First Contest

Hi guys! I recently entered myself in a writing contest, the theme of which was "on the battlefield". It was hosted by NixWorld, and although I didn't win it was a lot of fun! Besides, the winner, -TGM-, had an awesome entry. Well done, sir!

Anyway, I thought I would share with you my entry...

The earth was bare, scorched and split by the battle. Weapons lay scattered, along with skeletons centuries old, the rage and horror on their faces permanently etched on. The sky, as it had always been, was dark and hidden by morose clouds that overlooked the land like a mourning family.
Diamond Heart rose wearily, shaking her crimson mane. The second War of the Wood had devastated her, but at least she had been saved. One of her close friends, a unicorn named Spellbinder, had wrapped the young soldier in a preservation hex. The strategist, on the other hoof, hadn't been so lucky.
She picked up the ax nearby, her old favorite. She drifted a clawed hoof across its moldy surface, remembering how incredible it had felt to wield it, how the light from a dying sun reflected brilliantly on its steel. How shocked she had been when she'd made her first kill - and reveled in it.
The pegasus frowned as she recounted her life. Maybe this time, if whoever had come to this Glix-forsaken place could forgive her, she could begin again.
Her hopes shattered as a shining figure stepped over a ridge. "Of all my students, Diamond Heart, you are by far the cruelest. I was wrong to bring you here." The horrible inferno that lit inside her at Celestia's words consumed her, ate her alive.
"I'm sorry, my teacher," She sobbed. "If something like this were to happen in real life... I am no Daughter of the Wolves." She looked over the landscape of the simulation. She had destroyed this world, just like her pack had said she would when she left for Canterlot.
Two months ago, she had responded to a flyer she'd seen on a board just outside her home, the Everfree Forest. It was an application for magic-bearing earth ponies, an invitation to visit Princess Celestia for evaluation and a chance to become a student in material manipulations. Her family, a pack of Timberwolves and a stallion from the Outskirts, had been sad to see her go - but evidently more scared of her terrible power as a Warmaker Wolf. Thanks to the magic that she'd absorbed from the war, she would be immortal - but it was too dangerous for her to leave.
The Princess sighed. "You have paid dearly for your crimes; I cannot let you wake, but perhaps..." She paused, considering whether or not this would come to bite her. "You could rule in this world, help those who choose to return. You are too vicious for Equestria, but maybe this could come in handy. One day, when you are wise and weary, summon me and I will come to bring you home. You are, after all, the unbreakable jewel."
Diamond smiled. "Thank you, Princess. I will do as you bid. When you return, you will find utopia!"
Celestia nodded sadly. Overconfidence was what had gotten the wolf child in trouble in the first place. She left Diamond Heart in a flash of light, hoping against hope that her pupil would succeed.

... Now that I look over it, it's really a bit of first-draft work. In addition, I realized I changed the protagonist from pegasus to earth pony halfway through... I'm sure I could write a good story from this, but... Oh well! It would be much appreciated if you guys could give me some feedback, as I'm still just starting out.

Bye for now,
WindyTheWarrior