7/24/12(2) Concerning RDNOF's 2nd EQD Submission - Ask the Audience Edition

I received an email not too long ago.

"Dear author or authors,

I regret to inform you that I cannot recommend this story be posted on Equestria Daily.

First and foremost, your writing is still not up to par with what is usually required for submissions. You've got dry narration, "lavender unicorn syndrome," and the characters slip out-of-character from time to time.

Next... this story has an interesting idea behind it. Dash likes her fan (oh, and the title drop was terrible) because it reminds her of home, even if home was screwed up.

I will be blunt. Your spousal abuse comes off as cliché and hammy. Obviously, for so heavy of a subject matter, the writing standards go higher than "(ex? I didn't read far enough to find out) drug-addict parents start fighting about money as soon as the father comes home."

There need to be more emotions here, and there aren't.

So, focus on the writing, give depth to the heavy, heavy plot elements you incorporate, and take this to Ponychan's /fic/ for help revising. This is your second strike of three, I advise that you revise accordingly.

Signed,
Prereader JJ"

Well, shit.

At least someone mentioned the terribly misleading title. Will be changed accordingly. That's the first order of business.

The second...I did a whole mess of adjusting the first time around, and this is now or never time. I either have to spiff this thing up until the state it's in shines like the sun, or abandon the idea of Equestria Daily publication, at least with this piece. I see where I went wrong (this email is much more obvious than the last one), and how I can fix it, but, at the same time, I was told by two close friends that, at this point, I "might as well write a new story."

Scrap and re-write it. I don't really want to do that.

You guys rock, and you read it - I need your advice on what to do. Should I take it down for now (NOT a revoke, but unpublishing), and edit the hell out of it, according to the pre-reader JJ here? Or, should I leave it as is (changing the title, of course) and accept that this may not be a piece for EQD?

I see it as a problem of wanting to achieve a diamond that might only be zarconium, but also see it as writing incompetence.

I'm walking away from it for a day or more - I can come back to it with a clear head. But, I would enjoy your thoughts on this. Hell, I need them.

Cheers,
Tuesday