
You have pressed five for more menu options.
For menu option one press one
For menu option two press two
For menu option three press three
For menu option four press four
For menu option five press five.
To return to the main menu press nine.
To end this call press pound or simply hang up. Thank you.
3226014 Ugh. 9 again, I wish to see about this "date" with the Lunar Princess. Together we shall rule this world!
3226032
You have reached the date request service of Her Highness, Princess Luna. We're sorry but your number has been blocked and you will not be allowed to request a date with Princess Luna. Thank you! *Beep!*
3226072 Dammit! Well, I guess I'll have to rule alone, then. The life of a tyrant is indeed a lonely one.
3226074
Just then the great, brass hinges of the enormous throne room door creaked and groaned as it was opened. A moment later the face of a beautiful, pink haired pegasus mare stepped through, her face quite anxious.
Oh! Um... I'm sorry! I... I didn't know there was anyone here", she said quickly. She hopped frantically from hoof to hoof.
"Is this... Um... Sorry! Is this... The bathroom?", she squeaked, obviously straining to contain that which screamed for release from within her body.
3226100 No, this is not just a bathroom! This is His Royal Highness' Luxury Restroom of Evil Tyranny! Go dig a hole somewhere, you worthless mare!
3226106
"Well!", she scowled, still prancing frantically, "You didn't have to be... RUDE about it!" Her face was turning red from the strain, "But, really... Please? Can I use your toilet? Please! I think I'm about to explode!"
3226121 Begone, wench! Only royalty may lay their posteriors upon this seat! Now take that shovel, go outside, and dig!
3226137
Suddenly a bright blue, rainbow haired mare dashed into the throne room.
"Hey! Don't talk to my friend like that!", she shouted angrily, "I'll come up there and kick your ass! Who do you think you are, anyway?"
3226273 I am the Lord of Cinders and the future conqueror of the entirety of this world, vixen! I command the divine right to privacy within my own restroom! Now leave, or I bury you in the hole your friend here digs!
3226313
"Yeah, and you can take your devine lips and lock them on my totally AWESOME ass, Mister Lord Of Cinderella!", roared the bright blue rainbow haired pony as she glared fiercly at him. A moment later she strode toward the throne licking her lips in anticipation of seeing the destruction of His Heininess' soft, pink ass! 'This's gonna be AWESOME!' she thought!
3226346
Um... let's talk about this.
3226388
"Too late for talking!", roared the bright blue rainbow haired mare, going nose to nose with a now terrified and trembing you. "Now either put up your dukes or get out so my friend can use the toilet!"
A moment later the sound of scrabbing, clacking hooves over the marble floors. The beautiful but desperate pink haired mare racess up to you, throws you from your throne and squats down, giving forth with a huge sigh of olympic proportions, a tremendous look of relief on her face. An instant later you hear the sound of water splashing that reminds you of the roar of Niagra Falls.
3226405
3226491
Greetings, my friend! I see that you are new to the site, and I would like to extend a hoof in friendship.
3228159 Friendship!? What nonsense! I am here to rule over you with an iron fist, not exchange pleasantries! Now either submit to me peacefully or leave while I'm feeling merciful.
3228271
If that were the case, then why are you making friends with Pononimous?
3228344 I like to call it me not destroying him yet for his transgressions.
3228424
Riiiiiiiiight.
3228444 Precisely! Those who are of no use to me shall be crushed beneath my boot heel, and it fills me with glee that you understand!