Allow me a moment · 8:02am Feb 8th, 2015
It seems much better than I anticipated. I was afraid it will be foalcon, but thankfully I was corrected on that mistake.
Did I tell you that my favorite stories of yours, are the ones, that don't jump into sex at the first chapter? Now I did, so that's that.
I like the deer guy, he has nice personality. What's his name?
You know, tks first I thought I wouldn't like this story. But it's actually really great! I love how you have them talking so casually. It took a minute for me to figure that out because the words just didn't seem to mesh, but then I said, "take a pause and talk as if you were them". Then I was thinking to myself that I'd love to do a voiceover for the deer guy and the main character. Just got to find a good voice actor for babs and we're all set. Also I gave you your 100th thumbs up.
I hope you continue with these characters down the road...i really liked this story *so once again thank you sir hat for givong me a story i will reread at least twice.*
D'aww. I like it, very believable. I especially like how York is a bit of an idiot, how his inexperience is, well, really obvious. I like your writing because your characters are actually people, not just... the best comparison I can think of right now would be NPC's, but that's not quite what I mean. Hopefully you catch my drift.
This is pretty solid Hat. I kind of wish you'd stop pussy-footing around and just do something with a ton of world building because the world(s) you write about are really interesting and I'd like to see more but for a short piece, this one had it all. Solid bro.
Usually Babs fics are garbage, but you've written a respectable and genuine-feeling romance that I can't help but enjoy thoroughly. This is seriously some rock-hard on-the-money high-quality shit you've got here. A+
This is probably one of the most authentic portrayals of a budding teenage romance I've read in a long time; with the additional awkwardness of being a different species. I also enjoyed a character named York in the city of Manehatten. Don't know if that was intentional, but it was a nice touch. A delightful experience.
Anyone got anything for me to build on? Anyone? Someone tell me I'm shit?
Also that make-out scene was fantastic.
That make-out scene was awesome and I will stick by my comment.
I mean... I want to offer constructive criticism, but whenever I try to think of something I just kind of explain it away.
For example: I personally found York's rambling in the middle of him kissing Babs to be a bit irritating, and that he should just get on with it, but at the same time I know that it makes sense in the context of the story. Mostly because of his inexperience/anxiety and just who I had seen him to be at that point (ie: not shutting up even when being chased around by someone about to beat the shit out of him).
Ok, while I can understand why you want someone to call you out on being shit and giving a reason why you're shit (it helps you improve), you have to keep in mind what kind of audience you're dealing with. We're just normal-ass people.
Say you're a wine maker, right? You want your wine to be the best it can be. You want to find a rich guy to give you insight. They'll taste it and tell you about its texture, potency, etc. You have some normal guy taste it and he'll either say ""it's good" or "it's bad".
You expect WAY too much from this place.
2778461
I just miss the days when I got people who thought they knew everything and would poke me.... They didn't, but they could point out some things in their zeal.
Eh...this is really just me saying "I TOLD YOU IT WAS GOOD!"
2778471 Yeah I can understand that. Maturity and improvement comes at a price, it seems.