The Thousand Word Sentence · 1:36am May 15th, 2015

So I was digging through some gdocs tonight and found this little nugget waiting for me. Whipped this up over an afternoon around Valentine's Day, got a few chuckles from some prereaders, then got rejected for improper paragraph structure. Oh well.

Since this is a blog, however, I have no such restrictions. As such, I present to you what was tentatively titled "Pinkie Pie Eventually Asks a Question."

Enjoy!

...or don't. One reader told me they got all googly-eyed three lines in.

“Gotcha, Applejack, after looking all over Ponyville... wait, no, I mean, of course you’re at your stall, because it’s almost lunchtime, and why wouldn’t you be at your stall, ready to sell your fresh, juicy, delicious, scrumptious, and downright tasty apples because ponies would be looking for a quick snack right now, or maybe they’d want some to take home for later, and—hi, Bon Bon—right, I was looking for you, or I was searching for you, or maybe I was detecting, really, when you think about it, if you’re looking for something, the second you find it you detect it, so aren’t we always detecting stuff no matter what or where or how or why or when we look for that thing, so I guess I was detecting for you, and now that I’ve detected you, I have something really important to ask you, almost as important as asking Twilight about that whole detecting thing while it’s still on my mind, but I don’t really know where she is right now, which means I would have to searchy-looky-detecty for her, and then I’d have to searchy-looky-detecty for you again just to tell you another thing on top of the important thing I had to—the Braeburns look great today, Goldie, try one of those—speaking of Braeburns, I was thinking about that dude from Appleloosa we met last week, and I was really wishing I had a cousin of my own to talk to about all this, so I hope you don’t mind that I wrote him a letter or two or ten to ask him some stuff, because if I did have a cousin you’d think my Pinkie Sense would let me know with its cousin sensing combo—the one that goes stomach cramp, mouth watering, cross-eyes—but I haven’t had a stomach cramp since those cupcakes you helped me bake, if you can believe it because Mrs. Cake never can, but now that I think about it, I wonder if my Pinkie Sense would be able to tell me what I don’t know, like if I didn’t know I had a cousin because I didn’t know all the different ways my family were related to somepony else, like... like... learning family history and that is the greatest idea EVER, and I need to tell Twilight about it right away, but that means I would need to searcktect her all over again, and you for a third time, but I guess I won’t need to do it over the word thingy since I just came up with searcktect, so that’s one less thing distracting me from telling Applejack I’ve always had a crush on her—huh, Daisy looks really weird all of a sudden, almost like she’s surprised, but I haven’t even thrown her surprise party—whoops, almost let it slip out like you gals let that new mare slip out of town before I finished setting up her welcome party, which we totally could have had even after Twilight put the star-cub-bear thingy to sleep, but I missed inviting the mare, which gave me the greatest idea EVER, but I guess it’s the second greatest idea ever after the whole family history, but we need a town vote to decide on that, so you wait here, and I’ll go find Rainbow Dash to round up everypony at the library, right after I tell you the awesome idea, which I guess should come after I tell you the big thing I searcktected you to say, but I’ll say it anyway: shoulder mounted party rockets, which can launch a party invitation up to twenty feet with a festive burst of confetti, or a burst of festive confetti, I can’t really decide which is—Rarity would know which is better, but then I’d have to searcktect her then Rainbow then Twilight twice, and, between you and me, I’m a little worried she just doesn’t quite ‘get’ confetti—I should talk to Twilight about this, too, and maybe she knows a way to get the confetti bursting a different way each time, even though she won’t let me near her black powder anymore after what happened the last time I searcktected her, which kind of makes me think I should just drill a tunnel to the library, I’m there so much, but Mr. and Mrs. Cake really don’t want me drilling anymore, so I guess I could start drilling at Sweet Apple Acres after I move in with you, because Braeburn wrote about this trick he pulled after asking a mare to share an apple that let him steal a kiss—oh, he used a Gala apple, and you’re sold out of those, but getting back to my shoulder mounted rocket launchers, I don’t really want the confetti to burst out the same way each time, because Gummy hates doing the same thing over and over and over, and he’s always the first one I talk to about my new ideas, so if he likes it, I know it’s good, and he doesn’t like boring confetti, although I was getting a vibe that he was in one of his bad moods, but Fluttershy couldn’t say what was wrong with him, so I took him for a bounce through town, and it hit me that I’ve been keeping him cooped up too much—even though he loves his bathtub it’s a little too heavy for me to bounce with—so of course I went to Twilight, but I didn’t even need her help this time, because I can always see how happy she is with her books even though she’s cooped up just as much as Gummy is, and that’s when it hit me again: she lives in a tree, and she’s perfectly happy, so if I could get Gummy living around trees, he might be happier too—as happy as I could be after drilling a tunnel to the library, and I could really use a firing range for my rockets, which sent me searcktecting for you, so do you want to share an apple?”
Applejack blinked. “What?”
Pinkie Pie inhaled.

Have some hugs for making it through that.

And a song and dance.

Eh, one more link for the road.

Report Minds Eye · 436 views · #fun

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