Read It Now Reviews #22 – Waiting for Perfect, Blood, Sweat, and Algae, Lamps to Light the Dark, May I Sleep on You?, Apple Knots · 9:29pm Mar 1st, 2015
As promised, I posted a new story yesterday:
To the Sun
Slice of LifeLuna and Twilight devise a spell to go back in time and view the dream that inspired Celestia to become an alicorn.
It's not what they expected.
This was one of my entries from the "All In" writeoff; there yet remains one more entry from that competition which I have not finished editing for the site, as well as two other, previous writeoff stories. This one, however, is short and fun (or at least, I think it is fun), and hopefully you all will enjoy it.
I’ve been trying to release at least one new piece of prose every week; we’ll see if I can keep it up. Next on the agenda is chapter 4 of Mistletrapped, along with finishing up a few other stories I’ve got which are near completion.
But enough about me! Onto the stories of everyone else.
The stories I read today:
Waiting for Perfect by Foals Errand
Blood, Sweat, and Algae by HoofBitingActionOverload
Lamps to Light the Dark by Ponydora Prancypants
May I Sleep on You? by jkbrony
Apple Knots by BlazzingInferno
Waiting for Perfect
by Foals Errand
Romance, Comedy, Slice of LifeShe is just beautiful, so talented, so brilliant. Celestia would give her crown up for a chance to be with a mare like her. But, she can't just ask her out. The timing must be perfect.
Why I added it: It was featured and featured Twilestia.
Review
The story is about Luna dragging Celestia through visions of the past and asking at each juncture why Celestia did not ask Twilight out on a date, with Celestia coming up with an excuse every time.
As is all-too-frequently frequently the case in Twilestia stories, Celestia is not particularly in character here; neither, for that matter, is Luna. The characters’ voices don’t come through clearly in the lines which are put in their mouths, and indeed, they don’t sound much like Luna and Celestia, using words like “Nah” which seem oddly informal coming out of their mouths. Likewise, the way Luna speaks about Celestia “asking out” Twilight just feels weird, and given that it lies at the heart of the story, this weirdness pulls on me. A lot of the dialogue doesn’t feel natural at all, making odd word choices or phrases which simply are not used by real people:
“P-please?” I was too mortified to even attempt being formal, I was almost able to see Luna mark off another win for herself. “Do I need to explain why this was not the perfect time?”
“Nah. With the way Twilight sprinted away from you the moment you told her she had passed made it quite clear there wasn’t much of a chance you even had a chance to tell her how you felt, much less ask her out.” Luna shrugged, the scene turning to dream mist as Twilight dashed from my side.
“Wait, if you knew this wasn’t a so called ‘perfect time’, why did we even come here?” I cocked my head, waiting for what had to be a profound reason.
Luna simply shrugged. “No real reason. I just enjoyed seeing that hidden blush when you realised you actually could be with Twilight. In fact, were you gazing at her plot as she ran from the room, Tia?”
Also, I really despise when people use the word “plot” in a story to mean a pony’s rump or rear; while the original image macro was amusing, the use of the term in the fandom always pulls me out of a story.
Recommendation: Not Recommended
Blood, Sweat, and Algae
by HoofBitingActionOverload
Slice of LifeCelestia and Luna were once foals, and as all foals do, they had a natural aptitude for casual slaughter.
On a stuffy, hot summer day, two fillies go out from their home and find a brook to play in. When they leave the brook that afternoon, they do not leave empty-hoofed. Afterwards, Celestia achieves something incredible while Luna silently watches on.
Why I added it: HoofBitingActionOverload is a good writer.
Review
This is a bizarre story, written in an oddly rambling sort of way. Luna and Celestia do not yet have their names, and are apparently orphans, or simply never had any parents, and while Celestia looks after her little sister, Luna seems to have no small amount of resentment towards her.
Unfortunately, as Bad Horse pointed out in the comments, the story feels a bit weird – while the story’s ending seems to imply that something has changed, the rest of the story doesn’t really give us that impression at all. Luna is clearly pretty evil here, even as a small child, while Celestia seems more caring, if careless in the manner of a child.
It is only 1,600 words long, but the story felt a bit too disjointed for me to really end up caring. If you'd like to read a dark experimental tale about Luna and Celestia as foals, you might like it, but it didn't really quite do it for me.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Lamps to Light the Dark
by Ponydora Prancypants
Slice of Life, Alternate UniverseTwilight Sparkle is feeling a little glum about her long-term prospects. Can Rarity help her formulate a less gloomy understanding of the nature of the universe?
Why I added it: Ponydora Prancypants is a good writer.
Review
Apparently today is “TD reads weird stories” day.
Here, we have Rarity and Twilight as godlike cosmic entities; Twilight has long since developed a horrible sense of ennui, while Rarity continues to create new things on a galactic scale. Twilight believes it is all futile, driving the Universe towards destruction all the more quickly, while Rarity believes that her creations are ultimately saving the Universe, despite her lack of understanding of physics and apparent forgetfulness.
I wasn’t overfond of this; it was a very weird story and it seemed like it was trying to play coy with exactly what was going on when it became obvious almost from the start what was going on. Rarity and Twilight’s voices both felt off, and I never really got into the story because I pretty much saw how it was going to go at the start, and it never really threw me off from that.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
May I Sleep on You?
by jkbrony
Slice of LifeUnwilling to sleep in his own boring and less-than-comfortable bed, Spike presents Twilight with a deep and compelling argument as to why she should be his bed for the night.
TwiSpike cuddle time abounds...
Why I added it: It was featured.
Review
And the streak of strange stories continues.
One might expect this to just be something about them snuggling up as they fall asleep, but it is actually a bit more complicated than that, as Spike makes the request to sleep on top of Twilight and goes through an explanation of why he wants to do so tonight.
This story is pure fluff, but the weirdness of Spike’s explanation just made the whole thing feel off to me; it could have been cutesy, but instead it just felt strange and took away from the fuzzy feeling of “Spike being cute and coming up with reasons why he should be sleeping on top of Twilight tonight.”
Recommendation: Not Recommended
Apple Knots
by BlazzingInferno
Slice of LifeLotus is a professional masseuse. She sees the pony below the skin, and tends to coax just as much out of their mouthes as their muscles. Late one day, she gives three very different massages to three close friends, all of whom mention a name she isn't familiar with: Applejack.
Why I added it: It was in the Closing Time Writeoff competition.
Review
Lotus silently gives a massage to four different ponies – Rarity, Fluttershy, Twilight, and, finally, Applejack. As she gives each of them a massage, her work on their muscles leads each pony to work through their problems verbally, and with each release, they feel better – both physically and emotionally.
Lotus remains silent throughout the piece, letting her massage “speak” for her, and apparently she’s quite good at it.
This story is interesting for its premise and execution; there’s not much real story here, but the idea of the silent masseuse working out knots and problems at the same time makes for an interesting enough read.
Her hooves pressed into Rarity’s back. When it came to a massage, a pony’s exterior was immaterial; a brushed coat was the same as a messy one. What mattered was the pony beneath the skin, the creature composed of muscle, tendon, and bone.
Rarity sighed contentedly. “Oh, that feels wonderful. You wouldn’t believe what my sister has been up to, Lotus.”
Thoughts belonged on that list as well. Tense muscles usually had memories wound around them, just waiting to be released.
“I’ve never understood how such a little filly can cause so much stre—ah!”
A quick roll of a hoof cut the story, and the muscular tension, short. Lotus knew all about Sweetie Belle, the source of the seemingly perpetual tightness in Rarity’s neck and shoulders. She’d rather find out what her mid and lower back had to say.
Her hooves moved lower. The muscles weren’t as tight here, or as well developed. Instead, there was a thin but unmistakable layer of fat. She prodded the unwelcome substance. And what is this doing here?
Rarity sighed again, this time not with contentment. “As if Sweetie’s exploits weren’t enough… I simply must start saying no to Pinkie Pie and her endless parade of sweets. It’s bad enough that Spike keeps bringing me roses.”
Lotus pressed a little more firmly. If you already know what the problem is, then fix it.
Recommendation: Worth Reading
Summary
Waiting for Perfect by Foals Errand
Not Recommended
Blood, Sweat, and Algae by HoofBitingActionOverload
Not Recommended
Lamps to Light the Dark by Ponydora Prancypants
Not Recommended
May I Sleep on You? by jkbrony
Not Recommended
Apple Knots by BlazzingInferno
Worth Reading
And there we go! I have another set of reviews over half-done at this point, so there will likely be another review post in the next couple days.
Number of stories still listed as "Read It Later – High Priority": 242
Number of stories listed as “Read It Later”: 1546.
2841246
See, this is why I describe stuff like this; sometimes people might have a different reaction.
Thank you for the review
2841729
You're welcome! Thank you for writing something I liked.