Things Are Going Smoothly

Just thought I'd give a quick update on what's going on with the chapter, and I'd like to give a quick thanks!

I'd like to thank everyone who chose to give their own two cents on the previous chapter!

For all of you who told me that the last chapter seemed to be a little jumpy and confusing in some bits. I've decided to add a transitioning line after every page break in the next chapter.

For instance:

:[-]:

Everfree Forest, 9:42 AM

Just a small bit of detail to let the reader know where the scene takes place and what time of day it is. To clarify I'm only doing this so that the reader doesn't get confused, because I have the tendency to jump around between the two parties (human and ponies). One moment it's before a event, then after, then during, then we're back to before, etc., etc.

Not only will I be doing that, I'm also training myself to sticking to only 1-2 characters per-chapter. Hopefully, one half pony, second half human or vice versa. Hopefully I'll be able to stick to these two methods, and if the first one works out rather well I may go back and add these small transitioning bits into the previous chapters!

Other than that, the next Star Swirl chapter is still under development, and I'll talk to you guys later!

Comments

[Frazone]

Some added order to the frequent perspective jumps is much appreciated. Though it might not be significant if you do only stay with two characters a chapter, I would ask that you also include the name of the person that segment's perspective is tolled from.

[Immortan Joe]

2910537

Though it might not be significant if you do only stay with two characters a chapter

You may be right on that. I'm trying to limit it because a lot of people are getting confused on who is who, or: Why are there so many characters in this story (when in reality there are only a total of four characters the story is told from)!

I would ask that you also include the name of the person that segment's perspective is tolled from.

Now that there isn't really a bad idea. However, the story sorta kinda already does something like that in a more subtle fashion (maybe even too subtle). It tells the reader in a way such as this–

Jonathan Conway woke to the sound of his chamber door opening.

–Lazarus Chapter 13 first ever sentence

By displaying the character's full name (or even their first) in the first sentence usually lets the readers know who they'll be following.

I really appreciate your feedback and I'm glad you agree with one of my choices!

[More Dakka]

This is welcome news.