Review: Flash Fog, by: Kwakerjak

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Disaster is coming towards Ponyville! An industrial accident in Cloudsdale has unleashed a massive fog bank, thick enough to batter around any pegasus that gets trapped in it, and cold enough to cause hypothermia to any pony caught in it unprepared. Luckily for Ponyville they have their own resident fog specialist ready to lead the town in defeating this encroaching menace. Fluttershy.

Sure she’s never actually dealt with fog like this before, but she’s got this nifty little certificate saying she’s a certified Fog Specialist, and even been using it to get some tax breaks on her house. It’s not like she’s just trying to defraud the Equestrian Revenue Service and has no idea what she’s doing... right?

Story:This is very much a “Disaster Movie” type story. Using basically the same overall formula, without really feeling cliched about it. Sure it’s got the same basic flow and tropes; Town thinks they’ve beaten the disaster, only to find out something even worse is about to happen because of it. Lone heroine having to overcome her own inner conflicts to step up and lead the town against this threat. Plucky government official who believes in her and fights the bureaucratic red tape to make sure she gets what she needs. His boss, the petty, obstructive asshole who doesn’t give a fuck about the fact lives are at stake, because him scoring points in office politics is what really matters. Extra drama and tension coming from the heroes having to save someone from the disaster that is only at risk due to their own stupidity. Yeah it’s got them all, and a few more. Yet, it never really comes off as cliched about it. It all works well together, flows naturally from the setting, characters, it all fits. None of it feels like it’s just there because that’s what the formula it’s going for says it should have. Sure on paper, just a summery, it looks rather standard and generic. But in execution, it takes those ideas and makes them work. Uses them to tell a very engaging, interesting, exciting, hilarious, and all around well crafted story about a disaster.

Not that the story is without some flaws. Just that the primary ‘disaster’ story aspect isn’t one of them. Everything directly related to that, is done pretty damn well. The story’s biggest issue comes from everything else. There is a trope called Four Lines, All Waiting it’s when a story has so many different plots and subplots going on at one time, that things get slowed down. Where so much time is spent on all the separate storylines going on, the main plot starts to feel forgotten. Flash Fog definitely suffers from this.

Now, I really dislike simply tossing out the term ‘filler’ or ‘padding’ around as an insult or criticism for the most part. Since it’s rarely done will, or the person doing so fails to point out how it’s a bad thing. Simply using the word without understanding why it’s an issue. In this case.... no neither one really applies. The sub-plots aren’t really either of them. They aren’t there simply to kill time. Simply to make the story longer. They all fit in, all flow well (Mostly) and all do work for the overall story. No one individual sub-plot is really the problem, it’s simply how many the story has, and how it equally focuses on them all. We have: Fluttershy dealing with the Fog, Fluttershy dealing with her tax issues, the CMC sub-plot, Pencil Pusher dealing with the Cloudsdale Bureaucracy, the reporter trying to get a big story out of the Disaster, even if it’s by dragging Fluttershy through the mud to do it, The romance sub-plot, Lyra and Bon-Bon’s subplot, as well as bits from Pinkie and RD as they help out with the disaster efforts. All together, it simply makes the story feel a bit... bloated. Especially when some sub-plots, while not outright filler or padding, are less well done then others, and could easily be cut, or at least shortened quite a bit without hurting the story overall.

Special highlights for what didn’t really work are the romance angle. When it was just Pencil Pusher having a crush on Fluttershy, it was rather sweet, and I do like the way everything between those two was handled. If it had just stayed between them, it would have been great. Once RD and Rarity got involved however... uuuuhhhhhhhh, did not like their parts in this sub-plot at all. And while yes, the eventual resolution to their part was very well done and a great fake out and aversion of the usual cliches. It still could have been cut without losing anything. Or Lyra and Bon-Bon. Those two were rather fun, and it was a great take on them. And I did love them... at first. But over time, as they got more and more focus, as the story kept cutting from the important stuff just for a few scenes with them. They just started getting annoying. Then there is the CMC sub-plot. Overall well done, but again, could have been preened a bit.

And again, it wasn’t even any one sub-plot was that bad. And most of them could have been fine even as is. If there wasn’t just so many of them. Altogether, it was just to much going on at once, and several that really weren’t needed at all. It all blended together to make the story feel bloated. Like the main disaster plot had been forgotten.

Now to end this section on a higher note, again everything directly about the disaster itself was very well done. Given how little the Fog actually impacted things for most of the story. How little a direct threat it seemed to pose as long as ponies were careful around it. The story did a good job of keeping it feeling like a threat. At making clear this was a major issue, this was something that had to be dealt with. At keeping the tension up, while still keeping it low key enough that it wasn’t overdone. Likely another reason for my issues with the subplots. The point where they took over, is where the up till now well done tension and keeping the story feeling like something important was going on, even in the most mundane events... kind of slipped away.

And I also liked the little time stamps between scene transitions. They weren’t REALLY needed, and you could ignore them. But they weren’t intrusive about it either. They worked to keep the story on track, to help the readers know when things were taking place. How much time had past. While being something you could ignore if you didn’t care for the idea. Just an all around well executed idea that really worked.

Characters: All around, a pretty decent job. The mane 6 came off as themselves for the most part. Were well handled. Even the parts I didn’t care for, like Rarity and RD’s shipping subplot, still felt like something they would do. Like it’s how they would go about it. Maybe feeling a tad off, or a tad exaggerated at times, but never more so then they have a tendency to do in the show depending on who’s writing. (And nowhere near as bad as some show writers tend to do). There were a few just straight “That does not work” issues. Like AJ’s first scene, and her first thought on an incoming possible disaster, was how she could use it to drive up sales. Or RD’s first few scenes of jealousy and issues with Fluttershy. Though in that case, it’s less how she was acting was wrong. Cause I could see her feeling that way, and more simply the execution could have been handled better. But overall they were minor, and pretty well done. Noting special, but decent.

The exception to that among the Mane 6 being Fluttershy. To the ‘nothing special’ part. Fluttershy was handled amazingly well here. Scared, timid, yet also able to do what needed to be done. To push that aside to help with the disaster. Never comfortable being in charge when she thought about it. But when something bad happened, or she was simply thinking about what needed to be done to save the town. She stepped right up, took charge, and did what needed to be done. It struck a very well done balance between all the aspects of her. And you could feel her growing throughout the story. Definitely one of the high points of the story was Fluttershy’s character in it.

Another is Pencil Pusher. A very well done OC, and his motivations for helping Fluttershy are also very well done. He wants to impress her, to try and score points, hoping to get her to go out with him after this. And yet, at no point does he come off as creepy about it. Or perverted, or like he’s doing something wrong. He’s not thinking “If I help her, she’ll owe me.” Or thinking that this will make her like him. He genuinely cares about her. Likes her, and is simply trying to prove himself to her. To be worthy of her. And at no point wants anything more then simply to get to know her better. Have a few dates. he’s not doing this just to bang her, but because he truly cares for her. And while that might have been his initial reason for trying to hard to help. Over time, he grows to help, simply because it feels good. It feels good to be doing something that matters. And like Fluttershy, you can see him growing throughout the story.

Engagement: For the most part the story did a very great job keeping itself moving. Making you feel like a disaster was imminent. That things were tense. Kept you reading to find out what was going to happen next. It was good at staying engaging, both for the underlying tension of the setup and main plot. But also just for the smaller stories, just for each ponies little stories. How they played into the whole. Or just for the insanely well done humor overall. As above, this did wane a bit near the end when so many sub-plots popped up and swelled into higher priority then the main plot. But it came back around to the end into a really well done, tense, atmospheric ending. Few points where the story started to drag, and could use some pruning to streamline things a bit more. But overall, a story that was easy to get drawn into and hard to put down.

Ponyness: On the whole, another really well done aspect. The characters felt in character, like themselves. The whole conflict was one that fit the setting. The overall tone felt right. Serious, but still lighthearted. While dropping that and being tense when needed. On the large scale, I could almsot see this happening as an episode of the show. The character growth from it was great. It was another way to have Fluttershy learn to overcome her insecurities without retreading ground. It was all around a very ‘pony’ story.

Until you look at some of the details. Some of the things that were added that, to me, really don’t fit with the setting. Just the shear level of bureaucratic idiocy. Ponies worrying about medical costs. The ‘journalists’ more concerned with some petty need to prove themselves right and find something negative about someone they felt snubbed them, then with how she was actually handling the crisis. Trying to manufacture outrage over something minor just for their own small ego boost.

All are things that.. yeah they are issue IRL, but we’ve seen nothing to indicate Equestria has those problems. At least not to that degree. The hospital bills one being the worst offender. I cannot see, in any way, Equestria being as hard up about screwing over it’s citizens as the US is. Can’t even say “Our world” since the whole health care costs issue is mostly a US based one. But that’s another issue. Basically, it tries to add to many tropes that are part of the rel world, without really seeing if they’d fit in well with Equestria. But they are overall relatively minor. And yes, do have to agree, it is mostly a personal preference issue. But still one things that bugged me a bit.

Baring the little social commentary aspects of the story, this could work remarkably well as an episode of the show.

Overall: Good. Another in what seems like a line of borderline ratings. On the whole, the story was very well done. Funny, entertaining. he writing was good. Characters were unique, in character, and fun to watch. And the whole disaster aspect was handle almost brilliantly. On those aspects, it should be rated higher. But what drags it down is the sub-plot bloat. Is how much time was spent on ancillary things. Overall this is a very promising, very well done story at it’s core. That simply needed a bit tighter editing and some sub-plot preening to reduce the Four lines, All Waiting aspect of it. but even then, all it does is pull down an otherwise amazing story into something, still good, but slightly less amazing. Still a story I greatly enjoyed reading, with tons of great humor, drama, and a really well handled romance element that was done superbly. At least between the two leads.