Critique Review: Always Calm is Flutter's Mom · 4:42pm Mar 25th, 2015
Hello, everypony. I am the Critique.
Well, after the last two weeks of torture I’ve had to endure, I decided that now would be the perfect time to actually try to find something good on the shelf to make me feel better. Also, the doctor I’ve been seeing the past couple of weeks has recommended that I take something for my blood pressure.
*Pops pills into his mouth*
So, this week… I’ll be taking a look at something that brings me joy. I’ve been doing some digging and I’ve found what better place to start feeling better about myself than with my favorite pony.
Okay, besides myself. Fluttershy.
What can be said about Fluttershy? She’s cute, she’s funny, she’s helpful, and she always treats others with kindness.
… Most of the time…
Many of you probably don’t care my reasons for liking Fluttershy over the others, so I won’t go into detail. But she’s one of the first ponies I ever liked in the series and continues to be most loved by me to this day.
So, it only makes sense to cheer me up by reading about my favorite pony. So, let dig into Always Calm is Flutter’s Mom by Night—Mist and see if this can capture the complex personality of my favorite character.
It was a peaceful Friday morning at Fluttershy's cottage.
As opposed to last Friday, when vampires took over the minds of Fluttershy’s animals and sent them on a rampage.
MAYBE I WILL MARRY EQUESTYLVANIA! WHAT’S IT TO YOU?!
"Now Angel Bunny, I want you to be nice to my mother when she shows up. I know how much she's gonna wanna tickle you," Futtershy said.
I don’t want it to be like last year where you took her into the basement and tried to sacrifice her to an ancient evil god. … Where did you get that red robe?
Also, who the hell is ‘Futtershy’?
Oh, I know. This is just in case the story gets Fluttershy out of character! The story has its own explanation! Now, I know if Fluttershy is ever out of character, I can breathe easy knowing it’s not really her.
And if she is in character, who the hell is ‘Futtershy’?!
"Mr. Honeycomb, you make sure not eat too much at once while she's here. It's very rude to over eat while we have guests," Fluttershy said to her bear friend.
No, it’s rude to get yourself something to eat without offering anything to the guest. They may not take, but at least they know you aren’t a selfish asshole.
Futtershy continues to talk to her animal friends wanting to make the best appearance she can for her mother, Kind Heart.
A knock comes at the door and Futtershy answers it to, who else, her mother.
She bared a striking resemblance to her daughter. In fact the only way to tell them apart wa by their manes. Where Fluttershy's was pink, Kind Heart's was Sky Blue.
… So, her mane was another OC pony?
Did she take her to her basement and cut her up before deciding to wear her like a piece of clothing? If so, I can see where Angel gets his violent cult tendencies from.
I don’t think Sky Blue should be capitalized here. Unless of course that is what you mean, in which case, you are sick!
"I am better know that I get to see you mom. All the animals have been excited to see you. I was glad they weren't too excited," Fluttershy said in her shy tone.
Know that we are all here, I would like to propose a toast! Here and know, we can all be just friends and now how to say the words we need to now!
Also, something that continues to be addressed in this story is what type of tone these characters are using when they speak. I’m not saying that stating the tone is bad, but when it is done constantly like it does it this, it kind of gets annoying.
"Beaverton Beaver. Don't gnaw on any hardoak branches or you'll get a tooth ache again, and we remember what happened last time, so only maple like my mom said before," She said in a soft tone.
"Hello my little angel, how are you today?" Kind Heart asked in her motherly tone.
"I am better know that I get to see you mom. All the animals have been excited to see you. I was glad they weren't too excited," Fluttershy said in her shy tone.
Yes, this is the third time we’ve seen this in this story so far. We’re barely 1000 words in!
Also, why would Futtershy have a shy tone with her mother? I know she’s afraid of going to the supermarket, but normally a mother is an image that is associated with safety and love. Why would Futtershy be nervous or afraid of that? If that is the case, why was this not mentioned earlier? Based on what I saw, she was pretty excited to see her mother. Why would she suddenly be nervous?
Are they on bad terms? Does Futtershy have some bad news to tell her? Does her mother like to beat on her with a crowbar? I don’t know, but give me something!
Anyway, Futtershy welcomes Kind Heart into her home and she greets all the animals.
Honeycomb blushed. "Tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk, you need to put on a few more pounds if you wanna stay warm during your hibernation dear," Kind Heart said motherly.
Honeycomb: But Futtershy said…
Kind Heart: EAT, DAMN YOU! And while you’re at it, get me a beer!
"Mr. Honey Badger, you haven't eaten too many juneberries again have you?" Kind Heart asked quizzically.
HONEY BADGER TAKES WHAT IT WANTS!
They continue to tour the cottage and Futtershy thinks about how her cutie mark is a near mirror image of her mother’s. Because like the Apples, your cutie mark can only be whatever your parents are…
Which makes no sense, since in Fluttershy’s song, she admits to never seeing butterflies and that she’d never been near the ground before! So, if Futtershy’s mom has the same cutie mark as she does, how is it that Fluttershy was never introduced to any ground animals?! If Futtershy’s mom was good with animals, wouldn’t she want her daughter to have animal pets to play with growing up?
Or was she an anti-flytite?!
Hm… Actually, that would be more original than half the fics I’ve ever read.
We learn a bit more about Futtershy’s mother and that she has a very protective nature. Especially when it comes to Futtershy.
She would never get into fights with other ponies, unless the occasion called for it, and ever since Fluttershy was born, Kind Heart also had her maternal sense kick in and always wanted to protect her daughter when she could. Some who knew her even even nicknamed her Brave Heart.
Jesus, I’m getting all kind of material for Fluttershy fan fiction! So, the mom is a nazi and Braveheart?
I’ve got to admit… I didn’t see that coming…
Once the hellos were through,
Which would have been nice to see.
Kind Heart sat down with her daughter on the couch. "So how have you been dear? Stallions haven't been giving you trouble here have they?" Kind Heart asked.
Well, there is this one stallion who keeps stalking me, leaving me gifts on my front porch and calls my phone but doesn’t say anything. He also keeps making fun of me.
Futtershy’s Mom: Don’t worry, dear. I’ll take care of him like I did Gilda.
Oh, and I’m not even kidding about Gilda.
"You're my daughter Flutter's, and no stallion or mare hurts my little girl in any shape or form. That Griffon learned her lesson after I was done with her," Kind Heart said in a defensive tone.
Jesus, mom! What did you do to Gilda?! The story never mentions so… No, I’m sure it’s fine. After all, this is Fluttershy’s mother, one of the kindest souls I know, she would never…
JESUS!
So, Kind Heart exposits that she wished she could go back to the days where Futtershy was helpless and needed her mother. Well, somepony is certainly clingy. Will this come back to haunt the story?
Nope. Just throwing it out there. A quirk. Nothing to do with the story. Nothing that serves any point. Even though this is deep rooted psychological issue that should probably be addressed.
Kind Heart says that she’s going to move to Ponyville. This excites Fluttershy and they decide to celebrate by having a special lunch together.
They start to get the lunch ready, but Futtershy says that she’s out of apple cider.
As Kind Heart set the table, Fluttershy went to the fridge to grab the food and drinks she could find. She then noticed she was out of wild apple cider (non-alcoholic). "Oh, mom, it looks like I ran dry of wild apple cider. I'll go get some more," Fluttershy said.
Um… thanks. I assumed it was… Or does every pony in the show actually drink alcoholic beverages during apple cider season?
That might explain Rainbow Dash’s annoyance at not getting any.
No apple cider make Rainbow Dash go crazy!
So, Futtershy decides to go and pick up some more at Sweet Apple Acres…
Okay, you mentioned that you don’t want to be rude to your guest and yet you leave her alone in your house while you go out and get more cider?! Take her with you! She’s moving to Ponyville anyway! You might as well give her the tour and meet up with your friends, spreading the news! Making sure her stay is comfortable!
Futtershy is a fucking hypocrite!
No wonder the animals want to revolt!
So, Fluttershy heads out to Sweet Apple Acres and… then goes back home… Wow… that scene added a lot.
You think I’m kidding? Take a look at this…
She made her way to the apple farm and offered to pay Applejack for the cider, but said it was on the house due the fact her mother was in town. Fluttershy made her way to the wild apple tree area of the farm and was met with a challenge. all the apples were either fermented or the tree was picked clean. She searched for a long while until she came upon a tree that had wild apple ripe enough and not fermented.
Having been given a filter to take out any imperfections in the juice, Fluttershy picked a few and got to work as she filled her pitcher up with the cider. Soon it was full enough she threw the apples to the side and let the earth reclaim them to grow more. She then made her way back over to where Applejack and thanked her for letting her get what she needed.
Yeah, that scene was really necessary for this story, wasn’t it? I mean, Applejack… doesn’t even have a line of dialogue. There’s nothing here that added anything to the story, anything that adds to the characters, nothing of value came from this scene. Hell, you might even say the scene never happened. So why add it?
If anything, it slows the pacing down since it requires Futtershy to leave the actual plot to go elsewhere that doesn’t add anything. It’s just wasting our time!
Was the story too short so you needed to add that extra two paragraphs? Focus on the characters! The relationship between Futtershy and her mother! Isn’t that why I’m reading this to begin with?!
And it’s not like the mother does anything because, when we get back, nothing happened to her! She wasn’t murdered in her home and thus Futtershy wants to spend the rest of her life hunting criminals! She isn’t even inconvenienced by stubbing her hoof or something! She’s just… tickling Angel! Oh, yeah, because Futtershy needed to be out of the room to make that scene work!
So, they talk… I guess… If you can call this talking…
They soon sat down and began eating their lunch. They talked about how Fluttershy should find herself a nice stallion to date and possibly marry someday and how many of the adventures Fluttershy's been on nearly dwarfed Kind Hearts own adventures in comparison. It then came time for the cider and Kind Heart only asked for a small glass. Fluttershy poured her a very small amount, but she gave herself a full glass.
I call this ‘Have your characters talk… But not really.’
It’s a common trope in bad fics. The story tells its audience that its characters are talking about something, but we never see the conversation. We never see them play off each other. We never see them interact, but apparently they do.
And that should be enough, because why would you want to be shown anything of these characters and their relationship together? It’s not like they are supposed to be super close due to years and years of interaction with each other… Oh, wait, YES, THEY ARE!
So, they have their toast to Kind Heart staying in Ponyville.
Fluttershy nodded and drank the rest of her's as they continued to chat.
Again, great development here.
And they decide to turn in for the night.
Fluttershy helped to get all her animal friends down to sleep, and as always, Angel Bunny was the most stubborn. "Come on Angel, you need to get rest so you can feel bright and bushy tailed tomorrow," Fluttershy said.
Get it? He’s a rabbit!
"I'll try to remember that one mom," she yawned.
"Aww, is my little girl getting tired?" Kind Heart said.
"It's been a long day mom, I think we could both use the bed rest, I mean, if you think we should," Fluttershy said.
And this is another problem I have with this story, the mother babies Futtershy. God, she is the mother that won’t let her child grow up. And what’s worse, Futtershy is completely submissive! This should be the central source of conflict between the two. That Futtershy is an adult mare and that her mother has to let go. Not stop loving her, but realize she is an adult!
Now, you can hint that maybe Futtershy doesn’t want to upset her or is afraid to speak up, but this story doesn’t hint at it at all! And if that’s what you’re going for, it’s going to end up undermining it because it’s poorly executed!
The next morning, Kind Heart wakes up to see that something strange appeared in the dead of night.
Aww… I could just eat you up… Computer, get my butcher’s knife…
Yep, this is what appears in Futtershy’s bed rather suddenly. There’s no explanation as to why it suddenly is the way it is, but… Hey, maybe that’s what non-alcoholic beverages do to you. Which is why I only drink alcoholic ones.
'how is it that my little girl is my little baby girl again,' Kind Heart thought to herself.
No. The correct answer was…
THE FLYING FUUUUUUU-?!
But it turns out that Futtershy wasn’t the only one changing last night.
As she looked up she looked in a mirror that was sitting across from her and Fluttershy and she saw another sight that amazed her. She was at least twenty years younger, having been a forty three year old mare before hoof, but, unless you were her or her daughter, you could hardly tell, since her family was known for keeping their youth and so many ponies always asked what the secret was.
So, yeah, Futtershy is now an infant and the mother is now a young adult. How is this possible you asked? Because… the god’s demanded it?
So, rather than, oh, I don’t know… Calling Princess Celestia about it! Kind Heart decides to take advantage of Futtershy’s helplessness and care for her like she’s done before.
God, this woman is making Pamela Voorhees look like the more sane and rational woman.
So, as our mother of the year tries to figure out what to do next, Futtershy talks to her.
"Mama, what appen?" Fluttershy asked.
So, I guess, the 2 month old… No, seriously, the 2 month old is talking and speaking in sentences… What? Your 2 month old wasn’t engaging in a full conversation with you? There’s something wrong with your child! And you should feel ashamed as parents!
So, they try to figure it out and Fluttershy mentions a tree that they gathered the apples from to make the cider. Again, great time seeing that! Which makes the scene with Applejack all the more pointless! Yeah, great mention of the ‘white tree’ that Fluttershy picked apples from!
So, apparently, Fluttershy found the Apple Tree of Youth… I am not even fucking with you there. As for what it is… Just… Just read…
"Fluttershy, you found 'The Apple Tree of Youth'. That tree was given to the apple family by the princesses long ago, but it was thought to be pure myth, just a story told by the Apple family to entertain children. Some of the Apple members, like Apple Dumpling and Apple Cider claimed to have eaten it's fruit to stay alive to talk about it, but many ponies thought they were joking. Huh, I guess they weren't. Now we're both young again," Kind Heart said.
So… let me get this straight… The Apple Family has a tree that can produce fruit that if you consume it then you will never age. You will in fact regress in age and live a longer lifespan. … WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY NOT SELLING THIS SHIT?!
The Apple Family is constantly in financial stress! Why not sell their secrets to a lab or something?! Hell, just sell it as is! Ponies would pay an arm and a leg for apples that cause age regression that prevents you from dying!
Also, it’s a legend?! Why the fuck does nopony know about this?! Does the Apple family just ignore this one tree?! Do they think it taboo?
And there’s the fact that, Kind Heart is taking this in stride. But she’s a psychopath anyway, so, no surprise there.
Hell, forget Futtershy and Kind Heart, I’m more interested in the fucking tree than I am these characters!
So, Kind Heart explains that Futtershy will be a foal and will age at a normal rate with no way to age them to their proper ages.
The only thing they can do is enjoy it. Instead of going to Celestia and trying to find another way.
So, after a pointless breast feeding scene, Kind Heart decides to go and explain everything to the main six, who, I’m sure, will be just dandy with having their best friend be an infant. It will go great to put a baby in danger when going up against Sombra.
So, they head over to Princess Twilight’s house, which brings up the question, why the fuck don’t they just go to Discord? And they explain everything that happened.
Twilight's mouth gaped open in shock. "Um, Princess Twilight are you okay?" Kind Heart asked.
"She... you... but I... how does... uuuuuuuuh," Twilight fainted in front of Kind Heart after seeing the state of her friend.
"Princess!" Kind Heart bellowed as she hurried inside and took Twilight to a nearby couch.
Yes, Princess Twilight! She can face manticores, dragons, hydras, and even a God of Chaos himself, but a baby?! That’s simply too much!
It even gets better with this line…
She soon closed the door and got some cold water and a rag, getting Twilight back to her feet once more. "Sweet Celestia, she' the fourth one this has happened to," Twilight blurted out.
Wait… So you’ve seen this three other times?! Then why the flying fuck did you faint?! Was it really that shocking this time that it caused you to have a reaction on this scale?! What happened the first time?! Did they need to rush you to a hospital?!
But it turns out that Twilight has some more babies on hoof as she shows Kind Heart baby versions of Spike, Lightning Dust and Rainbow Dash.
"The Apple Tree of Youth is supposed to be pure myth. No trace of it has been found. No documents, no scientific artifacts to it's location. It was just the word of the Apples and other ponies that were the only proof if any. And you know that not many ponies trust solely on just the words of others these days. But you and Fluttershy are living proof it exists.
And yet, it was found at Sweet Apple Acres! Do the Apple Family just not keep tabs on their land?! You’d think an apple tree that could reverse the aging process would be more recorded or something! Why don’t you go to Applejack and ask her ‘What the fuck is going on?’
Applejack is a horrible lair! You’d be able to call her bullshit!
But no… Going to Twilight first makes way more sense!
For that matter, after Rainbow Dash or Spike turned, why didn’t Twilight go to Sweet Apple Acres to confront Applejack?!
So, Kind Heart suggests that Princess Twilight send a letter to Celestia and Twilight… thinks it’s a good idea!
Why the hell wasn’t that the first thing you did, Twilight?!
So, Kind Heart leaves Twilight and makes her way to Sweet Apple Acres where she meets up with the Apple Family.
Kind Heart explains what happened and get a load of this bullshit…
The Apple Family felt a tad guilty for not warning Fluttershy in the first place, course, they themselves had forgotten it had been there in the first place.
… You forgot?
You forgot?!
You forgot you have an apple tree that can make you immortal?! You have a tree that can reverse the aging processes essentially making ponies immortal! A gift from the princess! And you are telling me you forgot it was there?!
Isn’t that like saying Superman just forgot how to fly?! Or Batman forgetting that he’s a multibillionaire?! I don’t think that’s something you just forget!
Kind Heart leaves, again, the Apples adding nothing to the overall plot of the story and she runs into Discord.
So, Discord explains how he knows about Futtershy’s and the others predicament by…
"I read the author's other stories," Discord mumbled looking down.
Making a forth wall joke…
Yeah, what they don’t show you is his review.
Discord: A laughable attempt at best… 1 out of 5.
So, Discord heads off after saying hello to Babyshy and Kind Heart takes her home.
Meanwhile, Discord and Celestia discuss what to do about our… problem…
"Oh, you know how some of these sailors are, they have so much on their mind that they find enjoyment in seeing their favorite ponies become foals in the most bizarre ways your highness," Discord said.
The same could be said for every clop fic writer.
And we get an author’s note about Discord dealing with our storyteller. This would be funny or clever if it was… well, funny or clever…
Yeah, I can’t recommend this one.
The plot is weak, all the characterization is pushed aside and it straight up doesn’t make any sense.
The stuff with Fluttershy and Kind Heart needed to be fleshed out more. The characters needed to actually have a conversation, getting a sense of how they interact with one another. This story never does that preferring to take the easy way out and say they were just talking. About what? Who? When? Where? Why? How? These questions were never answered and in the end, you just feel cheated.
The turning into babies never went anywhere. Why transform these characters into babies if you aren’t going to build on that? It’s just an excuse to show how motherly the author is. Why do you need to transform the characters into babies like this to show that?! Wouldn’t it make a lot more sense to just have it early on in their childhood if that’s all you wanted to accomplish with this story?
There is no reason to make Futtershy, or any of the characters in this, babies. It never goes anywhere and it doesn’t contribute to the characters or the story.
The breaking of the fourth wall thing at the end could have worked if it was built up to something with some kind of payoff. Maybe the author really needed the mother to be taught a lesson or maybe the author is really sadistic, but no, it never comes to that. It’s never built up, it’s never referenced, and it just comes out of nowhere for no reason whatsoever.
It’s just there so it can be there with no reason for it to exist.
The grammar and spelling are all over the place. Sometimes it’s decent, but other times it’s like the story couldn’t give a shit. I only pointed out a few spelling errors throughout this thing and even I didn’t catch them all. And to be honest, it’s really distracting. It takes you out of the moments that the story is trying to have.
Not that the story is that good at keeping your attention anyway, with his cardboard characters, nonsensical plot, and overuse of talking head syndrome.
This story is not the story I was hoping for and it’s certainly not a story I will be returning to anytime soon.
It’s funny because this story starts with a warning about overadoribleness.
Warning!!! Warning!!! This story contains diapers, breastfeeding, cuddling and cuteness. If you have a fragile heart, beware. You have been warned.
No, what it should have said was…
Warning!!! Warning!!! This story contains bad spelling, inconsistent grammar, lack of characterization and a plot. If you want a quality story, beware. You have been warned.
Much better.
Have a good day, guys.
Well, that’s all I can stand for today.
*Doorbell rings*
Now, who could that be?
*Opens the door to see a pony that looks like Futtershy with a Sky Blue mane*
Pony: Hello, is this the Critique?
Yes.
Pony: I’m Kind Heart. Fluttershy’s mother. I’d like to talk to you about my daughter.
Oh, sure. Come on in.
*The door closes*
Now, how can I help…? Wait… what are you doing with that chain saw?
Ahhhhh!
Kind Heart: Stalk my daughter, will you?! Get over here! It will only hurt til you die!
AHHHHHHHHHHH!
okay quick question have you read any of his other stories besides the ones that involve this ? also I think he is a pretty good writer try The Magic Within it's pretty darn good but that's me.
Tharen
Yeah, you deserve it.
Except that Fluttershy herself is a vampire, don't you know?
A simple mistake (having made a few of my own I'll let it slide)
Honey Badger don't care!
I thought it was that butterflies never flew high enough to reach Cloudsdale, but it's been a while since I've seen that episode.
Yeah...
I ate her liver with some fava beans, and a nice Chianti... (Insert that weird hissing noise)
I'm getting weird Pattycakes vibes from this...
I've had some problems with padding in my stories; usually I try to avert them by having someone around for meaningful conversation.
Still not as bad as Secret of Queen Annalese.
Her's? It should be hers, not Her's!
See? You should always care for your beloved
smothermother.Then why do bad BDSM fics have her as a dom?
blogs.psychcentral.com/couples/files/2014/07/tumblr_n1zi5rWB2V1r7b6cio1_500.gif
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130530164421/marvel_dc/images/5/56/Batman_0180.jpg
Indeed.
And my hope for this story is rapidly deteriorating. There's something just off about some of these stories where characters regress in age until they're babies (unless it's played for comedy or has a good explanation; I read one Young Justice fic where the League got turned into babies because of magic and Artemis was stuck with babysitting duties while Zatanna tried to fix everything. It was hilarious). When it's done like this, it dips too far into the uncanny valley for my tastes.
Because that's not creepy at all!
Wait, so they picked fruit from the tree of Gondor?
So, it's like all those stories about Tom and Bloomberg?
Totally not creepy!
THIS is why I hate these stories; turning them into babies just makes them totally helpless and completely derails everything I liked about the character, and it's just CREEPY! Is there any indication that Fluttershy's mental capacities have regressed as well, because then GUH I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT ANYMORE!
Way to kill even more of the Mane 6's competence, author
Also, Fourth Wall; "forth wall" is something else entirely.
Blow up this section of the internet and forget this ever happened. Simple enough.
In the words of Stupidboy Whine: I'LL KILL YOU TO DEATH!
And I had high hopes that you would get a good story to review... oh well
2909588 I'm not trying to make anyone feel badly about liking this story. I'm just giving my opinions on what the story is to me. If you like the story, you shouldn't feel bad about doing so.
As for the author, I haven't really read many of his works. This is the only story I've read. I'll definitely take a look at the suggested fic and give my honest thoughts about it.
Thank you for reading my review, I hope you enjoyed it. Have a great day.
On the plus side, it only lack quality as opposed to draining anything good from your soul like some other stories.
2909725
THAT STORY DOES NOT EXIST.
What the Hell story is this?!
Of course it's alcoholic, didn't you see how it foamed? I doubt that so many ponies would come for NON-alcoholic cider. Besides, didn't you read my review, which is quite clearly clever and canon?
... Cynical, you're a dumbass.
Quiet you.
This face. I like it. I also like that Simpsons Treehouse of Horror reference.
... If your liver were a live, it would stab you in the chest repeatedly for abusing it.
That sounds strangely-OH SWEET MERCIFUL GOD NO! I'M HAVING PATTY CAKES FLASHBACKS! Jesus Christ, I'm not joking! I literally had a flashback! That f*cking story apparently traumatized me, and this stupid fic ID A GOD DAMN TRIGGER! I already hate this thing!
Actually, that's a bit exaggerated, but has some truth in it. When my niece was 2 months old, she was able to form broken sentences, some of which made sense. Quite similar to the one shown here, actually.
Hey Dash, what did I miss? I just teleported out to Sweet Apple Acers and stole their immortality plant! I'm going to live forever! The apples are also pretty tasty.
Anyways, great review! Oh, and one last thing:
Ah, Kind Heart. She always was one of my best enforcers. She left the mob when she had that kid, but she was still incredible in her killing abilities and loyalty. This is why you should always keep at least 2 guns and a knife on you when you get into the crime world.
2910217 Sadly, it does.
2917324 We never talk about that! It never happened!
2918343 Sadly, it is burned into my bloody memory. I can NEVER forget. Remember this: