Old Man Csquared · 9:39pm Jul 6th, 2015
Context: I'm coaching cross country at my old high school
4:54 PM - Csquared08: OH HI
4:55 PM - yalamallama: WHY HELLO
4:55 PM - Csquared08: Group 2 is the softest group of sofites that ever did soft
4:55 PM - yalamallama: Hang on I'm going to need some context for that
4:56 PM - Csquared08: Cross country
4:56 PM - yalamallama: OH
4:56 PM - yalamallama: I'm sorry
4:56 PM - Csquared08: I'm going to initiate a new program tomorrow
4:56 PM - Csquared08: Every kid that finishes up with me will result in me doing 25 push-ups
4:56 PM - yalamallama: Ooohhhh
4:56 PM - Csquared08: And if 4 kids do it, I'll do a bonus 25
4:57 PM - yalamallama: Oh dang
4:57 PM - Csquared08: Did I mention that I'm a scrawny white kid who's out of shape?
4:57 PM - Csquared08: I don't think I can do 25 push-ups
4:57 PM - Csquared08: But these kids are soft and bad
4:57 PM - Csquared08: So I think I'm good
4:58 PM - yalamallama: You did not mention that, but RIP your arms
4:58 PM - Csquared08: These kids are soft and soft and also soft
4:58 PM - yalamallama: I'm glad that we use similar slang to describe the worst runners
4:58 PM - Csquared08: Pfffffffffff
4:59 PM - yalamallama: Are they all just really out of shape or something? How much are you making them run?
4:59 PM - Csquared08: They're in fine shape
4:59 PM - Csquared08: They're just soft as hell
4:59 PM - Csquared08: There are a couple freshmen who are figuring things out still, so they're doing great
4:59 PM - yalamallama: So they're crying about the workouts then
5:00 PM - Csquared08: Yes
5:00 PM - Csquared08: And going really slow
5:00 PM - yalamallama: They sound like sprinters
5:00 PM - Csquared08: They're not
5:00 PM - Csquared08: :(
5:00 PM - yalamallama: That's....that's so horrible...
5:00 PM - Csquared08: It is
5:01 PM - yalamallama: How do they even want to do distance running
5:01 PM - Csquared08: I'm even going to be up front with them and tell them, "I don't think I can even do 25 push-ups. I just think you guys are all soft as hell, so there's no risk for me at all."
5:02 PM - yalamallama: Excellent motivation/insult combo
5:02 PM - Csquared08: Yes
5:03 PM - yalamallama: Hmm, I can't think of anything that you could do to help them, other than making them run with varsity
5:03 PM - Csquared08: That would kill them
5:03 PM - yalamallama: So varsity can insult them too
5:03 PM - Csquared08: Literally
5:03 PM - Csquared08: Varisty is not soft
5:03 PM - yalamallama: Exactly though!
5:04 PM - Csquared08: Group 2 can't even handle 7:30 a mile right now
5:04 PM - Csquared08: Group 1 goes under 7 every run
5:04 PM - yalamallama: They can't handle it even going at 90-100% speed?
5:05 PM - Csquared08: Wait, what?
5:05 PM - yalamallama: I mean, can any of them run a sub 7 mile at all?
5:05 PM - Csquared08: Oh, yeah, they can
5:06 PM - Csquared08: Most of them run close to 19 or under 19
5:06 PM - Csquared08: But right now
5:06 PM - Csquared08: They're making 0 effort to get better
5:07 PM - yalamallama: That is the worst
5:07 PM - Csquared08: Yes
5:07 PM - Csquared08: It is
5:07 PM - yalamallama: So that makes them super softies
5:07 PM - Csquared08: Yes
5:07 PM - Csquared08: Which is why I won't be doing push-ups for weeks
5:07 PM - yalamallama: Hahahaha
5:08 PM - yalamallama: Have you arranged any practice meets with other teams? Maybe if they get crushed by their rivals, they'll get motivated
5:08 PM - Csquared08: Practice meets are lame
5:08 PM - Csquared08: Also
5:09 PM - Csquared08: I forgot to mention that part of me telling them this includes referring to myself as "Old Man [last name]"
5:10 PM - yalamallama: "Old Man Csquared gonna kick all ur lilly-livered youngster hides from here to Cleveland in running, you little softies!"
5:10 PM - Csquared08: Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
5:11 PM - yalamallama: I can see that happening
5:11 PM - yalamallama: I don't know how else you can motivate them
5:12 PM - yalamallama: WAIT, DO YOU RUN WITH THE GIRLS TEAM
5:12 PM - Csquared08: No
5:12 PM - Csquared08: We're an all boys school
5:12 PM - yalamallama: Ooooooh
5:12 PM - Csquared08: BUT THEY MIGHT AS WELL BE THE GIRLS TEAM
5:12 PM - yalamallama: OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
5:13 PM - Csquared08: On second thought
5:13 PM - yalamallama: I would've said you could have used their teenage hormones against them to impress chicks, but man, this is sounding hopeless
5:13 PM - Csquared08: That's pretty insulting to girls
5:14 PM - Csquared08: Comparing these guys to girls? So rude
5:14 PM - yalamallama: Slow burn
...
5:18 PM - yalamallama: HOW MARSHMALLOW SOFT ARE THESE KIDS
5:19 PM - Csquared08: Hmmm
5:19 PM - Csquared08: ABOUT 20 RARITY-SIZED MARSHMALLOWS
5:19 PM - yalamallama: THAT IS FAR TO SOFT
5:19 PM - yalamallama: TOO
5:19 PM - Csquared08: YES
5:20 PM - yalamallama: Jeez man, you've definitely got your work cut out for you
5:20 PM - Csquared08: My arms are good to go, at least!
5:20 PM - Csquared08: ;)
5:20 PM - yalamallama: Hahahahahaaaaa
5:20 PM - yalamallama: When does xc season start for you?
5:21 PM - Csquared08: Last week of August is first meet, I think
5:21 PM - yalamallama: Well, you've got a lot of time at least
5:21 PM - Csquared08: Hopefully
5:22 PM - yalamallama: Hopefully by the end of August, your arms and pecs will be pure, sculpted rock hard muscle
5:22 PM - Csquared08: PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
5:22 PM - Csquared08: My arms will be weak and wimpy
5:22 PM - Csquared08: You watch
5:22 PM - Csquared08: :(
5:22 PM - yalamallama: Ouch
Some part of me refused not to imagine your wards as children made of ice cream.
I assume this means you're coaching a team at your old HS while still attending college in town? Coo', if so.
3213155
I'll tell them that. "Softer than ice cream on a hot summer afternoon."
Yeah, sounds really accurate.
3213175
Yea
The varsity team of my cross country just get far enough ahead that they're out of sight and they turn off the path to one of their designated stopping points and rest for like 10 minutes. They say they won't do it come the real season, but iunno. And it's not like they're bad runners.
So I can feel your pain.
But oh man if the coach ever caught them, those scrawny white kids would get beefed up real quick
3213988
At least our varsity isn't soft. In fact, I've often felt that they're too hard for week three. Can't have 'em getting hurt halfway through the season because they never took time to recover during the early weeks :/
Does this mean you're back on Skype?
3214704
That was on Steam.
C, Y U NO INCLUDE ME IN JOLLIES ABOUT CROSS COUNTRY?
3235061
I WILL NOW INCLUDE YOU
MANY JOLLIES SHALL BE HAD
3237109
GOOD. WE HAVE MANY JOLLIES TO CATCH UP ON