Second submission to EQD of "My Roommate is a Vampire". · 10:48pm Jul 12th, 2012
Here's your second strike. Sounds like it's really close. Two pre-readers looked at this, as the first one wasn't sure. Both their thoughts are below:
Hi this is prereader ALL THE SHIPS and I'll be looking at your vinyltavi-thing fic today.
Okay so I believe most of the grammar is fixed up now, but some of the stylistic issues mentioned by the previous prereader still stand in my mind. The telling is still there, though that comes most central to this style. There's no setting description almost ever, when it should be quite central to at least describe where they lived. You just kind of gave a "kitchen this way hallway this way and there is furniture." The pacing is incredibly fast and I have no idea about any of the actual settings, and just have to kind of accept that they're in order. I think this is most obvious in the scene where they are leaving the concert, and they just magic into a bar. They were walking home from being kicked out then suddenly they're drinking after one line of bartender dialog.
The first-person narration is not bad, and the fic is entertaining with such a silly premise, but at the same time, all these issues are things that I'm quite worried about.
From Pre-reader 23ish:
You're right... the story is a riot. I really liked it!
I didn't find the pacing too fast at all, honestly. However, the lack of environmental description is a showstopper for me. It might as well be taking place in a white box, for all the detail they give.
I'd send this back to them with a strike, but tell them the style is fine as is the pacing. However, they MUST describe things. Color the scenery for us. Atmosphere, etc.
PURPLE PROSE INCOMING MOTHERBUCKERS
YOU HAVE TO KEEP TRYING. It's what I would do. In fact I have started a huge project and have put together all my resources, just revamp one my fics in preparation for submitting it to EQD. You know what I'm going to do if I fail? Get up again, learn from my mistakes, and try again until I succeed. So don't give up buddy, if you keep trying and adapt, you will succeed.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Vinyl_Scratch.png
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Fluttershy_umad.png 
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra2.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_grin.png
You can do it, man. You're almost there.
228445
THERE WILL BE SO MUCH PURPLE THAT IT WILL BOGGLE THE MIND
AND YOU WILL TASTE PURPLE KOOL-AID FOR WEEKS
AND YOUR UNDERWEAR WILL BE THE COLOR OF PURPLE
PURPLE TEXT!!!!
I didn't have any problems reading you fic. It was very very very very very very very very awsome. I didn't have any trouble at all, they are just jealous that they didn't think of it.
Man, this three strikes thing always seemed like cutting it too close to me. I understand why they did it, but maybe give another strike or two? Eh whatever, EQD really isn't all that reliable (For fanfiction) anyway.
228503
Frankly, the reason we instituted the three-strike rule is because we'd get re-submissions with either NOTHING changed (which drove us nuts), or they'd fix two typos, and insist it was a work of perfection (it wasn't), or, in the case of a few fics, we'd get seven re-submissions, pointing out MORE things that are wrong, and then the author getting pissy when we told him that, no, it's not "all better", and yes, you really do need better editors.
228453
Just don't go so far that we can taste Twilight, and from the feeling I'm getting from the other pre-readers, you'll be perfect. You even impressed 23ish, which is difficult to do.
228441How did you get all those extra emoticons? I want more.
If people can't picture an apartment in their minds that is their problem.I've lived in enough two bed aparts that if you say kitchen hall bedrooms and toilet then I've got a pretty good grasp of what it looks like.
228544 Listen closely comrade, dashie (p.s i love RD too) for here is what you need.
first: you need mozila firefoxdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png
second: you need grease monkey add on for mozila firefoxdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png
third: go to this website http://userscripts.org/scripts/show/131623 and click "install"dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png
note: it only works for blogs and comments on stories. nothing else.
Eh, good luck, but me personally, I'm just glad my work gets read and appreciated at all. Don't need EQD for that.
228602Ok, here's one problem with that explanation. I hate Mozilla Firefox. Last time I used it, it went apeshit on me. Tried to open google and got Ukranian youtube. Tried to open fimfiction and got porn. Mozilla hates me, therefore I must hate it.
228530
Oh no I don't blame you for HAVING the strike system at all. In fact, I'd probably do the same. Or similar. I just think three is a little low.
228651 wow. It likes me. sorry, but I know no other way.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Rainbow_Dash.png You could try it again...
WAIT!!!
I know a way somebrony told me. I'm not sure if it works, because I have never tried it before. but apparently you can copy an emoticon that you like that you see somebrony use. Then you can img it in yourself. You could try that. It IS worth a shot.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Fluttershy_umad.png
Good luck with your next submission, man, we're all rooting for you.
Keep the chapters coming at your pace, bro. Because that's how you make perfection.
228743 Hey whatever you did, it worked!! Good Job!! Your better at this than me.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Vinyl_Scratch.png I suck at computer stuff
228759 to catch them is your real test, to train them is your cause!! PONYCON!! It's truuueeee!!! They will befriend you!!! YOU TEACH THEM AND THEY'LL TEACH YOU, POOOONNNYYYYCCCOOONNN!!! GOTTA CATCH EM ALL!! PONYCON!
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_unsuresweetie_flip.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_rainbowkiss_flip.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_rainbowderp_flip.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/eenope.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Mr_Cake.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/yay_red.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Fluttershy_umad.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Fluttershy.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Pinkie_loool.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra2.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_cry.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_gaze.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_grin.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_hmph.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_shh.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_smile.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_gasp.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_O_O.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_plot.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Cheerilee.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Vinyl_Scratch.png
228445 It's some weird glitch with FIMFiction's notification system. The other day, I got like a dozen emails telling me a fic I was following had updated.
Okay, so I'm watching this author - is that different from "tracking" a fic? I read through the FAQ on this site, but I still don't really understand what people mean when they say they "track" a story.
Sorry, I'm kind of new to this.
I think the pre-readers advice is pretty good. I did find myself having trouble at times in the story figuring out where they were and how to imagine the scene.
228602 I remember asking the exact question the other day!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Pinkie_loool.png
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png This is for you my friend! 
229236 HIYA, SKELE!!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rainbow_Dash_lolface.png I remember that question too.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png
228986
Thanks. So, tracking is the same as favoriting?
i had no problem telling where the story was taking place
odd
228651
I'm terribly late but the extra emoticons work with Google Chrome too, if that's what you use.
323030Nope, don't use Google Chrome. It messes my laptop up sometimes. It either slows things down or I get a virus off of it. Got like 10 viruses off of it last time I tried to get it.
323921
Goodness. You can talk to iloveportalz0r (Search his name, it should be fairly easy) about it working in whatever browser you use.
...By the way, what operating system do you use?
323958Windows I believe.
324020
Ah. XP, 7, Vista...?
If this sticker thats right next to the power button is any indication... 7. Just noticed the sticker.