For Real This Time · 11:41pm May 4th, 2015
Alright, a few months ago I added a second chapter to 'How an Actual Human Vs Pony War Would Go', but it got taken down because it was technically a blog post. Then I forgot to copy it before I deleted it, but now I found it on my computer, somehow. Anyway, here it is
Wow, I didn't expect this; I've gone from 15 followers to 52, someguy read this thing on Youtube and I'm getting notifications almost every second. First off, thank you all. Second, let's get to why I'm really doing this extra chapter. How would this actually go in real life. Not an over-exaggeration, real deal.
First, some rules I'm going by; I'm assuming that Celestia has had to deal with conflict let's say from the Gryphons but it was long in the past and all soldiers that fought in it are now dead, Alicorns in general aren't immortal just long living, the Royal Guards receive basic training, the shields Shining can use are powerful but break down after repeated physical attacks, teleportation is a medium level spell but only absolute masters in magic can teleport large items(i.e tanks)/large amount of items(i.e the opposing army or supplies), Rainbow Dash is the only pegasus who can do a Sonic Rainboom, Celestia can only control her sun(and even if we attack her dimension, she can't exactly bring the sun closer without killing absolutely everyone), pegasi can only control Equestrian weather and Celestia can't use the EoH because well, they aren't creating harmony. Let's also assume that this is a one side takes all, 2 men enter, one man leaves kind of war.
From the show, we can deduce that Celestia's Royal Guards have a cushy gig; near endless peace and not much comes up but think about it. When something does come up, they instead rely on a group of 6 teenagers and if one of those are injured or in anyway taken out of action, that magical solution is totally gone.
Tactical; Celestia is plain and simple, fucked; She and her army are trained in Medieval combat(battles with large armies in open fields/sieges of cities) and we are trained in Modern combat(quick, fierce, surprise attacks with small groups and battles with motorized vehicles). Multiple attacks on vital areas, leaders and positions will eventually force her to adapt or surrender. If Celestia tries her style of combat, we carpet bomb her forces back to the stone age with A-10s and B-2s. The Wonderbolts, as shown in the show, are more of Blue Angels than highly trained Air Force pilots and as pegasi, they do not have offensive magic and try to have a dogfight with a F-22 while your only weapons are hooves, meanwhile you can't go Mach-1(unless you're Rainbow Dash, which you aren't) and you're opponent(an F-22 Raptor) can go nearly Mach-2.2. Doesn't go well for you. While I admit that it would be quite difficult to hit a target that small, it'll be much easier than trying to catch an object that goes much faster than you and can sheer you in half in a fly by.
Edge; Humans(christ I feel like I'm in Deadliest Warrior)
Technology; I know most of you are going "Humans win Tech, NO SHIT SHERLOCK!", but let me fucking finish. But, yeah; Fighter Jets(a.k.a, metal tubes that can go supersonic speeds and are armed with 20mm cannons and Air to Air Missiles) > Pegasi(a.k.a fragile bodies of ponies that can't even go Mach-1, protected only by solid gold, fur, skin, and muscle), Firearms > Spear, Firearms >/= Magic, Kevlar > Gold Plate Armor, and Modern Warfare > Medieval Warfare. Plain and simple, the strongest magical shield in Equestria wouldn't be able to stop hundreds of soldiers, tanks and jets firing on it.
Edge; Humans
I'd continue, but I assume you get the point; Humans would win, minimal casualties, total devastation of Equestria. As Patton said, "We'll go through them like crap through a goose."
As USMC General "Mad Dog" Mattis said:
I come in peace. I didn’t bring artillery. But I’m pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, I’ll kill you all.
3045447 goddamn I love that quote
3045459 that and:
Be polite. Be professional. And have a plan to kill everyone that you meet