Writeoff.me very short reviews and comments · 6:39am Dec 14th, 2014
The Writeoff Association competition has another set of stories based on the prompt Behind Closed Doors, and I decided to do two dumb things. First of all, I entered another story. I didn’t really mean to enter one, because when I first heard about it from Horizon, all I could think of was how far behind on everything else I was.
24 hours later, I pasted it into the submission box.
Secondly, I decided that I would not hide under a rock like I do normally after entering. I was going to actually… review⁽*⁾ them.
(*) For a given⁽¹⁾ value of ‘review’
(1) Quite small, actually
For starters, I can’t write reviews worth a hoot. If I like something, I tend to gush, and if I dislike it, I won’t read it. The things in between that are good enough to read but bad enough that I have to stand up and say something are few and far between. (and most of them are just grammar errors that bug me)
So I was determined this time to actually write something about every story in the writeoff. It’s practice for getting better at what I write, or so I’m telling myself.
So, without further flapping of my gums, here are my reviews in the Behind Closed Doors writeoff event, reversed in the direction that they appear on the page (because I wanted to do something different). Yes, I do have a story in the list. No, please do not try to guess it. My scores are based on the crude but simple scale of Writing, Story, and Character as follows:
Scale:
1 = Ick
2 = Fair
3 = Average
4 = Pretty darned good
5 = Professional quality
http://writeoff.me/fic/598-Funatics
4/3/4 - I liked the writing and the characters, but kept getting lost in the story direction. Seems as if the author was going for a deeper thoughtful piece, but kept bobbing up to the surface to breathe.
http://writeoff.me/fic/605-Terror-Incognita
4/4/3 The characterization is a little clunky at times, and smooth at others, although the story seems… odd. Perhaps I’m reading too much into the speed of the writing, but it resembles a first draft that could dramatically improve with some polish, and perhaps as a lead-in to a longer piece. The initial scene-setting really does need work.
http://writeoff.me/fic/616-Easy-as-Cake
2/3/2 Introductory paragraph switches from third to first person without using a clutch. Also I kept grabbing for the correction button to fix commas (which is pretty bad, coming from me.) Generally fair to partly-cloudy
http://writeoff.me/fic/617-On-Wings-of-Ashes
4/3/4 Good writing, good characterization (although the siren seemed dumb as dirt), but the story dragged and somewhat staggered to an ending.
http://writeoff.me/fic/601-Knowledge-and-Wisdom
5/3/4 Flowed fairly well, but the interactions seemed a little forced and the key point of Twilight wanting access to the forbidden section seemed a little softer than expected, although the let-down was handled well. There didn’t seem to be as much character driving as needed to be in the story, so the conflict was damped down to a mere trickle.
http://writeoff.me/fic/604-Unto-Whom-All-Doors-Are-Open
2/1/2 Mixed past/future tense and passive voice. Lots and lots of passive voice, and a big chunk of liturgy in the middle. Sigh. Skip, skip, skip, end. Weird and dull. Bad combo.
http://writeoff.me/fic/607-The-Brightest-and-the-Best
4/4/4 Five points from Gryffindor for using a Latin quote without a translation. clunk. character interactions at the beginning are forced, but do show characterization, which speeds up in a nice pattern. Good pacing. A little telly with the sign and the egg. Very nice. This one’s going on my top five.
http://writeoff.me/fic/625-Time-Off
4/4/5 I spy a Dotted Line… Heh, Twilight as Translator. Headcanon confirmed. Considering stealing. Twilight seems a little more mature, and Luna a little more broken, but five years have gone by, so that fits in their characterization well. They have a nice interaction, but without the fire I thought would be at the forefront. Seems missing some polish, but still brings out the feels. Might go in my top five.
http://writeoff.me/fic/620-Through-Glass
5/4/5 Truely, the only proper date for Rarity, is… that mare. Pacing is great, it draws you right into the story and gives that proper suspension of disbelief that makes you just keep reading until you hit the end and wonder why it had to stop. Certainly going in my top five.
http://writeoff.me/fic/615-Dirty-Prancing
5/4/5 + "Chryssy's been montaging," (laughs) Wonderful ending, good hook that slowly grew. I’m putting this one at the top of the stack right now, with a recommendation to read by everybody who is just flipping through the reviews. The only flaw I found was a present/past tense disagreement in the last paragraph.
http://writeoff.me/fic/623-Remember
4/4/4 straight across. Very nice characterization of Discord, handicapped by being unable to move, and of the princesses. He seemed to be a little damped in his reactions, but a thousand years of stone would do that I suppose.
http://writeoff.me/fic/629-The-Sunset-Room
5/4/5 Creepy. The story took a little longer for me to ‘catch’ than I expected, but that’s probably because I don’t read much in the way of Dark fics. It could have used a little more direction at the beginning, but not much. (remember, I said I don’t read many of these)
http://writeoff.me/fic/611-Dressing-Room
4/3/4 Really interesting to see the meta-view of FIM as seen through the actor’s eyes. Not sure if the writer was trying to convey certain behind-the-scenes ideas or I was just reading things into the reactions, but not bad at all.
http://writeoff.me/fic/618-PTSD
4/3/4 Twilight is written very Twilight, but the doctor is a bit jerky and chaotic. The whole story is hard to follow.
http://writeoff.me/fic/609-Rough-in-the-Diamond
4/3/3 Really, I may have given it a better score if it were a story that I liked, but it was so out of character and so odd that even the very good writing didn’t pull me in and trap me.
http://writeoff.me/fic/603-Some-Doors-Arent-Meant-For-You
4/4/4 Nice and sweet, but a little dry. Very good characterizations for everypony, but it could have used a little more dialogue and conflict before Twilight wrote the letter.
http://writeoff.me/fic/624-Burning-Bridges
4/3/4+ Nice Equestria Girls tie-in, interesting theory about the mirror world. People who like the EqG stuff would probably give it a higher Story rating than me.
http://writeoff.me/fic/613-Extreme-Princess-Tension-EPT
4/3/4 Interesting. It seems Princess Twilight has been experimenting with the magic of friendship on somepony other than her female friends. Looks more like a vignette than a full story. If so, I wonder where it goes from here.
http://writeoff.me/fic/627-All-The-Worlds-A-Stage
4/3/4 Really held my attention all the way through, but the story seemed a little thin, and Twilight seemed a little resigned to her fate. We’ve got a good crop of stories this time. No duds so far.
http://writeoff.me/fic/599-A-Pale-Horse
5/5/4 Best so far, and not just because of the little person behind me telling me so. Really, I looked behind me while reading.
http://writeoff.me/fic/614-Disappearence-of-Chaos
2/2/2 Skip.
http://writeoff.me/fic/612-The-Millennial-Vault
4/3/4 Not bad at all, but it seemed a bit stiff.
http://writeoff.me/fic/626-Amara
4/3/3 Again, a vignette that looks to be the beginning of a longer story. It *really* could use some more description in worldbuilding, as well as the personalities of the introduced characters since they’re not canon. Very interesting, though. I’m marking this one down to check on the author’s other works when the judging is over. There’s a lot of potential in this one.
http://writeoff.me/fic/621-Ill-Gotten-Gains
4/4/4 Very slick and well-written, well thought out plot. Going into the top five for now. I like the twist at the end.
http://writeoff.me/fic/628-Hearth-Swarming-Eve
5/5/4 Ah, the Happy Fun Dungeon in the Crystal Castle of Friendship. The First Person perspective threw me for a bit, but I recovered very well. The characters seemed just about perfect, but something about them was a little off. This one goes to the top of my top five list. Judging the top is going to be a Royal PITA.
http://writeoff.me/fic/608-The-Star-Chamber
5/4/5 Another vignette, this one leading up to a terrible decision for the Princess of Friendship. Very touching, characters acting like themselves, well-written. The only fault I can think of is the story plot seems a little forced. I’m going to track the author’s other works once the names become public. The top five list is getting crowded.
http://writeoff.me/fic/610-The-Arena
5/4/4 Well written, with a minor ding for the classic theme even though it was done very well, and the characterization, which is almost pony main character free. Still, very well done.
http://writeoff.me/fic/600-Audit
4/3/4 I can’t say it’s bad, because I read all the way through and liked it, but there’s really no story here. It’s a nice window into Spike’s mind and work habits. Although I wonder what the Tree of Harmony knows that Twilight doesn’t. She’s going to freak out at that last room.
http://writeoff.me/fic/622-Unlocked-Emotions
3/3/3 It really doesn’t go anywhere, just kind of sits there and twitches when poked with a stick.
http://writeoff.me/fic/606-What-We-Wanted-to-Do
4/4/4+ Weak hook, and I mean really, really weak. The CMC internal voices are awfully advanced for their ages too. It picks up fairly quick when Sweetie Belle gets introduced, grows from there, and really peaks well at the end. Only one of about two or three that had me actually laughing out loud. With some sanding and a coat of varnish, this would be well worth a feature slot.
http://writeoff.me/fic/619-Creativity-Unbound
3/2/4 Really, a story about Rarity out in a rainstorm, talking to everypony who walks past. There’s not much to it.
Yay, more reviews!
(I also feel a bit like, "Awww, you like everything!" That makes me smile and feel all warm and fuzzy, though I don't think I could bring myself to be quite so blanket generous. But mostly it just makes me happy. You're cool, and I like you!)
2652409 I didn't like *all* of them. There's a couple 1's and 2's in there, plus there was one that looked perfectly identical to the way I write.
Well, there's probably a reason for that...
Yay reviews!
It's good to exercise the reviewing muscles, I think, even if you're not planning to review stories often -- because the process of figuring out what's good and bad about a story gives you practice in thinking critically about them, which also helps you out when you're improving your own. And it's always great as an author to see more opinions.
As Bradel said, a little bit of positivity goes a long way, especially since there's been a bunch of (hopefully constructive!) criticism in the main review thread.
Sweet! Cheers for the review (but which one is it?
)
Like Horizon said, it's great just to get another opinion on your writing. Even if it isn't a polished review, every little bit helps, and sometimes you pick up on something nobody else did -- which, incidentally, is what you did for my story.
2652409
2652461
Well, I was involved, and as everyone knows, TD hates everything...
I wasn't even the most negative person this round though, somehow.
Though my hugbox score was amongst the worst, I suspect. Then again, it tends to be because while I try to use the whole range, I don't try to make them average around 5.
I'm surprised you gave so many of them 5s, which you said was professional quality, though... I mean, we're pretty good, but I guess I'm far more cynical about such things.
Then again, 50 Shades of Gray was technically professionally published...
Good to know I'm not the only one who has trouble disliking things. Also, thanks for the review. It's very apt, and I can't say any more without compromising my anonymity.
I gave mostly 7s for the entries this time around, so you aren't alone in having problems disliking stuff. =P
I think I can tell which one is yours.
2654331 Well, to their credit, every one of the top 5 guessers pegged my story to me. Next time I'm tempted to try to write several, each holding as much as I can to a particular writer's style. As it was, ten minutes before publishing, I sat down and took out every single 'Green Grass' and replaced it with 'teacher' in order to disguise it a little. (because face it, with Green Grass in there, only people who have never read me would miss it) I do need to fix the 'alligator moment' from Ditzy and make her entrance more expected, as well as Twilight's first entrance before I even think about finalizing it.
The Traveling Tutor and the Royal Exam has like 20 chapters written and proofed to the point where I could publish, but I'm determined to at least write all the way to 'I do' before starting to click Publish.