Breaking Bad - MLP Crossover · 4:16pm Jun 15th, 2015
I'm probably not going to turn this into a story (especially since I have a ton of spoilers anyway), but here's an outline for what I would consider to be an acceptable BB/MLP crossover.
It takes place in some point in Season 4 and is obviously an alternative universe story on the "Breaking Bad" side.
Plot:
“Jesse, we need to cook.”
“Yo, Mr. White. Our RV is gone and Gus wants to kills us. Where are we going to cook, bitch.”
“Saul told me that there is a portal to a land called Equestria. We can cook meth there.”
“Equestria? What the fuck?”
“Saul said he knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who can take us to Equestria. It is a land with talking pastel-colored ponies.”
“Mr. White, that sounds fucking gay. Brock told me that Equestria is for little girls and grown men who can’t get laid. Fucking bitch ponies.”
“If I say we’re going to Equestria, we’re going to Equestria.”
“Ugh.”
Characters
Walter White: A high school chemistry teacher turned meth kingpin – he travels to Equestria to find a secret place to cook meth. In the pony world, he is a unicorn with a rock candy cutie mark. Walt is a naturally brilliant and mild-mannered man who lets himself get consumed by the power rush. He doesn’t seek to conquer Equestria. Rather, he simply wishes to use Equestria to be the number #1 meth cook.
Jesse Pinkman: A former drug addict and Walt’s partner – he travels to Equestria with Walt to cook meth, even though he thinks ponies are bitches. In the pony world, he is a Pegasus with a wooden box cutie mark which reminds Jesse of his unrealized potential. Jesse is an excitable slacker type with a heart of gold. Jesse grows to befriend some of the ponies including Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash while he’s in Ponyville.
Pinkie Pie: A pony who introduces Walt and Jesse to Equestria and is intrigued by the rock candy they are cooking. Pinkie helps them distribute and sell the meth throughout Equestria. Walt and Jesse first dislike Pinkie, but they grow to consider her as a loyal friend as she takes special measures to help the meth business. Walt and Pinkie get into a semi-romantic relationship since Walt likes the fact that Pinkie isn’t a nagging cunt like Skyler.
Discord: A draconeques who takes pleasure in causing chaos around Equestria. He sounds like Jane’s dad, but he’s nothing like Jane’s dad otherwise. Discord, much to Walt’s dismay, plays tricks with their meth. Walt tries to kill Discord but fails miserably. Discord happily takes the role as an impartial bystander – neither siding with Walt nor Gus nor Twilight. Discord is also a pain in the ass to Gus and Apple Bloom as they seek to conquer Equestria. It is revealed that Discord had an affair with Cup Cake and she bore two of his children.
Twilight Sparkle: An alicorn who becomes suspicious of the true nature of the “rock candy”. She is the first one to realize of the true nature of the “rock candy” – essentially, it is meth and it is bad for you.
No one in Equestria will listen to her though and they think she’s out there to spoil every pony’s fun.
Walt poisons Twilight with ricin. However, Twilight meets her doom when she fights Gus, another alicorn, and loses – she is killed before the ricin takes effect, which gives the other ponies no reason to suspect that Walt will murder those who get in his way.
Gus: The owner of “Los Pollos Hermanos” and a meth kingpin, he goes to Equestria after learning Walt and Jesse are there. Gus is an alicorn with a chicken cutie mark. Gus wants to build a meth distribution center in Canterlot and wants to get rid of the other alicorns. Gus meets his doom towards the end of the novel when Hector Salamanca is brought into the portal as a wheelchair-bound earth pony with a bomb.
Spike: Useless. Likes veggie bacon. Walt thinks that Spike plays a similar role to his son, Walt Jr. Spike is ignored and fed breakfast on occasion.
Rainbow Dash: The other pony of the Mane Six to help Walt and Jesse distribute meth. However, Rainbow is more unreliable than Pinkie and becomes severely addicted to the meth herself. Jesse and Rainbow form a strong relationship though as Rainbow is determined to teach Jesse how to become a superstar flier. Jesse helps Rainbow get over her addiction throughout the story.
Applejack: She gets a license from Walt and Jesse to sell “meth apples” which allow Walt to make even more money. The Apple family gets heavily involved in the meth apple business.. however, one Apple seeks to take over Walt’s business.
Apple Bloom: A shrewd filly who wants power, money, and her cutie mark – she teams up with Gus. Gus admires Apple Bloom and considers her to be better for his business than Walt and Jesse ever were. Apple Bloom eagerly goes along with Gus’ plan to kill all of the alicorns and offers Gus advice on how to destroy Twilight.
Rarity: Like Applejack, Rarity sees the “rock candy” as an opportunity to make a profit of her own. She creates a line of snortable clothing – where the “rock candy” is embedded in the clothing but you can snort it and get an awesome high as a result. She also hooks up with Spike on occasion to make the useless dragon happy.
Fluttershy: Discord’s ho, that’s all.
Cup Cake: Discord’s former lover. She has two children with Discord: Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake. She owns Sugarcube Corner and allows Walt and Jessie to cook in the basement.
Carrot Cake: Not in the story much. He left Cup Cake after he found out that she fucked Discord. “IFD”.
Lyra Heartstrings: A unicorn who has a theory that Walt, Jesse, Saul, and Gus were all originally humans before being transported to Equestria. Not many ponies believe Lyra. However, Gus uses Lyra’s curiosity about humans to get her to join his side. She is killed by Walt when she is caught spying around the meth lab.
Gale: A nerdy and naïve meth cook who was killed by Jesse at the end of Season 3. He was a brony. In the human world, Hank refers to Gale as a “brony faggot” which angers Walt. It is revealed that Gale was the one who created the portal to Equestria.
Saul: A savvy lawyer who introduces Walt and Jesse to the portal to Equestria. Saul goes to Equestria as an earth pony with a Constitution cutie mark – signifying his love for natural rights. He decides to stay in Ponyville as the Village Attorney and leaves the life he once knew after he is given a trillion bits by Filthy Rich to protect him from all of the lawsuits against his bratty daughter.
Skyler: Walt’s cunt of a wife – nobody likes her. Nobody. She goes to Equestria to nag Walt some more but is killed by Apple Bloom upon arrival.
Walter Jr.: Likes breakfast. Isn’t even in the story. He’s replaced by Spike who is only slightly less useless.
Hank: A DEA agent who is determined to find Heisenberg. Hank never finds the portal to Equestria. His main role in the story is to look through Gale’s files and make fun of him for being a brony.
Hector Salamanca: In a wheelchair, communicates by ringing his bell. He is sent to Equestria by Walt to kill Gus in a suicide attack.
10/10, how did I get here?