How's it comin' along, chap? · 5:10pm Nov 28th, 2014
Holy crap what a day and it's ONLY 2 PM
Alright, usual format: RL first, WRTMI second, as that's all I've been able to work on lately.
Feeling pretty accomplished. One little aspect I think I've left out of these blogs is the little tiny fact that I haven't had the necessity or desire to clean my house once my depression peaked. Some of the dishes or the oven? Bathtub, toilet? Naw. I haven't cleaned my bedroom since July, since that's when I moved my bed to the living room for my boyfriend's visit (get your minds outta the gutter! We played cards and yahtzee, that's all, and I didn't want drunken laughter at terrible wrestling disturbing the 10 year old who lives literally on the other side of a thin door in my bedroom).
Once I literally began living in an environment that resembled an episode of Hoarders and at the request of the one mentioned above, the Big Clean has begun and I just finished my living room. Moved everything around to clean and vacuum the floor, wiped down all furniture, cleaned the window, tried (and failed) to organize a collection of games and DVDs I will never play or watch again, set up my old PS2 again to make half of the previous note a lie, and set up my computer... setup again.
So, naturally the PC fails to boot.
Now I start to panic.
Luckily, it was just a power cord issue and I have 50 of them in a closet, but it continually went into Startup Repair on booting and my BIOS aren't set to allow my keyboard to function before the login screen. Had I been able to use it, I would've simply pressed down to 'start windows normally' and avoided the headache. So I had to dick around with the slots until I found one that was enabled, allowing me to actually reach windows without waiting a day and a half (seriously.) for startup repair to go through and tell me nothing was wrong.
Still no update on seeing a psychologist, because I am literally too anxious to fill out the form, I guess. Also why I can't go renew my driver's permit, 2 years later. I am a pretty helpless, hopeless human being, ain't I? Just need to wait for the suicidal urges to return. It'll go nicely with the fact my monitor got banged up a little when I moved it all around, which I can't afford to replace.
I've just had everything go wrong on me lately, it never seems to fucking end. Today, I had to accept delivery of a bedroom set for the upstairs crowd and of course the yappy little prick of a dog gets out. This thousand dollar chihuahua that is scared to death of me took off the moment the door was open and she runs as fast as the average bullet train. Negotiating that undersized rat back into the house was something out of a math exam, considering I'm the fucking boogeyman to it. Honestly, the fact it was snowing was probably the only reason the asshole slowed down. Seriously, screw that pooch. I hate it. I've spent the last eight months trying to get her to warm up to me, but nooo. Oh my God, I miss my old dog. He's been gone a year and ten days now :( Ah well, I have my cat. Chloe's awesome. She wrestles my hand.
Uh, yeah. So, the living room is all clean, I'm feeling pretty good, and it's the kitchen next.
I keep thinking up more and more things I wanna squeeze into WRTMI. It's why I'm a little thankful that the story has slowed down so much, I get to really do it justice. My plans for 38 haven't really changed, I've just got to focus on getting it written now. Not gonna lie, progress has been very, very slow, because most days I'm not even able to write a word because my mood is diving again lately. I haven't touched any other writing projects, just WRTMI, but if I can't write... I can't write. I had the urge today, but I set aside the time to clean up and I had to take it, because who the fuck knows when I'll want to clean again? Hoping I can get some writing done at work tonight. Really shouldn't be an issue, because I'm excited for this chapter! Should be about the same size as 37, perhaps a bit longer, depending on how I handle this multi-perspective thingy.
Later, kiddos. Thanks for all the recent faves and watches, guys!
Ahh, computer problems. I sort of feel you on that, man. My pile of deuce seems to overheat no matter what I do to it (cleaning, dusting, putting in a placemat with a fan on it, blahblahblah). More than one window open at a time? Oh, well better heat up the CPU to 1000 degrees and crash the whole thing!
But anyway, good on ya for cleaning stuff up, dude. Always stresses me out when I let my stuff start piling up to the ceiling, too, and then I just feel worse. And sorry about your neighbors, too, though I gotta admit that I laughed a little at the dog story. Can't stand the little
ratsdogs myself.You ain't helpless or hopeless! There's bound to be a lot of anxiety and hesitation when it comes to things you aren't so familiar with, but I really do think it'll be a huge help to see someone who can maybe pinpoint what it might be that's causing you to feel these things. Don't worry about renewing your driver's permit just yet if the thought of doing so doesn't help the anxiety, but at least know that seeing a psychologist can and will help you with that stuff. It's just a matter of making that first step, and while your anxiety might try and convince you otherwise (and do a pretty convincing job of it, at that), that first step really isn't so bad.
There's nothing shameful about getting help, KK.
But yeah, about WRTMI... I'm still going to read it once the semester ends. I've generally been off this site unless it's been on my phone because of visiting some extended family for Thanksgiving (since my regular family and I are not on good terms at the moment...), but come Christmas time, I'll be sure to read it. The word count's been the only thing holding me back until now, after all.
Take care!
Man, a year already? RIP your old dog
Hope you can get everything back on track soon! Remember, if you need some people to talk to, we're always right here!
2622251 Of course! I always try to ride these things out solo, though. Maybe I'd be better off talking to more people.
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That's always something I've struggled with. Taking that first step, with ANYTHING. Be it being too anxious to queue up as a tank on World of Warcraft (and when I do spend the whole day easily handling the job, but always anxious to actually begin), to dealing with an issue with management where I work, to this...
No rush on reading WRTMI. It is definitely a time sink, and the earlier prose isn't yet up to scratch (though it is quite readable).
Good luck to you, Hope the tests go well and as always stay awesome byeee